Abusive partner

[abbsrosee]

Hey guys! I'm not writing on here to get any replies telling me I'm stupid, I just want a bit of guidance and support due to feeling very alone.
I am only 18 years old, and am 13 weeks pregnant with my first, young I know and it wasn't planned but from the second I saw that scan I knew I would love and give this baby the world. My boyfriend, who I've been with over a year was happy at first, he is 20, I have all the support from family I could need! Myself and my boyfriend were saving for a flat deposit and now weve finally got there, he's decided h wants to put the money towards a brand new 20k Mercedes, and then think about moving out in 2 years, as he wants the car, and wants to do his own thing and get what makes him happy first. In my opinion he's being very selfish, which you can't do when you have a baby surely? Im so willing to give up everything for my little one already. So how the plan is to stay at my mums with the baby when it's here and hm. However when I showed him my dating scan two days ago, he wasn't happy Atall, and that night began saying how he can't stand the sight of me and chucked the scan pictures at me and told me to move out his dads house and take that 'shit with me' and said he don't want it. I've told him from the start I wouldn't push him into anything but t he was always sure he wanted this. Anyway this argument the. Escalated when he punched me in the face, leaving me with. A black eye, and pulled me by my hair into the bed, he then punched me in the face another 3 times before putting his hands around my neck and stopping me from breathing and screamed in my face he was going to kill me before eventually getting off and letting go. And then after apologised said how he didn't mean to and he does want this family and then got me some forozen pack for my head and asked me for a cuddle until infell asleep. He is like two different people ATM, and god knows I am so in love with him after him being the first thing to make me feel myself again after a sexual assault court case, and I don't want my baby to be brought up on a split family but what if one day he flips and it's not at me, it's at my little one? He seems to have shown such a nasty selfish side to him, but I don't want to just give up and walk away on someone I've put so much time into and someone who I want a family with and someone who claims to love me and I know fully well i love him. And someone who a lot of the time can be so amazing and so nice and funny and my best friend in the whole world. I just need a bit of support, or guidance as I'm feeling very alone, and I just want to be happy, so please, anything welcome.

He attacked you pregnant, that means he can attack you ANY TIME and your BABY, please do the right thing, it's not just you involved now.

You DO have the courage and I promise you, once you put safe distance between yourself, your child and this horror of a man, your feelings of love will change. And you'll look back and realise you had a very close shave. You might feel like you love and need him right now but your instincts are clearly telling you what you need to do. I can only mirror what others have said: you NEED to report him to the police. He is violent and dangerous. Women's Aid will be a great help to you. And gather as much family and friend support around you as you can. I wish you the very best, take care x

I am sure that what I am putting is similar to other posters. You have rl family support. Just go there and leave him. If you are willing to give anything up for your baby, you have to give him up. He will only get worse, I promise you that.
Good luck xxxx

You can do this! X

Darling you are so precious right now, you are making a new life inside of you. This animal strangled you whilst you are vulnerable.
You NEED to leave him.
You have the rest of your life to find somebody who will love and cherish you and your child the way you are meant to be loved and treated.
Please please please do not stay in this abusive relationship. It will only get worse. Leave now and keep yourself and your baby safe.
Good luck.

please report him to the police - get it on record what he did to you. This is vital if in years down the line he attempts contact with your child.

OP _ the strangulation is a HUGE red flag. It's not the cutting off of the breath, so much as the risk of a quickly-broken bone in the (very flimsy) neck. It is a quick, silent way to kill someone. Next time, it may be your last.

He's hit you before? So, in a relationship that has lasted about a year, he's hit you before, and now you are pregnant, you are more vulnerable and he is stepping up the abuse.

He is NOT a decent man, he will be a crap father and role model, and he will make your life, and your child's life, a misery. There is NOTHING to love in this person, he is selfish and violent.

Get rid now.

And yyy - get to the police. Get it down on record, even if you never use it or press charges You will thank your stars that you did, in the years to come, if ever he tries the same on your child.

In regards to his parents he hasn't spoken to his mum since he was 10 and his dad is a massive sexist pig, who's actually the one that's encouraged him with the Mercedes and from the start has told him that he can just leave me to do is on my own and encouraged him too as it's a bg mistake and I only done it to trap him, when far far from it, it happened while i was on the implant. So his dad is no help. So i don't see myself getting any money back, it breaks my heart because I really wanted my baby to be brought up in a loving family and the person I thought saved me if actually the one who's broke ,e even more. He's working until late tomorrow so while he's there I'm going to pack up my stuff and try and leave, I know the next couple weeks will seem unbearable and will be so hard but after all these comments saying the same I know I can't ignore it and that I'm fighting a lost caus regardless of emotions I feel towards him😞 just hurts a lot when you saw everything turning out so different thank you to all of you, I have taken pictures so if I do go to polic I can, I know allthoivh hard it'll be worth it, I hope, thank you so much to all

will you please tell your midwife what he has done to you - get yourself and baby checked. And please please tell the police - it will be worth it in the long run.

Tell the police now. It means they will come faster if you ever have a problem with him again.

What harm would it do to walk into a police station tomorrow and tell them?

You're making the right decision to leave that man. And don't put him on the birth certificate whatever you do. Wishing you all the best. Good luck for tomorrow.

Oh op l am so sorry for you.....as others have said he is dangerous ..never forget that...he will turn on your baby one day when he/she is crying and you would never forgive yourself if he hurt you baby.

Your only choice is to get away and cut all contact...believe all of us when we say you will love someone else again one day , someone who will love and cherish you and your child and protect both of you.
This is so wrong, he is so wrong.

It may be sad for a while but you have your whole life ahead of you and it will pass, but first you must be safe..

NEVER EVER TRUST HIM, or be alone with him and do not put his name on the Birth certificate, you have had a lucky escape do not put yourself or your baby at risk again.

Good luck op

You are carrying a baby and need to be in a safe place. You deserve happy and you will only find happy when you have done everything you can to make a safe and happy home.

I was pregnant at 17. I didn't want to leave either but you know what, I had a wonderful time bringing up my DD alone. She is brave and kind and won't take crap from anyone. I'm so proud of her and of me too for doing what was best for her. Of course we all dream of the ideal but your current situation is far, far from ideal.

The fact he has put his hands around your neck to strangle you is a HUGE RED FLAG. Strangulation is not abuse it is attempted murder. Attempted murder of you and of your baby.

You can leave, I know you can because you are here asking for advice and because you have said how much you already feel for baby. Have you got somewhere safe to go?

OP I really wanted my baby to be brought up in a loving family

THIS. Your baby will not be brought up in a loving family. Your baby will one day turn into a child, a teenager and young adult. And if you are not dead by then, because this man has just strangled you that bit too hard, or thrown you down the stairs so your head injuries are just that bit too severe, then they will grow up only knowing an abusive environment. Scared for life seeing their mother beaten daily. Seeing you become the shell of your former self, at the mercy of this monster. Don't leave your baby without a mother, murdered by this 'man'.

Is that the loving family you envisage for your baby?

OP I'm so sorry this has happened to you and I hope you're safe. Please, please leave this man. I know you love him and envisaged a family together but this will not get better. In fact, abuse in a relationship only escalates, especially during and after pregnancy. The way he attacked you earlier shows that he could easily kill you. He could kill your unborn child. There's nothing you can do to help him to change or be better because he genuinely enjoys hurting you. Please get out and look after yourself and your baby

OMG - his father sounds horrible. No wonder his mother left - just a shame she left her son to be influenced by his dreadful father. The apple obviously doesn't fall very far from the tree now.

I am so glad you have decided to leave OP - imagine your baby having a revolting person like that as a grandfather? Don't put the baby's father on the birth certificate - let him make all the efforts to have contact (I can almost guarantee he won't bother).

Believe me, a house with a single parent where there is love and kindness is a far better home - even though it is a "split family" - than a life where your little one would be exposed to a violent arsehole of a father and a revolting misogynistic grandfather.

Make sure you claim maintenance - and if he ever claims to be broke, ask what happened to your share of the joint savings. You will probably never get it back, but the question deserves to be asked.

Perhaps you could access some counselling too as you must be suffering after being sexually assaulted and now being physically assaulted. I agree with PP that you should mention this to your midwife too - and contact Women's Aid. I think you are right too to leave when he is out - try to seem as normal as possible until then. Please come back and let us know you are safe though. God bless you and your little one.

Pleae go to the police - even if 'just' to get it recorded. IF you need it in future (he doesn't leave you alone, gets threatening, won't give you your money) at least you have the option to then bring charges.

Get checked out medically - tell the midwife at least.

Don't put him on the Birth certificate - you will be handing him power over your child, and it's very difficult to get that back, or even on an even footing, in cases of abuse.

Get child maintenance from him, definitely

Please don't listen to any claims of 'ruining his life' - he had the prospect of a lovely life with you and LO and HE ruined it.

And please don't leave yourself so vulnerable financially next time. Next time make sure that any savings are in your own account, and if you move in with someone, make sure it is legal, and you are named on the title.

Abbs - please, don't 'try to' leave. Leave!!

Also, it's really important that you go to the police NOW. For the pictures of your injuries to be admissible as evidence, the police have to take them. Your evidence trail has to be solid enough that a lawyer couldn't pick it apart. You can't rock up in three months' time, show them your pics and say, he did this to me three months ago. You don't have to press charges if you can't face it, you just need to get something on official record IN CASE you need it in the future. Think of it as a bit of insurance for your baby's safety.

Hope you are OK OP, what's happening? Xxx

Don't bother to pack. Go now. Things can be got later by someone else.
Go straight to the police and report him. Then go to your parents and stay there. Don't believe any apologies he has shown his true colours.

If you stay with him you risk losing your child.

If one of those punches aimed at your head he had aimed at your stomach he could have killed your unborn baby.

He might still do that if you hang around.

Clothes and money can be replaced you and your baby cannot.

Tonight I packed my stuff and I left,his dad was in and was nothing but horrible saying I pushed him into this and I've ruined his life and he's not ready, and my mum stormed in with a few choice words for him which I happily added to saying I refuse to have such a misogynistic prick being an influence on my child, I messaged my partner and explained to him I had left me and my many reasons including being his dad, and have left it at that. I haven't gone to police, more because I can't drag mys,f to do it being so blindly in love, but my parents now know.and am now back at my mums house feeling completely and utterly broken and hurting in a way I didn't think was possible, and I just hope to god this feeling fades, but for now I'm going to focus on gettiing through this first night and this weekend before the rest of it all. Thankyou everyone for your help and advice.

you are going to loose this baby if you do not go to hospital, and the police and back to your parents, fuck the saving that can be dealt later if ever, i am sure you will not see a penny anyway.

ah ok, crossed post with you. Glad to hear you are safe now but do go to a&e for a check and report it to the nurse, they may even call the police
You must do that. You have two very angry unhinged men to deal with and you need records and serious help and safety in place.

Well done Abbs!! Love that you gave his Dad an earful too!

It really is going to get better, you will hurt, feel a bit flat once the adrenalin passes, you will likely reconsider what you have done but each time just look down at your tummy and know that you are being the very best Mum you can be and protecting the life of you and your little one.

Just take it all one step at a time and allow yourself to feel safe and loved under your Mums roof.

The little baby I had when I was your age is now a grown woman and has been texting me all night so excited about a wonderful opportunity that just came her way. You will be me one day. Proud of you!