YANBU.
This is actually what yo need to know. So, I'll just copy paste a previous comment from Italian:
You deserve to be happy
This is the kind of thing I say to anyone on Mumsent who says this type of thing
You get one life and you decide how it is going to go. You are not his property and you don’t have to stay with him. If he treats you badly, even if he appears to be nice to the kids most of the time, he is not a good influence on them.
Is he violent, are you in danger? Is he violent to the children?
Does he use coercive control over you, emotionally, physically, sexually, financially?
Please speak to Women’s Aid when it is safe to do so.
Freephone 24 hr National Domestic Violence Helpline Run in partnership between Women’s Aid & Refuge.
COVER your tracks, do not leave links on websites, devices, etc or notes about or anything on online history that he can find and use against you.
When you speak to women’s aid decide what is best to do, how to leave, where to go.
the solicitors sort out afterwards who gets what. If there is a home, how it will be slit etc.
I know one woman who stayed with her controlling ex for years living separate lives under the same roof, she was waiting for him to go, But he made it clear, she could leave but the children stayed and he was not going. After years of this she finally packed up all her stuff and her kids stuff and moved out. She is now divorced and in a new relationship with a man who she loves.
Please do not waste any more time than you need to with this man.
party aspect is something you can talk to women’s aid about. Whether to go now or whatever. The party can be moved to a new location or whatever or postponed if you are in danger.
But please get professional advice how to do this because when you leave you are in danger and you need to do it safely.
Who can help you, family, friends? Your son’s schooling may be affected slightly short term but if you are in danger then long term he is also at risk.