DH shouting/ swearing at me.

[Woollymammoth63]

I wasn't sure whether to post in relationships or on here, but decided to post it here as I have before. I am in counselling for various issues and have been doing better.
A few days ago DH had to go out in the stormy weather to pick up ds. I had recently done a fair few of these trips and we'd agreed he would do this one. When he came back he was in a foul mood, and I could see he was really angry. Apparently he couldn't find ds for a few minutes as he had thought DH may be at the other end of the school and then was talking briefly to someone. Anyway on return home, I said well he didn't mean it, he was looking for you that's all. DH exploded at me shouting ' well you could have fucing gone, if you had got off your fuc ing arse !' I should add I was supposed to go out somewhere else, and he had probably decided this was unfair, in actual fact I didn't go anywhere as I was tired.
Am I reasonable in thinking this is terrible behaviour?

Xpost..anxiety is a killer I know. The more you write the more it sounds like he's worn you down. Try not to think too far ahead. And be kind to yourself.

Yeah so his moods dictate everything. Fuck that.

Wrt the anxiety, I have been much better lately but when I do get it it can be quite bad.

You don't need a psychologist telling you what to do. What you said she "thinks" is just what you have told us you want to do. Sounds like she is doing her job empowering you to make your own decisions!

woolymammoth: 2 months ago I left an EA relationship. Its still difficult to call it that but that is what is was. 21 years together 2 DC's. He was always quite quick to anger, moody and shouty but over the last few years it got worse and worse.

I had numerous conversations with him about how it made me feel, the name calling, the critisisms, the put downs, the negativity. It was when my mental health started to suffer I knew enough was enough. My boys were seeing that was how you speak to someone you are supposed to love, its not right.

I stayed out of misguided loyalty, out of love, out of guilt. I still have those feelings but let me tell you this. Life is much better for me (even though it is tough and I am still in contact with him, and he still has hopes we will get back together) just for the simple fact I am able to listen to my inner voice and do what I want, say what I want etc without fear of reprisals. I got to the point where I was overthinking everything I did, to decide if that action would get a reaction. It is a shitty way to live. It totally erodes your self esteem and your autonomy. I wasn't me. I was living his perception of how I should be.

I can't tell you exactly what the tipping point was, but I had been wanting to leave him for 3 1/2 years. Once I decided I deserved better, each incident just kept building and building. The more I pulled away emotionally, the worse it got, and boom......I left.

The fallout has been tough, the kids have coped, I have coped, my friends and family have rallied around me. You say you hate him, so now is the time to mobilise all your strength and believe you deserve better. Because you do. And I didn't get an immediate sense of relief, I cried every day (still do somedays), I miss him. But I KNOW I had to leave, I feel lighter, I feel more myself and its only 2 months in.

Keep posting on here, because you will wobble daily.

Charlotte: I said I would do whatever was in my ds best interests . I have no desire to stay in the marriage. I asked if would it be more harmful to stay than go, I would go , or more harmful to go, I would stay, but she said she understood I was staying for his sake and she thought to stay was in his best interests at the moment.

OK. Then please take it as one point of view (amongst a number you have sought) to help you make a decision. Don't feel you have to do what somebody tells you.

That's not to say that it's the wrong advice. It's very hard to tell as nobody can see the future. You've a lot of factors to weigh up, including if you can physically stand staying! Maybe there's a way to stay under the same roof but be more self-contained?

Thanks Charlotte :) I am very self contained but it's still hard x

OP, I was spared being the child of a loveless marriage, well at least my dad left when I was four, but friends who were not so fortunate say that it is hell.

Yes it is, and I couldn't do it. I think in your position I'd arm myself with a list of potential benefits for DS, take a deep breath and start the walk to freedom.