I'm a first time poster, so please be gentle. Sorry for a longish post. I know others are/have been going through this same issue and many of you have heard all this before but a month ago my DH told me that he hasn't been happy for ages and that he thinks we're over. We're still living in the same house and we've done a lot of talking in the last month but I really don't think it is doing us any good.
The situation is complicated by the fact he's been very sick for a few months, although after lots of tests that have all come back negative it looks as though all of his physical symptoms have been caused by stress. The stress has been caused by several factors (eg, work) but also (mainly perhaps) by keeping quiet about how he really feels about us. His mental health took a nosedive once he came clean to me. A full breakdown. He's been suicidal several times too.
I've gone from thinking he could be seriously ill, to him wanting to leave me, and to him wanting to die.
He says our relationship has been bad for ages. Looking back I can understand what he's saying, although I would have said there have been bad situations and normal life pressures that have got in our way and that I thought that our connection and our love for each other were still really good. He seems to blame me for not noticing how unhappy he was but I can't believe he could see issues between us and not talk to me about them. Anyway, now we're stuck because he won't address any of our relationship issues until he has improved his own mental health. This seems reasonable except in the meantime I have to put up and shut up while the executioner stands behind me all the time. I feel totally trapped because he says there isn't a single thing I can do to put things right at the moment so the only options I have are to either keep swallowing my words and trying to smile and hope he gets better and that we can sort it out or I ask him to leave while he is mentally ill and suicidal.
During our discussions about what has gone wrong some really, really painful things have come to the surface but they can't be dealt with due to his state and I feel like I'm slowly dying inside.
We don't have any DC (this is one of our issues but at least there are no little ones going through this with us right now).
He swears there is no OW but by having read other threads I think lots of you will say there's always an OW...I am pretty sure there isn't anyone at the moment and there has been so much brutal honesty between us I think it would have come out by now. That said, he does spend most evenings chatting on FB and being quite defensive about it, so I guess something's a bit fishy.
I feel like I have already gone through the five stages of grief and that I've reached 'acceptance'. Somehow this thought seems to give me comfort but I know I'm still trapped in a pretty hopeless and toxic situation.
Any advice?