I think the guy I am dating has a secret wife!

[Popcorn08]

99.9% sure...
How can I be clever about confirming before I do something? (I.e. tell the wife)
I feel like if the wife has mumsnet she will know I am talking about her husband

Red Flags;

1. Guy is a club manager... instant distrust of him because of his job. I assumed he would be sleazy, use his job to get with loads of girls as he has easy access. Seemed cocky and arrogant the way he strutted around in his suit...

2. Been FB messaging me since January chasing me. Offered me queue jumps ect, which I declined as think that is a bit tacky and I didn't want the feeling of 'owing' him something. Offered to cook me dinner, but I declined as I wasn't interested in dating at that time and I just thought if he is messaging me, how many other girls are there?

3. He has 1,000+ friends on facebook. The facebook is a work page to do with the club though, but majority of friends are young, attractive girls...

4. Overly charming and confident. Extremely complimentary and smooth. Doesn't appear nervous around women. Seems like 'he's done this all before'

5. He has 2 children who are a 2 hour train journey away. He travels to see them sometimes Sunday-Weds, sometimes Mon-Weds. He says he was with his wife for a decade but she had an affair so they split...

6. When he has 'gone to visit his children' he has said he will be off his phone for 'kids time' , or he has just gone quiet and not messaged me. I've never really messaged him first though so I don't know what he would do if I contacted him during these days.

7. He doesn't have an actual house here...he lives above the club in a pokey 1 room. It doesnt appear like a home..

8. He is 10 years older than me.. I feel like older men chase younger girls because he might assume I am easier to manipulate/ pull the wool over my eyes.

9. He has his wifes name tattooed on him. He said 'Oh I need to get that covered'
   I facebooked the name, her page is private, her profile picture currently is just a photo of her, but back in January it was a wedding photo of them. I can't remember when they were supposed to have split, but he was messaging me late January... and he talks as if their split was months and months ago...

10. He 'liked' her cover photo which is of their children. But from a second facebook profile! Not the one he uses for club stuff. I understand he may want a 'work' facebook and a 'personal' facebook, but that seems dodgy?? His facebook is private so I couldn't see anything apart from his profile picture which is just of him (which the wife has liked) seems very friendly terms if they aren't together!

Mainly the facebook stuff is pointing they are together, I feel like he lives with her, and just travels here for work and plays away when he is here.

Obviously I don't know for 100% sure though.

I havent had sex with this man thank god, but it was leading that way. I've been to his place and there was kissing, touching ect. Lots of sexual messages. I didn't ever want a relationship with him, as I knew he couldn't give me what I want... works a lot, travels half the week, older - doesnt want more children. I just wanted a casual, fun setup - but not with a bloody married man!

How can I be clever in finding out for sure without him knowing I am on to him? The wife deserves to know if it is the case. Poor woman :(

Is this an April fools? Because you haven't said one thing that indicates that you even like the guy. Move on.

Quite why are you dating him and what the hell do you see in him? You sound like it's some sort of game [confued]

I wouldn't even tell him you think he's married. He'll just think, omg the naivety of her thinking she had a future with me, he'll laugh. Tell him that you've met a man you're own age, say "byeeeee! :-)"

Fat fingers

OP - he's sleezy, chats up girls, is arrogant bla bla bla yet you obviously STILL fancy him and as for why would someone stay with their husband if they had a fair idea of that?, that is none of your business. Grow up, keep your beak out of other people's marriages.

The question you should be asking yourself is why despite this man's very unattractive profile plus wife and kids, do I still fancy him?

He really sounds vile. Get rid. His poor wife.

Popcorn, don't bother turning all detective, walk away now ....

Her marriage is her issue. Not yours. I'd block him and move on with your life.

Why would someone stay with their husband if they had a fair idea of that?!

There's loads of reasons but it's often a lot to do with money or lifestyle. Think about Coleen Rooney, John Terry's wife and so on and there's your answer

If his Facebook profile is full of young, attractive girls, then I'd say his wife already has a fair idea of what he's like.

And you only have his word for it that they split 'because SHE had an affair', maybe she saw through his flimsy 'I'm Da Man' act and dumped him. Maybe he's on the lookout for a replacement because he's run out of clean socks and is fed up with takeaways?

You don't know. And you'll never know. Leave this one well alone and find someone nearer your own age, that you actually like.

I'm firmly of the opinion you should not have sex with anyone you wouldn't consider raising a child with - giving 1/6 pregnancies are unplanned.

That's up to you, but you must know it's a minority opinion? Despite what you'd think from this thread, OP isn't the first woman to contemplate having sex with a man she thinks is a bit of an idiot, and she won't be the last...

You don't even sound like you like this guy so why was it leading yo a shag? Do you always have sex with men you don't even like

Seriously you delete his number and carry on with your life not thinking of him again, it's that simple!

I think it's pretty obvious he is married and you are his side chick.
But I don't think there's much to be gained from contacting the wife here. I would just write it up to experience and walk away. He's a sleezebag and I wouldn't waste anymore time on him.
But I'm a big lover of a drama-free life

You don't sound like you actually like him anyway so why are you with him?

Why would someone stay with their husband if they had a fair idea of that?!

• Fear of the unknown
• finances
• the kids
• love

Sorry, but it's not a secret wife you're his "secret bit on the side"

Are you getting some sort of feeling of status by going out with this guy? Everything you've said suggests you don't like him at all, get you're heading towards sleeping with him whilst playing detective so you can drop a bomb on his wife's life. You sound very immature

Yes - he is married.

The secret is you.

Phones do not have to go "silent for days" for kids time. They go silent for days because they are home with their wife and don't want the hassle of wife asking who are you texting.

When you say you are dating, what does that involve?

Sounds like he's got enough cash to get his tattoo covered. You can't judge him by where he lives tho, he's by himself so a pokey flat above his club I see nothing wrong in it. Don't tell his wife anything as its not your place too, just ignore him find someone else.

Just don't go out with him anymore. You think he's sleazy. Why would you get involved. Just walk away and don't worry about it anymore..

There is nothing for you to walk away from. Just block him.

You don't appear to have a nice word to say about the man. How low is your self esteem to think he warrants your time.

That's up to you, but you must know it's a minority opinion? Despite what you'd think from this thread, OP isn't the first woman to contemplate having sex with a man she thinks is a bit of an idiot, and she won't be the last...

Just because there's a lot of idiots in the world doesn't mean it's a good idea. If you aren't 100% sure that an abortion wouldn't be a big deal to you (and that you could get one without any hassle), then don't let idiots stick their dicks in you.
Simple common sense.

OP, I'd just ask the "ex"-wife: "I'm dating this guy and he says he's divorced ... is that true?"

I'd recommend that you find a man your own age, considering that you don't even like this one and he's probably not that good-looking anymore, either.

So he has two FB accounts and only messages you from his work FB? I assume you are not connected on his personal FB. I doubt you are the only one his texting and/or meeting.

Red flags. Get rid of him.