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Original poster

So, can we define what makes a "wonderful father"

60 replies

Rainbowqueeen · 03/04/2017 00:09

Feeling really sad to read all these threads talking about how their DH is a "wonderful father' when he is nothing of the kind.

Can we come up with a definition of what a wonderful father actually is?

OP posts:

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 06/04/2017 12:40

Good food for thought, sorry.

onlyinshakespeare · 06/04/2017 12:43

Isn't the problem that it's harder to be a wonderful mother without another parent?

Emboo19 · 06/04/2017 12:51

My boyfriend says I'm an amazing mum and he doesn't know how I do it so easily! I'd say I'm a good mum most of the time, if we just ignore the extra glasses of wine I drink while breastfeeding, and that right now dd is sat watching cooking channels on tv while I'm on mumsnet!

I do think especially seen as I have a daughter, I'd find it very difficult to think he could be a good dad, if he was a rubbish partner. As I hope that dd grows up seeing a good example of a healthy relationship. Eveb if we don't stay together, I hope she'd see two people who care and respect each other as co parents if nothing else.

lazytuesday · 06/04/2017 12:51

Someone who is genuinely interested in, and loves their children. Someone who would put their childs needs and welfare above their own when needed. Someone who understands that they need to reliably be there for their children, both emotionally and physically. Someone who respects and supports the childrens other parent if there is one. Who doesnt argue with or undermine the other parent in front of the children but works hard to co parent respectfully.

DrDreReturns · 06/04/2017 13:04

Just define a wonderful parent instead.

Adora10 · 06/04/2017 13:10

I am not going to list the obvious; we all know what makes a good dad, just like a good mum, but yes folk on here saying, my partner kicked me, slapped me but he's a wonderful father is utter crap; no he is not, he'd not abuse the mother of his child if that was true; some women on here really need to wise up; I hate how some women prioritise the shit men in their life and make their kids have to suffer it too then come on here and ask if it's normal....knowing fine well it is not.

Shortdarkandfeisty · 06/04/2017 13:24

I think my dh is a wonderful father.

He's kind, thoughtful, intelligent, considerate and a great role model.

Gooseygoosey12345 · 06/04/2017 13:44

I just think it's someone who gives a shit and tries his best, shows love to his kids, has their best interests at heart and tries to make those interests a reality

Ginger782 · 06/04/2017 13:49

Adora10 is spot on. A good father is a good leader for his children - he needs to demonstrate how to treat others by treating his partner with love, kindness and respect. For those of you who think someone can be a good father AND an abusive partner, I feel for you and your children. Your children will never understand how to interact with their future wives/husbands etc because they had a terrible example set for them.
This is a TV ad currently running here in Australia that helps demonstrate this:

Hulder · 06/04/2017 17:44

My Dad was a wonderful father - except he did all the stuff my mum did - or the stuff she would have loved to have done if she hadn't been too busy working!

So he changed nappies, did washing, loads of childcare while my mum was at work, too me took masses of activities and museums. We went off on holiday together - he learnt horseriding so I could go on a pony trekking holiday I was too young to go on without an adult OK my mum didn't do that, she's scared of horses

Most importantly looking at a lot of Mumsnet posts, he didn't treat me differently because I was a girl. I don't know if this would have been different if I hadn't been an only child but I suspect not - he was like this with ALL children and cheerfully assumed everyone wanted to know about engineering.

However looking back, he got endless comments about how Wonderful he was - while my poor mum was still left doing the grunt work! When she taught me how to bake a cake or how to knit no-one ever said that she was so wonderful but he just had to give me lift to the hairdressers and people were swooning

SoupDragon · 06/04/2017 17:49

No. Like there's no such thing as a wonderful or perfect mother.

This.

chestylarue52 · 06/04/2017 17:58

If you'll excuse the opinion of someone who is not a parent.

From the outside I see that as mothers you all have times when you shine as 'wonderful mothers', when you are present and forgiving or creative and playful. When you channel Pinterest or curate the perfect day out.

And other times when you are 'good enough', when you are knackered and they get cold beans on toast while you hide in the kitchen necking wine do as to avoid the same Paw Patrol for the billionth time.

There is no such thing as the 'wonderful mother' so let me posit there is no such thing as the 'wonderful father'. All you can hope for is the 'trying my best if my abilities and not abusive' parent.

BoboChic · 06/04/2017 18:04

A great parent is one who (a) works as a team with his/her partner in order to provide a supportive and harmonious home for all members of the family (b) knows what is going on in his/her DCs' lives and supports them to overcome the inevitable hurdles while being ambitious in helping them reach their potential and personal goals.

JK1773 · 06/04/2017 18:13

I'm not a parent myself but my DP is. I'd consider him a wonderful father for many reasons, he has his children every week for 3 days, he respects their mother, he is massively proud of every achievement they make, he encourages them to develop and find their own individual skills and personalities and above all else they come first. I've never met them but I know all about them because he's so proud and I always know that whatever we may be doing or might want to do, his time with them comes first. Have massive respect for him as a father

Eolian · 06/04/2017 18:21

To be a good parent, whether father or mother, I tend to think you just need to be a decent human being - the rules apply to everyone in society, not just parents. Be kind, do your share, be responsible and a good role model to those younger than you or in your charge, look out for those weaker or more vulnerable than you. I'd say that covers most things.

DingDongtheWitchIsDangDiddlyDe · 06/04/2017 18:34

No. Like there's no such thing as a wonderful or perfect mother

Of course there is such a thing as a wonderful mother. How depressing to imagine otherwise.
No-one is perfect.

SoupDragon · 06/04/2017 18:36

No. Like there's no such thing as a wonderful or perfect mother

Of course there is such a thing as a wonderful mother. How depressing to imagine otherwise.

Not as depressing as never living up to some fabricated definition of "wonderful mother" (or father)

DingDongtheWitchIsDangDiddlyDe · 06/04/2017 18:42

Hey, if I've fabricated ,my own definition of wonderful mother and think myself to have fulfilled it, who are you to say I'm not?

Kikikaakaa · 06/04/2017 18:48

No it is certainly not harder to be a good parent without the other parent onlyinshakespeare

It's perfectly possible to be a good parent without needing another person to do it with you, this is what drives a lot of women bonkers that it can feel that it is their role to almost teach a man how to be a father and they end up being a better more invested parent without the dead weight of a crap father hanging over them all.

I don't go in for the term wonderful but prefer to think of people as loving, good parents. We are all selfish sometimes. The bar is low for many women in what they do as parents and are blinded by a few seemingly wonderful moments that surely are just normal.

My ex-p is a very average parent who struggles. He's not exactly a bad father but his own limitations limit his parenting. I like to believe (and what kids tell me) I don't have those limitations to my personality so they see me as a more effective parent. My BF is a very effective, present and unselfish parent to his kids which is exactly how it should be. He doesn't seem to be limited by lack of intelligence, insight or just selfish like my ex-p

Lweji · 06/04/2017 18:52

My child tells me I'm the best mother, so, I am.
He doesn't lie.

AuntieStella · 06/04/2017 18:58

I read a cynical definition once that a good father is one who doesn't scar the children and who doesn't steal the housekeeping.

My definition would include being fully present, doing plenty of the thinking and remembering and the planning, and communicating well. The key quality being lovingkindness.

OhPuddleducks · 06/04/2017 18:59

Criteria for a wonderful father is the same as for a wonderful mother in my opinion: a parent who listens and hears what their kids are saying, is understanding and supportive of them but also not afraid to parent them by showing them where the boundaries are so that they become lovely, well rounded individuals. Basically, until your kids are grown and in the world, you will have no idea whether you were a wonderful parent or not.

AuntieStella · 06/04/2017 19:00

PS: I meant fully present in a metaphorical sense, not the literal one. It's about attention IYSWIM, rather than actual amount of time.

PoorYorick · 06/04/2017 19:05

Judging by some posts here, it's any sperm donor who isn't intentionally trying to murder his children.

I know it's not the women's fault, they're usually abused down to the ground and can't see which end is up. But it drives me crazy, I can't help it. Reading paragraph after paragraph about how he snorts the rent money up his nose, stays out drinking all hours and throttles his partner and yet is a great father. What does a shit father look like to some of these people?

Kr1stina · 06/04/2017 19:11

A wonderful father is someone who does as much parenting when not in work as the mother does

This.

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