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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Go fuck yourself

42 replies

DottyRotty · 19/03/2017 22:29

This is what my husband just said to my 11 year old dd whilst loading his middle finger up.
Apparently she was being disrespectful.
I am so shocked and hurt.
But I am over reacting

OP posts:
Original poster
DottyRotty · 19/03/2017 22:30

Holding

OP posts:
colouringinagain · 19/03/2017 22:30

No. You are not.

sooperdooper · 19/03/2017 22:32

Jesus Christ no, not over reacting at all, has he spoken to her like that before? Is she his biological dd?

Original poster
DottyRotty · 19/03/2017 22:32

He says I am. What do I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
DottyRotty · 19/03/2017 22:32

I hate him

OP posts:
TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 19/03/2017 22:32

A bit more context might help. But initial reaction is yanbu. Thus is her step dad?

flapjackfairy · 19/03/2017 22:32

No not overeacting at all!
That is appalling from your partner. I could not live with someone who was capable of saying that to dd.
I would wonder what else he is capable of .
Hug for you and your girl xxx

Original poster
DottyRotty · 19/03/2017 22:33

He apologised to her and apparently that is enough

OP posts:
Foxysoxy01 · 19/03/2017 22:33

Wow...ok that is really not appropriate!

Yadnbu.

BillyDaveysDaughter · 19/03/2017 22:34

To an 11 year old? Charming.

ImperialBlether · 19/03/2017 22:35

Is she his child?

He's disgusting talking to a child like that, no matter who she is in relation to him, though.

bigbumbrunette · 19/03/2017 22:36

If my husband did this to my daughter it'd be game over. If my husband did this to a strangers 11 yr old, it's be game over.

Original poster
DottyRotty · 19/03/2017 22:37

She is his daughter.
I am in shock.
He is horrible to me but never to children.
I am making a big thing of it apparently.
I want to leave but dd birthday this week so I am in the wrong for making a if thing about it.
What should I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
DottyRotty · 19/03/2017 22:41

Please help

OP posts:
FancyPantsDelacroixTheFirst · 19/03/2017 22:42

This would have to be an exceptionally crappy, never has anything anywhere near as serious happened before, blip, (followed by a genuine, no shifting of blame, apology) to be forgivable.

If Dd was disrespectful that needs to be dealt with proportionately, but she also needs to know that he was bang out of order and you are calling him on it.

PacificDogwod · 19/03/2017 22:44

He is horrible to me but never to children

Well, now he is.

You could get your DD out of that situation as a birthday present.

So sorry you are having to deal with an abusive husband and father Thanks

FancyPantsDelacroixTheFirst · 19/03/2017 22:44

Your dd needs to know her mum deserves respect. Much better than a birthday walking on eggshells round an arsehole.

twattymctwatterson · 19/03/2017 22:45

Do you want this to be your life op? You say he's horrible to you, can you elaborate on that? If he's abusive it sounds like he's now starting on your DD.

FancyPantsDelacroixTheFirst · 19/03/2017 22:47

And he deserves disrespect. I withdraw what I said about her disrespect needing to be dealt with, assuming she was actually disrespectful in the first place.

Hissy · 19/03/2017 22:48

He is horrible to you...

He is NOW horrible to your d

Now is the time to get out

NOW!

Original poster
DottyRotty · 19/03/2017 22:53

Don't know what to do.
He has no respect forme but has been a good dad.
Son doing GCSEs I will be the one to blame
Won't be able to stay in this house sham
Have no money
Sobbing

OP posts:
marmitecrumpets · 19/03/2017 22:55

Don't let your H be the model to your daughter of what a husband/father should be like

PacificDogwod · 19/03/2017 22:56

Do you have anywhere safe you can go for a while?
Regroup?

reuset · 19/03/2017 23:02

That's not on, OP! That's a terrible thing to say.

I thought the comment was aimed at you initially, but my response would have been similar,

Foxysoxy01 · 19/03/2017 23:03

You need to either find somewhere you can go or ask your partner to leave and get some headspace.

You really need to be kind to yourself, take a couple of days just clearing your head and feeling stronger. Then you need to really ask yourself some tough questions.

I know it's no use saying don't be upset but do try and be kind to yourself.

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