99.9% sure...
How can I be clever about confirming before I do something? (I.e. tell the wife)
I feel like if the wife has mumsnet she will know I am talking about her husband 
Red Flags;
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Guy is a club manager... instant distrust of him because of his job. I assumed he would be sleazy, use his job to get with loads of girls as he has easy access. Seemed cocky and arrogant the way he strutted around in his suit...
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Been FB messaging me since January chasing me. Offered me queue jumps ect, which I declined as think that is a bit tacky and I didn't want the feeling of 'owing' him something. Offered to cook me dinner, but I declined as I wasn't interested in dating at that time and I just thought if he is messaging me, how many other girls are there?
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He has 1,000+ friends on facebook. The facebook is a work page to do with the club though, but majority of friends are young, attractive girls...
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Overly charming and confident. Extremely complimentary and smooth. Doesn't appear nervous around women. Seems like 'he's done this all before'
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He has 2 children who are a 2 hour train journey away. He travels to see them sometimes Sunday-Weds, sometimes Mon-Weds. He says he was with his wife for a decade but she had an affair so they split...
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When he has 'gone to visit his children' he has said he will be off his phone for 'kids time' , or he has just gone quiet and not messaged me. I've never really messaged him first though so I don't know what he would do if I contacted him during these days.
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He doesn't have an actual house here...he lives above the club in a pokey 1 room. It doesnt appear like a home..
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He is 10 years older than me.. I feel like older men chase younger girls because he might assume I am easier to manipulate/ pull the wool over my eyes.
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He has his wifes name tattooed on him. He said 'Oh I need to get that covered'
I facebooked the name, her page is private, her profile picture currently is just a photo of her, but back in January it was a wedding photo of them. I can't remember when they were supposed to have split, but he was messaging me late January... and he talks as if their split was months and months ago...
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He 'liked' her cover photo which is of their children. But from a second facebook profile! Not the one he uses for club stuff. I understand he may want a 'work' facebook and a 'personal' facebook, but that seems dodgy?? His facebook is private so I couldn't see anything apart from his profile picture which is just of him (which the wife has liked) seems very friendly terms if they aren't together!
Mainly the facebook stuff is pointing they are together, I feel like he lives with her, and just travels here for work and plays away when he is here.
Obviously I don't know for 100% sure though.
I havent had sex with this man thank god, but it was leading that way. I've been to his place and there was kissing, touching ect. Lots of sexual messages. I didn't ever want a relationship with him, as I knew he couldn't give me what I want... works a lot, travels half the week, older - doesnt want more children. I just wanted a casual, fun setup - but not with a bloody married man!
How can I be clever in finding out for sure without him knowing I am on to him? The wife deserves to know if it is the case. Poor woman :(