Why do men have this idea about women...?

[Barnum]

I signed on to a dating website and a man who lived near contacted me. He seemed to be open, honest and I liked the sound of him. I explained I wanted to take things slowly (ie wasn't just looking for sex ) and he agreed that was fine. Anyway, after chatting for almost a weeek, today I went to meet him - he seemed ok - we ended up at his house. He was so full on from the outset it was unbelievable. I reminded him about going slowly. I don't feel he's done anything wrong as such because I was a willing participant, I didn't feel threatened and consented all the way along. I think he would probably have stopped if I'd asked him to tbh. But I am cross with myself because it moved faster than I wanted to and we ended up in bed together. He seemed to think that was ok and once the deed was done announced he had to go walk his dog!! He didn't want conversation, offer me a drink, nothing. I am mad and embarrassed with myself for being so stupid as to think he might have wanted a 'normal' relationship rather than just sex. Needless to say I will not be using this way of meeting men again. Perhaps I am just being naive in believing that people on dating sites do want a normal relationship and aren't there just looking for sex? How do you find a decent partner?? Will I ever manage to find a nice, kind and loving man who wants a relationship?

"I just wish there were more men around who wanted to go about things the old fashioned way - by talking and getting to know each other slowly etc."

But if you want that, why are you jumping into bed with someone on the first date? My first date with DP (met OLD) was a picnic in the park! The second was a meal out and a drink, the third live music in a bar. I didn't go to his house until I'd known him a month or so and didn't sleep together until about three months, precisely because I didn't want a quick shag.

You're saying you want one thing, but your actions are showing you want another

I'm not saying that he assaulted her, just that his actions were selfish and exploitative.

They had agreed beforehand about going slowly and building a relationship.
He then 'came on strong'.
She reminded him about going slowly.
He carried on and against her better judgement they continued.
Did he then work on building a relationship?
No, no post coital cup of tea or chat, he went out to walk his dog.
He would have stopped if she'd asked.
But he put all the responsibility on her stopping him.

That is deceitful. It puts her in the position of being the kill joy. Women are trained up to politely give in to situations like this, then feel they have consented. Makes me mad.

Think of the 'cup of tea' analogy. They both agree they won't be drinking tea. We'll have tea another time, in the future. It will be something to look forward to. She goes to his house and he immediately starts making the tea. She reminds him they agreed 'no tea'. He carries on saying how nice tea is, bringing her the cup of tea. Puts it in front of her, 'I made it just for you!'.
She politely drinks it.

Building a relationship?! On date 1?!

No.

The OP went back to the guy's house on day 1. His intimate personal space. Thats not building a relationship,that's skipping quite a few steps on both sides! Its bullshit to remove all responsibility from the woman in this. Cup of tea analogy doesn't apply - she consented at every step. The guy isn't a fucking mindreader. they both consented to sex on the first date regardless of what had been said before. She obviously regrets it because he was distant afterwards. He may have been distant because he regretted it even quicker, who knows. But nobody is in the wrong here.

And she could have walked away! She could have refused to go back to his house - she didn't have to go along, or have sex with him.

Pinning it as the man's fault is unfair. Lots of people have sex on the first date, even after saying they want to take it slow, because you never know how you'll feel until you're there. He probably thought OP had changed her mind, as she never did anything to show otherwise.

She's a grown up who chose to have sex on the first date. She should have ended the date before it got to that point if she wasn't happy.

And she could have walked away! She could have refused to go back to his house - she didn't have to go along, or have sex with him.

So you mean women who go to men's houses with them thereby imply that they want to have sex?
Which century do you live in?

He probably thought OP had changed her mind, as she never did anything to show otherwise.

Why should she have to show otherwise? She said otherwise repeatedly, which he disrespected.
She did nothing to show she had changed her mind. Which, really, is what any decent man would have waited for.

Cup of tea analogy does not apply as used by picklemepopcorn, because I highly doubt that he walked to his bedroom, took his clothes off and passively waited for her to come and have sex with him.

Meaningful rl can be made from this type of situation op but usually only in the sparks are flying from the off kind of first date or ons.

I've made similar choices, ones I've regretted and others I remember fondly and the difference is how I was treated during or after but I take full responsibility for that as all of it was my choice to tale part.

I did and do take these experiences as a lesson which isn't always a bad thing.

If you want to do things the traditional way and build some relationship before sex then you need to stick to your boundaries unless you fancy sex at the time you need to able to understand that most if the time it is meaningless.

OD is a good way to meet people so I wouldn't stop using it but as others have said maybe think more about HOW you want to use it - it wouldn't be advisable to visit a strangers house that you have just met in real life so meet in a public place and don't do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable - be more mindful of your boundaries. Good luck 🍀

Your thread title 'why do men have this idea about women?'
Really??!!