Husband put his hands round my kneck

[CleverQuacks]

Hi all,
I don't no why I am writing this as I know what I need to do. I think I just need to get it out.

Before I start, so as not to drip feed, I should say I have BPD. Part of this means I experience intense mood swings from incredibly low, to manic. When I am manic I become very silly and childish. I am on medication to manage this and it helps but I still sometimes suffer manic episodes.

Last night whilst me and my husband were lieing in bed I was being quite manic. For some reason I thought it was funny to make up silly pet names for my husband. These weren't offensive names just things like "my little alligator". At the time I found this hilarious and despite my husband asking me several times to stop I continued making up names and laughing.

My husband became increasingly annoyed with me and after about 10 minutes lept on top of me and held me down by the neck saying "you need to stop". I panicked and bought my knees up, kicking him in the groin which made him get off me. He then lay down and went to sleep.

This morning I have bruising on my shoulders and neck. Neither of us have mentioned it.

I am in shock. I know I was being silly but he has never reacted in an aggressive or violent manner before.

I know I need to leave. This can't happen again. But where do I go?!?! What do I say to people?!?! And what about the kids. I don't no how I will cope with them and my mental health.

dh*

By BPD do you mean borderline personality or bipolar?

Hands round your neck and leaving bruises is very, very serious. If he held on longer you could have been seriously injured or killed. Even if that wasn't his intention and he "lost control" of himself in the moment, that could be the outcome.

I would be really worried about this happening again. A huge line has been crossed. And he hasn't even shown regret afterwards. Best case scenario, you worry about this for years and find yourself nervous to broach difficult topics with him, modify your behaviour to avoid annoying him, your kids pick up on you being scared of him, it's messy.

Personally I wouldn't feel safe with him now and I would want physical space from him to figure out what to do next.

You certainly don't wait for it to become a pattern. Next time you could be dead.

You must not leave your children alone with this man.

I think you're both unreasonable and I wouldn't want either of you as my partner.

You did something annoying but there is no excuse for domestic violence. None. He could have left the room, slept elsewhere, but instead he opted for the violence route.
Leave him

Hi there CleverQuacks,

We're so sorry to hear you're going through this.

We hope you don't mind, but when threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Domestic Violence page:
www.mumsnet.com/webguide/domestic-violence

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ

Can those posters blaming the OP just fucking stop it? Maybe you're trying to be controversial for kicks, or even just playing devil's advocate. But this is not the thread for that. There is a woman here who has been attacked in a way that experts say is a very high indicator of future murder. What the bloody hell are you playing at?

OP please report him to the police. And get your injuries photographed. Your instincts that you are not safe any more are spot on, don't let a bunch of goady idiots make you doubt your feelings and put yourself at further risk.

WTF have i just read.

A person with a diagnosed mental illness has an 'attack' (for want of a better word) and so apparently deserves to be throttled. My asthma attacks are frequent and loud. The often happen in the middle off he night so perhaps my DH should give me a fucking slap.

OP, call women's aid and get in touch with your mental health support if you have it. If not, speak to your GP to access some if possible.

Go to the doctor. There could be damage there which you can't feel.

Op you aren't to blame for what he did, nor is your bpd. DixieNormas makes a fair point, maybe the two of you percieved it differently, and maybe his own mental health isn't great, or he's had a shitty week, or whatever, but what he did was extreme, much more extreme than the provocation. Don't let him try to convince you otherwise. He was dangerously violent, and needs to address that urgently. Agree with others about not leaving the kids alone with him when he's acting so out of character. The way you describe him going to sleep makes me wonder could he have been drunk, or on something?

(Other than self defense) there is no time that attempted strangulation is ok! He really could have killed you, this wasn't at all a gentle thing if you have bruises. There are a hundred things he could have done in response to a behaviour he was finding annoying that do not involve physical violence - from walking away to sticking his fingers in his ears & singing.

Get photos & get safe. Speak to the police.

You must have been terrified

God almighty what's happening on this thread??!!
Where the hell have all the dv apologists crawled out from . YOU CAN EASILY KILL BY STRANGULATION, that is why it is taken so seriously by police, health care professionals, social services. Op get out of this relationship before tho can happen again.

I am sorry you are going through this OP.

Some of the replies here are/were flabbergasting.

There is no excuse for it, ever. Strangling you is such a massive red flag and I would worry where this will lead to. This is not a one off. A decent person would never do what he did. Even if he doesn't strangle you again he has proven that he is a complete arsehole.

Please talk this through with women's aid. They'll understand if you have MH problems and will help you work out a plan.
Go to your HCPs and tell them what happened. They will help, too.

Thank you for the replies guys. I am going to ask my husband to leave for a little while so I can decide what I want to do. I don't no if he will go, but I can try.

I can't believe some of the replies; yous lot are dangerous and should not be posting!

The lady has a mental illness called Bi Polar Disorder, did yous all hear that yes? Her husband is well aware of this. She was calling him pet names, that's not verbal abuse; it's annoying yes but it's not abuse ffs.

His answer to get her to stop was to strangle her and bruise and hurt her; THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR THIS WHATSOEVER.

And for the idiots claiming she shares some blame; even if she had verbally abused him it still did not give him the right to strangle her; he could have killed her.

Clever quacks, it might be a good idea to talk it through with someone first. Your friend, or WA? it's possible he will escalate and make things harder for you. They will tell you what stuff you need to get together first, just in case.

Best of luck OP He needs to work out why he snapped in such a dangerous way, and how to never, ever, do it or similar again. Could he speak to his gp? Does he seem to regret what he did today? If not, that says it all really, and you're better off rid of him. I'm not saying apologies, flowers or tears can fix things, but if he seems truly remorsefull/ashamed of himself, willing to engage with gp (he should be offering to do this at least), and it really was out of character (not an escalation of other abusive behaviour), there may be hope yet. Do you have anyone you can tell irl? Family or friends? It can be scary to disclose something like this, but keeping it secret, with no support isn't good either.

Christ. There are people actually defending what he did. Op hands around the throat is a massive flag. It's one of the specific questions the police will ask. You didn't deserve that in any way at all whatsoever. I can't believe I need to even say that in 2017.