You were right- it's an OW

[Sukistjames]

I posted in November about my husband leaving me suddenly. You all said it would be for OW. Tonight he's admitted it.

Cddtmcn fddqecq c

Shit, sorry that post was written by my six month old.

She also thinks that he is a prize prick and that you are an incredibly strong and wonderful mummy to be managing to keep it together so well for your dd.

Agatha - it will get easier

Op - thats FAB you have the strong support network at your workplace. Rely on that as your source of strength. It sound invaluable for you right now!!!

Its funny that in times of crisis, sometimes your main sources of strength and support are from the least expected places x

Learning new information like this can seem like taking a step back into the what-ifs of a wound still raw from the agony of experience. In time you might see this revelation as a moment when you can let go of blaming yourself, wondering if "it was you" and all that shit. In time you can accept that this was him.

His choices over-rode yours and you really had no control over that so - easier said than done - you can actually let him go now. That is a step forwards not backwards.

It's hard, emotionally, to know there's nothing to be done about dc contact with ow but I think you have to just try and step away from that. It's part of his choice. You can't allow her to get in YOUR way and your new life now. Your new life with your dc and him gone, albeit to her. That will play out as it does. Like a theatrical play, that isn't your scene to be in.

Don't know of that helps, just trying to swing things around so you can see this is, in a bizarre way, a step forward and away from him, rather than a new torture to confuse your pain.

Winky, I love your post! Thank you, it made me smile.
I've seen a lovely solicitor this morning and cried throughout the meeting. She can't believe he has introduced OW so soon and says he is being entirely unreasonable. I'm going to start the divorce process on the grounds of adultery.
I'm worried about the financial implications though and how I'm going to have enough to pay all the household bills and legal fees. I can see him trying to pay as little as he can.

Although I havent split at the moment, I saw a lovely lady solictor too-- a real ballsy one who advised me to get squirelling, ducks in a row and do things at a time to suit me. She was very practical. Take her advice totally and if she is any good she really wont let him get away with as little as possible.

Well I'm glad that we could make you smile at least. even if it was at my half arsed attempt at parenting while mnetting

You really are managing beautifully at what must be an incredibly tricky time.
Keep going and keep posting. There are lots of much wiser people than me on here who will be able to help and guide you through this. Xx

😡 he is pissing me off! I have asked that he has the DC at weekends that she doesn't join them on trips out like zoo, walks, etc as they need alone time with him. I said I understand that she lives there too and I don't expect her to have no interaction with the DC.
He can't see that any of his actions are unreasonable.
He's making me doubt myself and my opinions and feelings about it. Aibu or is he a dick head?

This happened to me, very very similar circumstances. I felt just as you do now. I really didn't know how to keep smiling for the children; the betrayal is so absolute and it makes you physically shake thinking of them playing families with your kids. I found out six months after he'd left for no clear reason; turned out he had bought a house in that time and was all happily shacked up.

But this message is not just to empathise. It is to ASSURE you that you will not feel like this for long. You've done the first hurt and shock. This second hurt and shock feels every bit as bad (I think I found it actually worse, as my coping up till then had been built on the lies he'd told me) but you will bounce back far quicker. You will find your strength and this hurt will burn like hell just now but you already have sewn all the seeds for coping, and coping well. Seeing a counsellor just in the short term helped me. Good friends saved me! Gather your friends round you and talk and talk.

Your kids will know when they are older how strong you have been and will continue to be. You can do this. It is so hard but you have no choice and the best way through I found is to cry it out when away from the kids, talk to understanding friends, write your feelings down - I couldn't get better until I'd released all my anguish. It's worth a try.

Really feeling for you OP. Mumsnet was such a support when it was me, so feel our support and feel strengthened by it. Thinking of you.