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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

telling partner they have bad breath

60 replies

Kikikaakaa · 02/04/2017 11:05

I have posted about this before on another subject, this is my boyfriend and we don't live together. I feel like I am going to have to say something to him as it is massively offputting me kissing him or even cuddling at times. Initially it was only occasionally that it was a bit whiffy but it's got worse and smells kind of different? I can't describe the smell but it's not just stale breath (like morning breath which we all get from time to time).

I am not sure if he is aware that he has it but in the past when he has spoken to me about his indigestion problems he was having I urged him to go to the doctor. He did not go. I also do not think he bothers to go to the dentist often either. He is very clean otherwise, always showering and brushes his teeth a lot even at my house so I don't think it's a dental problem.

I feel a bit sorry for him and downright mortified that I feel I have to say something as I don't know what to say or how he will take it. Is this going to just kill his self confidence around me. Its really starting to kill my attraction to him so I need to speak up. Any suggestions of kind ways to do this? Or say nothing and break up?

OP posts:
applespearsbears · 02/04/2017 16:42

Try CB12 mouthwash my partner uses it and it's much better than regular mouthwash. He says it's when he hasn't drunk enough water that his gets bad

VelvetSparkles · 02/04/2017 16:43

Does it smell like fermenting apples or pear drops? A kind of musty, acidic almost rotten but sweet smell?

NoArmaniNoPunani · 02/04/2017 16:45

Listerine stains too. Not as badly as corsodyl though

palebluesky · 02/04/2017 16:50

Hmm, mines been fine so far. Which one, NoArmani? I use the whitening one. I have had a couple of throat infections and had an unpleasant buildup of phlegm so I have found using mouthwash helps but I'm worried now! I know it's ridiculously vain but having stains appear on my teeth REALLY upset me!

PeachyImpeachment · 02/04/2017 16:52

Please tell him - I think you would be doing him a favour.

We know a man who has bad breath. We hadn't seen him for ages but I bumped into him the other day and it was awful. He's a nice man and I wanted to talk, but the smell of his breath was so repellent I had to take a step back - and I am someone who quite happily did nappy changes/picking up dog messes. I don't understand why his wife hasn't said (unless she has and they can't do anything about it).

Belle1102 · 02/04/2017 16:57

I think the way to do it is to keep it as light hearted as possible. Don't sit him down for a serious conversation as he'll only feel humiliated and hurt. Just casually make a joke about it when he's up close to you, something along the lines of:
"what have you eaten? Your breath smells funny".
If he brushes it off then do it again a few days later and be like "your breath has that same weird smell as it did a few days ago".
It may seem cruel but it's crueller to not tell him as he might end up becoming the butt of jokes at his workplace or with his friends if they all think his breath smells horrible too. Plus he could have a health problem causing it that needs looking into.
My dad's breath used to always smell of coffee and staleness. My mum had to just tell him one day to sort it out because his work colleagues must have been finding it vile when they would have to be in close proximity

Original poster
Kikikaakaa · 02/04/2017 17:00

It is like a sweet smell!
He has a good diet and doesn't drink much or smoke so I think he assumes he's healthy. He is really apart from this weird smell

As for intimacy, well in all honesty as it's got worse I am just more avoidant! When we first met it was only occasionally smelly and after a drink or gum it would be ok. If I cuddle or sex I try to do spoons so I am not facing him. This is terrible!

I'm going to say something but what is a good moment? Just randomly?

OP posts:
SparkleSoiree · 02/04/2017 17:03

I had this with my DH recently. I said "Babe, are you feeling ok?" He asked why and I said "Because your breath smells strange.." He said "ok" and within a few days he had resolved it. I didn't have to mention it again but I know that he would rather have known about it because he works in close proximity with people and he would hate for them to have smelled it.

Just mention it, usually that's all that's needed.

Belle1102 · 02/04/2017 17:11

If he gets upset when you say it and thinks you're being mean then just make it clear you're concerned that he maybe needs a filling or something.

Original poster
Kikikaakaa · 02/04/2017 17:14

Sparkle that's actually good I might go with that!

OP posts:
Original poster
Kikikaakaa · 02/04/2017 17:15

He wouldn't think I was mean I am never mean to him and I am not a mean spirited person. He would just be upset and over think it all and worry really bad

OP posts:
palebluesky · 02/04/2017 17:16

Sweet smells can be a sign of diabetes.

Wibblewobbles · 02/04/2017 17:20

I get bad breath sometimes and I hate it when DH mentions it, it makes me feel really self conscious and I feel like there's nothing I can do about it Sad Mainly just hurts because I feel like I must be really gross and unattractive to him. So personally I'd say tell him, but make sure he knows you still find him sexy etc aside from that one issue!

PollyPerky · 02/04/2017 17:27

How do you know he'd be upset and overthink it?
You're catastrophising. You don't know how he'd respond.
If he does get all upset, he was issues!
Most people would be bloody glad their partner told them.

You aren't responsible for his reactions.
You are responsible for yours.

If it offends you- tell him.

user1489261248 · 02/04/2017 17:40

What never ceases to amaze me, is how people don't know they have rank breath. If I have morning breath when I wake up, I am incredibly conscious of it, and would know for sure if I had whiffy breff. Like I can't fathom how people don't know they stink of sweat/B.O. (Or just a general nasty stinky body smell.) If I have the faintest whiff of B.O. or any stink, I know before anyone else does. How can he not know?

All that said, I would tell him without a shadow of a doubt. If you can smell it OP, so can everyone else, and people will be talking about him. I used to work with a bloke whose breath smelt utterly repugnant, and you could smell it from 9-10 feet away, I shit you not. He had a girlfriend too who worked at the same place, and I could never figure out how she tolerated it; it was putrid. He had yellow teeth too, so it was down to bad oral hygiene.

So it offends him, but it's no worse than you having to tolerate his vile breath.

Original poster
Kikikaakaa · 02/04/2017 17:49

He's a sensitive over thinker. So I am pretty sure he would over think it and worry. He eats a lot of chewing gum so I wonder if he is aware of it? i always get up when I wake up and get water and brush my teeth but he doesn't. Not that it seems to help much!

I was wondering about the sweet smell like ketone smell but he doesn't appear to have any symptoms except acid reflux and this honestly does need addressing. He really struggles with fizzy drinks and couldn't eat a curry without being in pain all night!

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 02/04/2017 17:59

So, you know and he knows that he has digestive issues. It's just about making sure he realises it needs addressing.

I suppose you could say 'I really worry about your health because I know you have a problem, and actually it makes your breath quite unpleasant too.

My DHs breath used to smell like liver. Most unpleasant.

I think the reason it's hard to mention to nearest and dearest, is that it isn't 'a bit pongy'. It's repellent,y vile and a real stomach churning turn off!

Iloveanimals · 02/04/2017 18:00

Sometimes the smell comes from the nose Area. I have a family member who suffers from this and it can be confused with bad breath because it's the same kind of area. Basically a build up of mucus on the snot makes the smell. Get him to blow his nose and see if the smell fades... Honest this really does happen with some people

AnyFucker · 02/04/2017 18:04

A sweet smell could be diabetes. He really should get checked out.

PeachyImpeachment · 02/04/2017 18:07

It sounds like he is aware and has been told before - if he's not thick skinned, you can be gentle. Poor guy Sad

Phoebefromfriends · 02/04/2017 18:09

Is this the same guy who is obsessed with long sex sessions and stops himself from coming for hours, or am I getting you confused with someone else?

He's definitely needs to see a doctor. Be gentle but firm, good luck OP.

Hissy · 02/04/2017 18:25

My breath smells sweet if I'm dehydrated. My boyf brought it up... I still love him 😍😂

Does he drink enough fluid?

Hissy · 02/04/2017 18:26

I've had symptoms similar to his

Gluten and lactose are no longer my friends. I also take omeprazole on prescription

FuzzyFelt14 · 02/04/2017 18:29

If you think it is from the stomach, probiotic yogurts/drinks may help. I saw a health programme once where a girl who had bad breath was advised to have a daily probiotic. It did solve the problem for her.

Original poster
Kikikaakaa · 02/04/2017 18:55

Lol yes it is the same guy.
Needless to say I have not been indulging in any long sessions for more than one reason and this is one of them!

OP posts: