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Original poster

Is it weird that I don't care about not having friends?

77 replies

Booboo27 · 06/04/2017 13:17

Growing up I was always very popular and surrounded by large friendship groups. I then had a few really close friendships during my 20s which have since fizzled away.
I now probably have 2 or 3 friends who I meet up with once every couple of months and we occasionally text to keep in touch. Other than that I'm happy spending time with my DP, family members or, if I'm being totally truthful, I love spending time by myself. I'll quite happily do things like go to the cinema alone or out for lunch alone.
I'm also more than happy spending time in my house just relaxing and doing the things I enjoy.
Do you find that friendships are very important to you? And do you enjoy spending quite a lot of time alone or would it depress you?

OP posts:
Original poster
Booboo27 · 06/04/2017 20:26

Someone I used to be close to literally couldn't bear to spend 1 minute alone. She would be surgically attached to her boyfriend, and if he ever had to go away somewhere then she'd have to get a friend to come and stay Over with her.
Never having my own space and time to myself would drive me mad

OP posts:
Teepish · 06/04/2017 20:28

I'd like a couple of good, fun friends but then I don't think I am very good at being a friend - I am a professional introvert and quite a bit self conscious so usually feel I'm "not necessary" by default.
I'm learning very, very slowly to ease out of my shell a bit more.

BobbinThreadbare123 · 06/04/2017 20:33

I'm not very good at the constant contact thing other people seem to need. I could have written lots of the posts on this thread. I'm much happier with my family and DH. I have friends I see every now and then, but I've never had a best bud(s) that I see a lot. I have Aspergers. People find me odd and I can't tell emotions of others very well. I do have feelings and a sense of humour though; someone I met thought we Aspies didn't, and therefore could not have any friends!

Unicornsandrainbows3 · 06/04/2017 20:50

I'm the same and also an introvert. I love being with my family, like an occasional catch up with someone but otherwise happy to be on my own. In general I find people exhausting!

MrsJayy · 06/04/2017 20:51

I lost contact with a friend recently all she wanted to do was gossip about somebody we know it was really draining, i just keep her at arms length which is a shame before she got a bee in her bonnet about this other person she was great company,

badabing36 · 06/04/2017 21:01

I do feel a bit ashamed of my lack of friends though. I sometimes think if dp and I got married who would I invite? 3/4 friends who live all over the country and might not be able to come. I do have a big family though so I can pretend they like me Grin

keeprunninguphill · 06/04/2017 21:08

Most of the time I'm happy being 'me' and not having many friends as I'm independent and can take myself off to the cinema or other activities on my own. But then other times I do feel a bit of a freak when everyone at work or other school mums seem go on about the endless number of friends they see/go to spas with/ have girls nights out with or weekends away. I have one female friend I see a couple of times a year socially. How do they do it? I think I'm a good friend/decent person- I just don't seem to be friends material for most folk it seems.

ShezowsSister · 06/04/2017 21:09

Interesting thread. Similar to a lot of people, I have had big friendship groups at times but I think they were determined by situation. I've also been easily over whelmed by other people's moods/ emotions but felt I was 'supposed' to have friends. I think it's only as I've gotten older I've realised that I am happier in my own company and probably feel most comfortable communicating via text/ email. Not everyone gets that though and I know lots of people think I'm an oddball!

Eolian · 06/04/2017 21:11

Same here, OP. I have a couple of friends in my village. Our dds are friends and we regularly walk our dogs together, but they aren't close friends. I like time on my own and with my family and have no desire to socialise regularly. I wasn't at all like that in my twenties and early thirties though.

Trustyourself2 · 06/04/2017 21:12

I'm very similar. I spend a lot of time on my own and am quite happy with this. I like a little company now and then, but am not bothered if it doesn't happen often. Don't have friends where I live. I know people, but that's about it. Someone has been really kind and has tried to befriend me, and now it's up to me to make the next move, but I'm really struggling to do so, as I find it a real challenge to be on in company and not just be myself. I sometimes wonder if I'm just a bit lazy, but it's how I've always felt, even when I was younger and had more friends. I just find it hard to maintain friendships and the older I get the more I accept that this is who I am.

kitkat321 · 06/04/2017 21:22

I'm in the same boat as you :) I have some lovely friends I see every couple of months but I'm not constantly in touch with them - I always found the constant phoning/texting of close friends exhausting. I spend time with my dd and dh. I go to the gym/take part in hobbies so get out and about and socialise but still make time for me :)

NotTheFordType · 06/04/2017 21:29

I sometimes think if dp and I got married who would I invite?

I used to have that exact same thought.

In the end we got married with about 10 of my family in attendance, 0 of his but 4 mutual friends. Funnily enough the registrar still married us Grin

x246 · 06/04/2017 21:45

I've never had friends. Don't have any acquaintances either. It doesn't bother me and I don't think it's weird but other people seem to.

Original poster
Booboo27 · 07/04/2017 08:53

Yeah it's a shame in today's society that being 'popular' and having as many friends as possible on social media is deemed as cool, whilst the opposite is deemed as odd.
At least I'm not the only one who doesn't seem to really give a fck though!

OP posts:
AlessandroVasectomi · 07/04/2017 12:24

Growing up, I had all the usual friends at school, scouts, church choir, university and then in successive jobs. The only person whose company I have craved since I met her is my wife. I haven't kept up with any of those 'friends'.

I've now been retired for 3 years and my wife still works. Due to her state pension age being raised she has not retired as early as we anticipated, so I have been on my own while she works for the whole of that time. And yet I'm perfectly happy! I do sometimes think that I should have a network of friends in case our retirement doesn't work out as we planned, but I'm not sure I could cope with the need to meet up and do whatever friends do - in my wife's case, a natter over tea and cake.

I joined a choir shortly after I retired. With a membership of 120, I thought friendships would be bound to develop but the reality is that it's all a bit cliquey. If I initiate conversation with anybody, they answer my conversation-opening questions but never ask me in return. And then they go back to chatting with the person(s) they normally chat to.

On a day to day basis I can't be bothered and I just do whatever I want to do when I want to. It is very self-indulgent and, as I say above, there might come a day when I wish I wish I had other people to turn to. But for now I'm happy with my own company, knowing that my wife will be home later today and then she has 2 weeks Easter holiday from her job.

Original poster
Booboo27 · 07/04/2017 12:31

It's nice to be able to be a bit self indulgent and just so whatever you fancy doing though isn't it?

Sounds like you are happy without close friendships and I totally relate to that. Yes, it would be nice to meet people very similar to myself who I really click with, but the reality is that this just doesn't happen for me and I've learnt to have fun regardless.

If my DP was to ever leave or pass away then maybe I'll regret not having more of a friendship group to lean on, but I'm happy the way things are and don't really have any desire to change it for now

OP posts:
Cantstopeatingchocolate · 07/04/2017 15:49

Hmmm I feel the same ^^
I am perfectly happy not speaking to anyone for days. But I do worry that if my DH wasn't here that I would become crazy cat lady (I don't even like cats) rather than make new friends.

Original poster
Booboo27 · 07/04/2017 16:40

becoming a crazy cat lady would be heaven. Just me and loads of cats living in the countryside somewhere (and DP can visit sometimes haha)

OP posts:
AlessandroVasectomi · 07/04/2017 17:03

My MIL was widowed 30 years ago. She's now in her late eighties and since FIL died she has never bothered with anybody other than family. One of her neighbours used to cut her lawns for her, but they have since moved away and she doesn't have anything to do with her neighbours on either side. But she never complains and she's as sharp as a new pin. She is still completely independent and fully up to speed with current affairs, due mainly I think to her tv being tuned in to the BBC news channel all day every day.

I was in my late 30s when FIL died and when I saw how MIL became a virtual hermit when my own parents were having a fabulous retirement with a wide circle of friends and family, I thought how awful - what a waste. And yet here I am treading the same path and perfectly happy with it. I suppose I feel guilty that I'm not putting this third (and wonderful) stage of my life to better use. But who's to say how I should be spending it?

Original poster
Booboo27 · 09/04/2017 12:19

I also used to think it was quite sad when I was younger how few friends my parents have. I always vowed that I'd never be like that and would have a busy, exciting social life.
I now probably have even less friends than my parents do, and the thought of a busy social life just exhausts me. Today I'm sitting in my garden in the sunshine with my cat, a pile of magazines and a yummy lunch and I feel really content. Yesterday my DP and I just spent the day gardening together and it was bliss. Haha I'm so far gone from the wild party animal teenager I used to be with loads of friends

OP posts:
Oilyoilyoilgob · 09/04/2017 14:27

You're not strange at all, in fact this is so nice to see.
I'm now in my 30s finally aware enough to realise I'm an introvert, a slightly extroverted one at times (when I can be bothered!) but on the whole I love my own company Grin
I enjoy doing things by myself, even food shopping etc I can just while the time away, happy in my own world.
Husband is opposite! We were out 7 hours last night on a night out, which was funny, but meeting new people etc and by the end of it I was exhausted!
I find I can now manage myself better, in that if we have a couple of friend catch ups, especially groups, I need to have my downtime by myself to restore my batteries.
Take it as a great thing and how amazing you know what you're like-we can be our own best company 👍🏼

Aquamarine1029 · 09/04/2017 15:51

MycatsaPirate, please get this book. It just might change your life. "Dare: The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks Fast" by Barry McDonagh

elephantcuddles · 09/04/2017 16:04

I completely relate to you, OP. I had a lot of friends growing up as well. I am American.. I was even a cheerleader back in high school (which is weird, because I'm introverted and cheerleading doesn't suit my personality at all).

The main relationship I care about is with my significant other. If that is good, then everything else is just kind of secondary.

I've been burned so many times by girls/women who were supposed to be my friends and I feel like a part of me just sort of gave up. I really prefer my own company or being with animals. Also, there is always such a lengthy "to do" list that making time to spend with friends is not a priority on my list. It also feels rare that I meet a friend that I feel like I really connect with. I'm 30 and most of my girlfriends are married with kids and I'm not. It makes me feel like I have less in common with them... I want to be married with a baby, but it hasn't happened yet for me and I'm not sure I want to marry the person I'm with now (that's another story).

I've read that there have been studies done on people who live longer and how they have close friendships and social ties, etc.... leaves me to pause for thought. But like you, I really enjoy spending time alone in the house doing whatever I want to do. I also like to go for walks by myself, etc.

elephantcuddles · 09/04/2017 16:06

Booboo, I agree. haha. I don't know why they call it crazy cat lady though. Seems like a completely sane thing to me. :)

mudddypudddles · 09/04/2017 16:44

I would feel very lonely without friends. Having said that, friends aren't the centre of my universe and I don't spend a huge amount of time with them.
I have a friend friends I met through the kids who I have coffee and do stuff with the kids with every week, old work friends I meet up with every couple of months and my oldest and best friends from school who I see whenever we can get together which is usually 2-3 months.

I speak to friends most days by text and make a real effort to maintain friendships.

My favourite thing to do though is be with my husband and kids, and we see our families often.