So, can we define what makes a "wonderful father"

[Rainbowqueeen]

Feeling really sad to read all these threads talking about how their DH is a "wonderful father' when he is nothing of the kind.

Can we come up with a definition of what a wonderful father actually is?

First time post here. I am the dominant parent, school runs, Saturday clubs, food shops, ironing and most household chores but this does not make me wonderful. Both my wife and I work full time.

The definition of a wonderful father is in the eyes of my daughter and my daughter alone. Anyone else can only speculate. Not a parent that aims for a title of being the best, the fact that I am doing my best is all I can do.

Pays for his kids, isn't an abusive cunt to them or their mother.

It's really tragic when this counts as being a wonderful parent. This is just being a regular parent. A non-dickhead. I suppose it speaks volumes about people today that just being normal is counting as exceptional

I have teenagers and they are increasingly aware of parenting as they get older. They go out of their way to tell me they appreciate me, that they love me and exactly what they love about me - so not just a trite 'I love you mum'
I also know exactly what they don't like about me and try to work on that.
I have brought them up in this way that you tell people what you love about them not just you love them unconditionally. So I don't feel like a 'wonderful' parent but I feel like an effective one. I feel very proud of my lovely DC and hope and pray they do think I am a good parent when they are older, but I'm also happy to hear my bad points

My DH looks like David Gandy's fitter older brother. I think I win

My stbxh is a wonderful father to our 2 dc, he's everything his own shit father isn't thank god!

this is a very needed thread

but I would counsel against using the 'wonderful father' term altogether.

I have learned to my cost - and seen many other mums learn too - that the term 'good enough' parenting is what we should aspire to - the the sanity of everyone ( article here)

Of course I too have seen all the 'wonderful father' threads with many many red flags in them and watched people's lives unravel due to what would more correctly be called 'areshole fathers'.

Not sure what the solution is but we definitely need to include 'is respectful of partner and DCs and doesn't behave like a selfish dick' as part of the 'good enough' dad.

Actually I would say DH is an absolutely wonderful parent. He and DS just get each other. I have never seen DH even raise his voice to DS let alone anything worse.

Yet he is no pushover. Recently DS (12) has a friend over who was asking for something or other that DH was not willing to do and the friend kept asking. DS didn't ask more than twice then eventually (entirely good naturedly) told his friend that he might as well give us as his dad didn't say no much but if he did there was no way he would change his mind.

DS an DH genuinely have a lot in common and like spending quite a bit of time together . Me on the other hand . I definitely am not a wonderful parent. Most days I just about pass muster but occasionally I definitely don't.

My children think their father is wonderful. Almost as amazing as me.
Whats wrong with aiming high? It's not about outside judgements.

My parents have been, and still are, wonderful parents. That's not the same as perfect parents: there are no perfect parents.

They are flawed people, as we all are. But they are also extraordinary in many ways, and, despite their own problems, I was always certain of their love and of the fact that they are decent people who behave decently towards each other and other people. They also thought that an education is one of the best things you can give your children, and have always encouraged and been proud of my intellectual pursuits.

They are also fun, interesting people whom I would like even if they were not my parents.

I think all that is quite wonderful.

Hey, if I've fabricated ,my own definition of wonderful mother and think myself to have fulfilled it, who are you to say I'm not?

That is the whole point though. It's your own definition. Others may think it's a crap definition. There is no one definition of a wonderful parent.