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Original poster

Should I forgive a boyfriend

69 replies

Zoila15 · 26/03/2017 23:20

Dear all,
Just need an advice from you as I am not sure what is the best thing to do. I've met a man online. We got on really well and we've been on 10-11 dates so far. He seems to have serious intentions about me and I really like him. He introduced me to his family and is asking to meet mine. Last night, he messaged me and said that he needed to make a confession. Basically , he lied about his profession. He told me that he was a doctor before we even met. He said that he thought that we were going to have a couple of dates and that would be it. He said that he didn't realise that it would turn into a relationship and that he tried to tell me a couple of times but was scared to tell me the truth. He is a nurse. His profession wouldn't matter so much to me, it's the lying that hurts the most. He is asking me to forgive him and give him a chance. Everything else he told me seems to be true. What do you think I should do? Give him another chance or leave him and move on? I do have some trust issues because of my previous relationship and want to make the right decision. Thank you in advance for your help and advice.

OP posts:
coconuttella · 27/03/2017 15:52

Shatners

If you've let it be known that you're looking for a long-term relationship and want to settle down and have children, and he strings you along for ten or so dates, and only then comes clean that he had no such intention then yes, that's shitty behaviour.... but if you haven't made your position and your expectations clear, I don't think there's a need for him to disclose stuff.

Ellisandra · 27/03/2017 16:04

I would be put off him not only for lying, but for judging me and other women.

I'd not be interested in a man who thought I would fall on his cock for having a 'status' job Hmm He doesn't think much of women, does he?

Sure, some shallow people would swipe one way for nurse, another fit doctor - but not the majority.

So I don't like his attitude to women.

DalaHorse · 27/03/2017 16:41

It's ok Kind, I've misread more posts myself than I care to remember! Blush

pinkdelight · 27/03/2017 17:15

Coconut it's not about disclosing his life story. It's about not lying. Can't you see the difference? Fine to date, no sex or no strings sex or whatever people want, but the weird thing is to lie about who you are. Unless you've signed up for role play, I'd think it's a basic level of human decency to not bullshit about who you are. No need to even give anything away if you don't want, but at least then she'd know - okay, I don't know much about him so I'll take it slow. With false info this isn't the case. He's misrepresenting who he is. Surely you can see that's not cool.

zippey · 27/03/2017 17:38

on one hand he gas lied. On the other he had told the truth. How do you feel about him.

If you like him sufficiently, I would give him a chance.

InTheMoodForLove · 27/03/2017 17:52

well... 11 dates and having met family etc is a bit of a stretch for me
there have been plenty of times he could have come clean

From my experience of OLD people do lie a lot and always about age, height and kilos (at the very least) but once you meet up everyone I have meet has "confessed". One guy stated 42 by the time we order out first drink he said he was actually 52, at the point I saw him as 62, but I am distressing

Another was bold, but charming, so there was a bit of head shaking and tut tut on my part and forgave instantly

So yes, I am not sure I would "forgive" ... I could see him a few more times but I will not want to progress and that could have a negative effect on him and unveil other sides to him, they way he would react and so on

Hope it makes sense

Original poster
Zoila15 · 27/03/2017 21:21

Thank you all for your advice. I really appreciate it.

OP posts:
Chinnygirl · 27/03/2017 21:32

I work in a hospital and a lot of people think that moste male nurses are gay. 1. I don't know if that's true and 2. It doesn't matter. But some people do feel perceived as less manly because of that. I'd let this fib slide provided that he is honest from now on.

TinyPawz · 27/03/2017 21:38

The two male nurses I know are most def not gay. On the contrary, the would ride a crack in a plate but that's irrelevant.

OP I don't think I could trust someone who lied about that for so long.

Nellyphants · 27/03/2017 21:48

My brother told me that that the woman he has been on 10 dates with told him exactly the same thing, coincidence. I don't think she's a nurse either (I know people who know her). He asked me what he should do. I was kept putting it back on him. What do you think you should do?

NeonGod73 · 27/03/2017 21:55

Gaylord Focker springs to mind....

zippey · 29/03/2017 08:12

Yes he was a nurse too. He lied about his name rather than his vocation though.

Footle · 29/03/2017 08:21

I'd check that he is a nurse. If he is,I'd give the relationship another chance. If he's a decent person, the discomfort of having lied should mean he won't do it again.
Perhaps I'm a hopeless optimist but it seems rather as if it snowballed and he wants it cleared up.

Only1scoop · 29/03/2017 08:48

Reminds me of that Coronation St line from years ago when Deidre Barlow met that pilot.
Who worked in the Sock shop at the airport.

MyheartbelongstoG · 29/03/2017 14:01

Wouldn't bother me at all op. I'd give him a chance.

MegFlyAway · 29/03/2017 14:20

Ugh I had a similar number of dates with a guy last year who did something similar. Also realised he was lying about everything! He'd say he was meeting a family member for dinner, or going somewhere with friends etc. when he wasn't. He was just sat at home. I broke it off with him as I just really hate lying for no reason.
He then went slightly crazy, declared his love for me and ended up signed off work!

Original poster
Zoila15 · 29/03/2017 17:05

He said that he feels really really stupid about making up this lie and wished he'd never done it. Everything else that he has told me seems to be true. He comes across as nice guy so, after thinking long and hard, I've decided to give him another chance. I've told him that if he lies me one more time, that will be it. Will give it a go and see what happens but my guard is high up again. Thanks again for taking time to share your thoughts and advice. I appreciate that!

OP posts:
debbs77 · 29/03/2017 19:47

I would forgive! He was clearly expecting to be judged for being a nurse, so upped it a bit! He told you, and I would go from here. X

Aquamarine1029 · 29/03/2017 20:36

He started this relationship on a lie, and a big one, and you think this will get better?? He's a liar. Get out now.

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