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Original poster

wtf do i do now?

65 replies

BastardGoDarkly · 29/03/2017 08:19

So, I've thought about starting a thread a few times about dh and his obsession with his phone, was going to ask if its reasonable to just ask to look through it.
Anyway, last night we'd had a drink, and I asked if i could look through his phone, in a half joking way, cue frantic tapping on phone, then he handed it over, with deleted internet history,I asked wtf, and started looking further (I don't know what I'm doing with his phone) he snatched it back and ranted about his privacy.

As soon as this happened,I felt like I'd always known he is hiding something.

He knows I wouldn't hit the roof about average porn, so its something else/more.

But I'll never know now will I? I'm thinking all sorts, I haven't spoken to him today, he left for work before I got up.

What do I do now? I feel like i can't believe a word he says now.

OP posts:
Original poster
BastardGoDarkly · 29/03/2017 09:30

Yeah, we've had that conversation Starry I think i brought it up because of this phone feeling, along the lines of... Do you watch porn dh?... Erm, yes sometimes.... Ah ok, but no chat to actual women or anything?.... God no.... Ok.

That was ages ago.

Pretty I think he'd have just told me, he didn't know what to say in the end.

OP posts:
ChrisYoungFuckingRocks · 29/03/2017 09:33

In my experience only people with something to hide get that defensive. If you don't have anything to hide then you just say OK, no problem. I hope it's nothing though, for your sake.

Original poster
BastardGoDarkly · 29/03/2017 09:58

He's just messaged saying he's got more than one search icon, the one i tapped on was obviously the one he watched a bit of porn on, and deletes every time, because he wouldn't want anyone to see it by accident fat chance

My head hurts Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
BastardGoDarkly · 29/03/2017 09:59

Can you have more than one history?

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 29/03/2017 10:02

TBH Op if that's the case you will see all his random searches still there for his 'non porn' stuff.... And I would ask to see it if he uses a different search thingy.
Sounds shady it's horrible. Been there Flowers

WhiteCaribou · 29/03/2017 10:13

If the thing about the search icons was true wouldn't he have said so at the time, when you asked about him deleting his history? I could of course be totally wrong but to me it sounds like he's gone away in a panic to try and think of some damage limitation and this is what he's come up with.

I am a fairly suspicious type though.

Pimmmms · 29/03/2017 10:14

Most people use the home wifi on their phones, so there might be a way of searching the websites that have been accessed through your router, but you would need to plug your router directly into your computer and access it as the administrator.

Worth a try, anyway.

Original poster
BastardGoDarkly · 29/03/2017 10:29

He's said I can look through his whole phone tonight, the search history with dates on, messages, calls, its all there apparently, except the 'other' search icon that's deleted of course.

He said the frantic tapping was him putting in his password to give me the phone, that I was drunk and acting shitty about it, and he got pissed off with my attitude, so just wanted to go to bed, and not stand there while I went through his phone.

He sounds very convincing I have to say Confused

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 29/03/2017 10:42

Are you tech savvy Bastard could you check the router like pimmmms suggested?

Original poster
BastardGoDarkly · 29/03/2017 10:47

Not really Grin what wire from router would I put where pimmmms ?

OP posts:
BusterGonad · 29/03/2017 10:51

I'm in agreement with the others now, I didn't realize there were previous issues. Sorry op, it's not looking good! 😟

Bobbins43 · 29/03/2017 10:53

I THINK you can only have a separate search history if you have installed more than one browser. So, if he's watching something on Chrome or Firefox as opposed to using the browser that came with his phone.

I think looking at it now, after he's deleted the search history is kind of missing the point really. If he is up to something he would have had plenty of time to delete whatever it is he doesn't want you to see.

What makes you suspicious about it all?

Lillygolightly · 29/03/2017 11:48

Hi Bastardgodarkley

I can only reiterate what others have said in trusting your gut feeling. You feel that something is amiss because there is something amiss. Now it may not be an affair but is obviously something he wants to hide from you because he knows it would hurt/upset you. As to what his dishonesty constitutes who knows....and of course he will let you look at his phone later....after he's had chance to remove anything suspect.

If it were me I'd go quiet on the subject and wait for opportunities to snoop and see for myself.

Original poster
BastardGoDarkly · 29/03/2017 11:59

I think you're right lilly I'm not even going to bother looking at his phone tonight, what's the point?

Of course if he is hiding something, he's going to be ultra careful now, I might never know wtf it is.

At the same time though, I can't chuck my marriage in on a 'gut feeling' I just can't, so I guess I try and move on, if I can't, then that's a different issue, and I'll have to consider our future.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply Flowers

OP posts:
Lillygolightly · 29/03/2017 12:06

Flowers I hope you find peace of mind sooner than later.

DaisyBlameless · 29/03/2017 12:10

Sounds well dodgy to me, sorry.

sassandfaff · 29/03/2017 12:13

Do you know his Gmail address and password? You can access his history on his Google account. (Only if it is chrome and not safari) it will still be there even if he has deleted his phone's history. Also if it's a Samsung galaxy or an iPhone there is a website history in the settings under advanced.

pocketsaviour · 29/03/2017 12:14

I would suggest you keep your powder dry for now, but Google "How to get household internet history from [your brand e.g. Sky] router"

If the router has already been set up to log history, you'll be able to see what he's been up to on the home wifi at least. If it's not set up for logging, you can enable it now and then check it in a few days.

You shouldn't need to plug most routers into your PC to check them, as long as you're connected you can just access the router via an IP address.

If you need the admin login for the router, call your ISP for help.

HerRoyalFattyness · 29/03/2017 12:17

I'd do what pocket suggested.
Have another ((((hug)))) while I'm here

BankWadger · 29/03/2017 12:23

A hug from me too Bastard

StarryIllusion · 29/03/2017 13:20

I have a couple of browsers on my phone too and if I've watched anything a bit naughty I do delete it. I mean can you imagine your parents finding it? Can I borrow your phone love, ooh what's this? Blush

He might be telling the truth. Check and see if the history looks staged. Check dates etc. I'm normally one for trusting gut instinct but there are a lot of things on a phone people might want to hide and not all of them are infidelity.

Original poster
BastardGoDarkly · 29/03/2017 13:38

Thanks pocket I've logged into admin on the router, and can't seem to find an internet history option.

saff it is galaxy s7, so I guess that's an option, can just see how that will go down though, he's really pissed off 😕

Cheers for the hugs folks, much needed, I'm feeling hung over tired and emotional.

OP posts:
sassandfaff · 29/03/2017 14:05

You don't need his phone to access his google/chrome account. You can do it from your phone. Especially at times you think he might be up to something. (Before he can delete) Google, Google sign in. Sign in using his Gmail address and password. Look under history and it's all there.

The advanced stuff on his phone, you would need his phone for.

user1490789733 · 29/03/2017 14:07

Finola1step,

What an immature approach to relationships you have. It's not surprising there is so much trouble in relationships if this attitude is rife.

I am a guy/husband and simply do not want my phone / internet account looked at by anyone else - it's demeaning. In a similar way, I would never ask to see my wife's accounts. I am sure she says some pretty choice things about me which I probably deserve. [I am a Feminist, and am aware of mens' incredible selfishness/poor behaviour] I'm not surprised she has a moan. Everyone needs a moan sometimes.

I reckon relationships are suffering from:

  1. The results of the so called permissive society where having sex with lots of people is standard. This trivialises relationships.
  2. The belief that the individual can do what he/she likes. Humans are best when they work for the benefit of a group, sacrificing their own desires. i.e selflessness.
  3. Associated with the above, a lack of emotional intelligence. It's this intelligence that should tell us that we are not the centre of the universe.
  4. An increase in Affluenza - the pursuit of material goods - leading to greed and a sense of never being satisfied.

Happy Easter.

Mummyneedssleepguys · 29/03/2017 14:15

My husband deletes his history, sometimes he forgets and he's been watching porn. I was the same as you, questioning why it needed to be deleted, he gave the excuse of 'if someone gets hold of his phone at work etc he wouldn't want them to see it' yet openly tells people (boys talk Blush) that he watches porn. I don't get it and I've been in your boat of questioning it but I just leave him with it. Mainly because I once used his dad's phone to show him how to do something and safari was loaded with 'big busty babes', if he'd just deleted his history it would have saved a lot of awkward blushes!

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