Is it weird that I don't care about not having friends?

[Booboo27]

Growing up I was always very popular and surrounded by large friendship groups. I then had a few really close friendships during my 20s which have since fizzled away.
I now probably have 2 or 3 friends who I meet up with once every couple of months and we occasionally text to keep in touch. Other than that I'm happy spending time with my DP, family members or, if I'm being totally truthful, I love spending time by myself. I'll quite happily do things like go to the cinema alone or out for lunch alone.
I'm also more than happy spending time in my house just relaxing and doing the things I enjoy.
Do you find that friendships are very important to you? And do you enjoy spending quite a lot of time alone or would it depress you?

Yes I am friendly with people that i see from time to time I was outout at the weekend with blokes from dhs work and wives and I had a nice night some of them I'm friendly with but not proper friends I sound a right miserable cowbag don't I

Lets meet up!

LOL!

Just wanted to add, I am not socially anxious.

I really find people interesting, as a rule.

Just don't want to take things further and, dare I say, deeper.

Do you feel embarrassed OP - in front of friends, aquaintances, partners - that you don't have many or any friends.

I say this, 'cos I do, a bit!

I would need to check my diary Don'tsayit 😀

I'm in between, I have friends and we socialise together once or twice a month, large group and we stay over at whomevers house it is. I enjoy having friends and I enjoy the social side of it and doing stuff together, weekends away, concerts, that sort of thing. But I also like my private time, and am quite happy pottering around on my own.

For me I think I need a balance. Too much socialising and I just want time on my own. Too little and I want to enjoy the company of people I like, doing something fun and having a proper laugh.

I don't have the desire of my youth to be always out, but I also don't have the desire to be on my own or with my husband /daughter all the time, I think friends adds a richness to the mix.

I do feel like my DP and sister find it slightly odd that I don't have many friends at my age (they both have loads of friends).
I think even if I was suddenly inundated with social invitations and people desperate to be my friend I'd still not really want it unless they were very similar to me.
I think I'm too irritable to maintain long term friendships as I get put off a person's character very easily.

For example - I made a good friend when I first moved to this area and we would meet up every 2 weeks for dinner and drinks, plus texting most days. I really liked her to begin with, but after a few months our meets became more of a burden. She just wanted to spend the whole time moaning about life and I found it really draining to sit and listen to and would just be counting down the minutes til I could leave and relax in my own space. Plus we didn't actually have anything much in common either and had very different opinions on things.

I'm another one

Both introverted & a bit aspie I realise now (at a very advanced age ). I actively dislike large gatherings & am very relieved when everybody buggers off.

Like OP I had a large circle of friends & busy social life in my youth. What sticks in my mind now though is that at college (from 18-20) somebody told me that I was an introvert pretending to be an extrovert; I can't remember who it was or even how it came up but he was so right

I like people, but prefer Facebook for keeping up with them without having to actually see them, & I know from the way some FB friends react to various introvert memes that there are lots of us like that. It's comforting.

May I join this gang please? I too like my own space far more than the effort of friendship groups. I like people and they seem to like me but i find it exhausting.

I wonder if eg with the pressures of young children, some people just get out of the habit of having friendships so that, after a break, its quite hard to get back into it? Like getting back to work after being a SAHP even if only for a short time.
I have never described myself as having social anxiety but absolutely share the terror of walking into a pub or similar & being expected to mingle as one poster mentioned. So maybe I do have social anxiety.

I think I'm too irritable to maintain long term friendships as I get put off a person's character very easily

Say it how it is Boo

I hear ya!

Can I join your gang? I'll behave myself. Promise. Please.]. Gifts to bribe

I think for me it is a combination of things.
I have always had a lot of Aspergers characteristics and also social anxiety. Becoming a mother didn't help, especially doing it whilst relatively young compared to my friends.

Mostly I think I am simply an introvert in a world that only values extroverts.

so glad there seems to be quite a few others who share my love of having plenty of personal space.
I think it's great that we don't feel bored in our own company. Only boring people get bored IMO

I'm the same. A couple of people I meet up with occasionally and text rarely. Suffer also with depression and anxiety.

share the terror of walking into a pub or similar

oh god yes! I just can't see people - in fact if I get detached from the people I'm with in a shop or the street I'm literally unable to find them, my brain doesn't engage with my eyes. I have to wait for them to find me.

I've never been able to do the pub thing.

Think you were brave to even attempt to go to a busy pub to meet a group of strangers who you've never spoken to before. I like to think I'm a fairly confident person these days and don't really care what people think of me, but even I feel nervous at the very thought. Maybe I'm not as confident as I think I am!

Same here. It is nice to know I'm not so much the misfit I thought I was.

I'm the same. I've always struggled to make friends as I'm quiet and don't do the whole drinking thing every weekend. I would like a few friends though that I could go to the cinema, meals or concerts with. I do make the effort to be more chatty but for some reason when I think I am getting along with someone, along comes others and before I know it they are all making plans/ fb friending each other and I am left out :(

I feel embarrassed with my lack of friends, I always have and it seems that you are odd if you don't have many. I'm single too so that doesn't help as I can feel so lonely and I keep thinking that any decent man, should one exist, would be put off by this.

I also feel like I've struggled to meet people I 'click' with as an adult despite having had lots of friends when younger.

I still have 5/6 friends from school (I'm now mid-30s) but none of them live locally. I probably see each of them a couple of times a year max. Still get on ok when we do meet up but our meet ups are becoming fewer and further between as people get married and have kids.

I work in the City & have a few 'London' friends who are more acquaintances really, who I go for occasional dinner or drinks with, but I wouldn't phone them for a chat or anything. And if I stopped working in London (which I plan to do one day) I doubt I would see them anymore.

There's various other people I've met over the years who I'm semi-in touch with, as in connected on Facebook and I might drop them a message if I happened to be passing through where they live on my travels, but I don't see them regularly and I wouldn't make a special effort to visit.

I've lived in my current town for around 5 years and have no friends. I'm slightly friendly with one neighbour but she's running around after her kids (I'm childfree) so we don't see each other often. But I could call her if my boiler packed up and I needed a hot shower!

I'd like to meet a couple of local friends but my efforts have all been in vain. I often just don't think people take to me

I do like my own company though, and DH too. I also have lots of hobbies and work full time so I'm rarerly at a loose end.
I've met random people I chat to through my hobbies but no one I would call a friend yet.

I am sometimes lonely.

Who's up for an antisocial meet up?

I only have one true friend, but we only manage to meet once a month at the most. I'm happy to do things by myself, going to the cinema, walking in the countryside.
It only bothers me when I go somewhere and there are 'couples' everywhere. It's as if no one else can go anywhere without company!

I did venture out to a local pub a few months ago. I do Geocaching and decided to attend one of their 'meet ups'. Of course they all knew each other and I was the 'awkward' one in the corner.
They were friendly enough, but it was a bit too much for me and I was the first to leave.

user1487175389 Thu 06-Apr-17 18:40:44

Who's up for an antisocial meet up?

Only via messenger

I could have written your post too op, except i really only have one good friend and i probably see her even less often than you see yours. Sometimes i think i should try to build up a network of friends but i just can't be arsed.