The speed men change their mind about me... does this happen to anybody else?

[Platimum]

I'm not over investing, I have my own life, I have my own friends! blah blah blah. Just this issue. Again.
Always about 6 or 7 weeks. They're crazy about me. I'm nearly keeping them at a distance and trying my best to control the pace a bit. Then they get whip lash and their feelings for me disappear. They're never conflicted. Their feelings are just GONE.

And it's not as simple as ''don't sleep with them''. I put it off until I feel comfortable (but obviously I need to postpone it beyond the point I'm comfortable.

It's that total volte face that shocks me.

So question for the men to, if they're reading, at what point do you know your own mind. When do you know that this isn't just the first few weeks flush of excitement.

Is six or seven weeks some kind of trigger for men?

If this has become a pattern of behaviour the common factor is you, it's your behaviour that needs changing if you want things to change.

Ps and it is different every time. Every man is different. Only one was a traditional player. You learn a completely different lesson every time.
The first guy who dumped me i was relieved as we didnt have the closeness id want. So it's not like player after player is leading me up the garden path.
It is a different issue every time. Well all three times, since Dec 2015. So it's not like it happens every 6 weeks!
It has happened three times since dec 2015 and yeh im fine but at the same time i dont want it to happen again.
I think non negotiable boundaries is the way forward.

Sucue. I agree with that. I shouldnt have rewarded him / reacted to his being skint with an invitation to dinner. I would happily have paid half. Or gone out for chips n beer.
but it was an expensive meal out paid for 100% by him or me cooking for him.
I didnt feel comfortable with that and yet i allowed it to happen. So note to self there.

The thing is you so want to be in a relationship you are believing what these bullshitters say.
And if he wasnt that interested in sex what was he interested in then?
Massive red flag.
Not a chance would a strange man be in the kitchen with my children.
You are in denial OP about your own needy behaviour and the need to rush things forward.
6 to 7 weeks is a blip in time not a relationship.

I would also say that the skint thing was him pulling away. I presume you had already slept with him and then horror of horrors he met the kids. Too much too soon.
The skint thing was an excuse and you know it.

I'm a man and not in the same situtation as any of the men you have dated recently and had bad experiences with. I'm in a long term relationship with young children. I guess what you're describing is the initial thrill of a new relationship where it's all very exciting and you want to see each other a lot, have a lot of sex and get to know each other. So perhaps you've just been unlucky with the recent men you've dated.

One thing I can say, though, is that I were on the dating scene I would be very wary of going to a woman's house if we were only a few weeks in and she had young children (just as I wouldn't let a new woman anywhere near my own children i the same circumstances). If the men you are dating don't seem concerned about going to your house and risking bumping into your children after having only known you for a few weeks then I think that's a bit of a red flag to be honest, and I'd dump them for that!

And if he wasnt that interested in sex what was he interested in then?
Massive red flag.

Oh for Pete's sake, the OP can't win can she? There are men who really seem to want a woman's company, it is really possible he wasn't after sex, money, or anything specific, but that something just went wrong, and he's a bit flakey or socially anxious, and bailed.
Its pretty insulting to the OP to imply that no man would ever have spent 6 weeks dating her just because he liked her!

I completely agree with the previous poster. Maybe he just really enjoyed your company but then for whatever reason, he bailed.

I still stand by my previous comment, though. If he was happy to come to your house and risk bumping into your (young?) children after only knowing you for a few weeks, that's the point when you should have cut him loose. Maybe the guy didn't have children himself (so I'd maybe cut him some more slack). But even then, he ought to have had the common sense not to put himself into that position.

To be honest, I can see how suddenly being confronted with a ready-made family when he barely knows you would be a turn-off.

He did have kids himself!

I know people read these threads and get the wrong impression but I wasn't trying to foist a ready-made family on to him, argh, so far from the truth! And then the advice given is given for a different type of person/situation! But I have taken something from the thread, boundaries. Non-negotiables. If somebody can't afford to go out, I say ''that's a shame'' or something like that. Like I did offer to pay half a few times. To begin with, I didn't want money to be what derailed us so I made it clear that although I appreciated him paying for the first few meals, I didn't expect that every time! I would have prefered to have gone out and returned the favour or paid half. Instead I ended up doing what he very nicely wanted. He was a nice guy so I ended up inviting him in to my house which I obviously regret and won't do again. I've learnt a lesson. But people saying things about a ready-made family, ha ha, so far off the mark, and he knew that . Like I said, what I need to do is be more skilled at slowing the pace. Keeping men at a distance when they erroneously believe that they're super keen. Slow them down to a pace that has a CHANCE. If that's what I want. Maybe if we'd chalked up 9 weeks I'd be the one ending it. Anyway, onwards and upwards.

ohIdoliketobebesidethecoast thank you for your post! I am reading this thread and trying to take something from it but really what's useful is to just type it out. He did enjoy my company and it felt emotionally right. I miss him as a person and that hurts. That's why the chemistry thing didn't derail us immediately. Because we liked each other, and got on! and had fun, and were compatible and on the same wavelength and had a lot in common. Next time I will want a bit more chemistry but I wouldn't see the fact that we got on fantastically well sex aside as a red flag! not at all!

@herewegoagain, wow, that post was directed at some imaginary person that you see but it does not describe me at all.

Hiding the thread now because although I'm thankful to some people on the thread, others are directing their advice at a woman who exists in their head! (and in real life, but who is not me).

Good luck.

I think I get it OP. The thing is, there is a LOT of judgment on the way single mothers date, and you frankly can't do right for doing wrong in a lot of people's eyes..
I had similar experiences as you, with 3 men I dated.
I totally get what you mean about them being really full on, and you trying to keep things more casual. Sometimes it's hard not to get drawn in when a man is telling you how amazing you are!
I agree (as do you) that maintaining boundaries, not cooking them dinner because they are broke etc, is important, but I think it's likely you have just been unlucky and met the wrong men.
I am fiercely independent, and mostly kept dating seperate from my family life, but it's bloody hard when you are a lone parent 100% of the time! I can't go out much, and have been dumped for this in the past, but, you know, spontaneity is not a luxury many lone parents can have!
Anyway, I met my current DP after I had given up on relationships. He was very keen, I thought "meh". I just figured "this is what you get, take me or leave me" and I reckon we were in Asda by the second month!
He's still around a year and a half later, putting up with me
OP, just stick to your boundaries, be who you are, and worry more about what you think of them than what they think of you.

Just a completely different thought.
Maybe they are able to sense the distance you are maintaining with them. First few weeks are about fun and interest in each other. Maybe they want you to be more flexible every now and then. I am not trying to judge you, and I can be completely wrong. How about trying therapy to see why this is happening? Sometimes we attract or get attracted to wrong people. It's worth exploring.

OP, sorry if you feel got at (and sorry if you thought my comments were doing that). I wish you luck in the future.

Decent people do not push someone's boundaries just because they like someone in fact the opposite, they respect them

I can understand how frustrating it would feel after 7 weeks of them being full for them to then turn around and tell you there isn't enough chemistry but it does sound like you crammed a lot in to 7 weeks of dating. Why were you spending so much time together a supermarket trip was necessary? Even though you say you didn't want to be seen together it seems odd that the shopping couldn't be done before/after the date? Also 7 weeks is way way too soon to invite someone into your home with kids there. It also sounds as though you over analyze and take everything said very literally. Lots of PP's have offered advice and unless its agreeing or sympathising you seem to need to persuade us that its not fair, all these men are in the wrong etc and you are unwilling to consider that you may be the cause of their interest trailing off. And you do come across as desperate, just relax and let love happen naturally rather than spending so much time with someone you have to run day to day errands as a date!