what my therapist said...

[lilolenny]

Currently seeing a therapist who offers CBT style counselling. I have been going through a lot lately, both in career and family. I listed things that were bothering me and gave them to my therapist, many of which included needing more help with the running of the house and all of the thoughts I have about this.
My therapist said that I was making mountains out of mole hills, "do they really matter in the grand scheme of things?" This was a few weeks ago. It has really played on my mind since. These things are v important to me and bother me hugely. It shocks me that women can work so hard these days and men still deem domestic duties as a purely feminine role. My therapist told me that this is the same in most households and not to get too tied up about it.
What are everyone else's thoughts?

And how about telling us if you share his views and share the workload on the importance of things he cares about?

In a way, OP, the way you are feeling unsure about not bringing this issue up with your counsellor may reflect how you are unable to assert your opinion at home about your husband's lack of involvement in domestic duties. This probably means it's a advisable that you raise it with your counsellor and challenge her because it may be a way to practise being assertive in a counselling setting so that you can transfer this to your home situation. Your counsellor's viewpoint is only THEIR viewpoint and it's about how YOU see things that matters and how much you feel heard by others. It doesn't sound like the counsellor has HEARD you properly and it's a good opportunity to work through this and make your voice heard. Good luck OP.

Hi Op. It sounds as if the issue you're experiencing with your therapist reflects your home situation. You feel you can't assert your voice about your domestic frustrations at home and equally you feel hesitant to express your opinion about your therapist's comment to her. This could be an opportunity for you to assert your voice in a supportive setting to enable you to transfer this skill to your home environment and tackle your husband about his lack of domestic involvement. Your therapist's comment is hers alone and she needs to HEAR you. This issue seems to be about you being HEARD properly about those in your life. Make it happen OP - your voice matters!

Sorry for double post!

Thing about CBT is that some therapists think they can do a weekend course in CBT and then offer CBT. CBT done properly is of huge benefit to people. It sounds very bad form for a therapist to be so dismissive of something someone has brought into them. Sounds like the therapist was giving their own opinion which is exactly what they shouldn't do.
A better question to ask you about the list you brought in would have been 'What's important to you about the things on this list?'. That might have led to a discussion about what is important to you in your life that you feel others are not 'getting'. And how better to communicate this to others. It's not about hanging towels properly it's about why the towels being straight is important to you, and kind of, in what way are you measuring 'success' generally. And what's a reasonable and fair expectation of others who share the house with you.

I would also be questioning your assumption that 'older women' don't understand about the importance of wife work . Older women have had to fight through this.