Need a complete life/habit overhaul and don't know where to start

[Steala]

Has anyone turned their life/habits around? I'm very fortunate to have all the big things in place:happily married, healthy family, no money worries, lovely home, and yet I'm descending into chaos.

I have three children and full time work and my life is a series of remimders of forms I should have returned to the school, birthday cards posted on the day itself, clutter (oh the clutter), emails telling me how late I am for a smear test, dentist appointment, eye test, falling further and further behind in my work, clashing appointments and overflowing laundry. I feel totally overwhelmed. For every task I do, two or three more accumulate. For every item I devlutter, Four or five more things appear. How do I reverse this spiral of chaos?

Added to that, my diet is appalling (feed my children healthily though), I barely ever exercise and I'm now nearly a stone overweight. I look so slovenly: done nothing to hair, eyebrows for nearly a year and can only fit into one pair of jeans, which I wash overnight.

I don't know where to start or I do start but never finish because there are so so so many other starts going on. DH does his share and he is on top of what he does. This is about my terrible habits, rather than lack of support.

Any tips?

Following with interest! I am perpetually in need of life hacks and this thread is very helpful.

Some small things that help me:

• I have a box of cards that lives with the wrapping paper, and a box of kids presents that lives in the wardrobe. It means when DD gets invited to a party I don't have to panic
• I make a calendar entry each week for supermarket shopping in our joint online calendar then both DH and I add to it as we think of things we need
• DH and I split the "thinking required" tasks as well as the "doing" tasks - he is wholly responsible for DD1's nursery liaison and activities, I look after all clothing and shoe provisioning etc. We find if one person takes the whole area end to end there is less confusion

Some great ideas on this thread. My life is decidedly messy at the moment and I'm going to attempt some of them, so thank you to everyone for your suggestions.

I've started following two "rules"'recently to deal with clutter

1. Don't put things down, put them away. I was forever putting stuff (hairbrushes, kitchen stuff, coats) down at the most convenient place, which was actually the most inconvenient place) = clutter. Now I try and put things where they belong
2. I have a "5 things" rule. So I just do 5 small things when I have a spare minute, either putting 5 things in their rightful place or throwing 5 things away

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but in my opinion you can't. I have 3 ds and until recently worked full time. I now have one day at home and can just about stay on top of things. Looking after a household with 3 kids is basically another part (if not full) time job.

My thoughts:

• I always carry a paper diary. Week to view.
• During downtime in between Christmas and new year I transfer all birthdays etc, over to the new diary. I add things as they happen (e.g. If someone died that year, update age - e.g., Tara, 6 this year
• I buy all my cards then at the start of the year, generic birthdays, numbers e.g. No 6 for Tara, thinking of you etc and spares of some birthday boy and girl, thank You's. from supermarket. Special 40ths etc, Mother's Day I make at the start of the year and have sent to me from moonpig
• I have a box think I got it from Phoenix cards, 12 dividers plus extras for xmas, and for spares. Specific cards are slotted into the correct month ready to all be written on the first weekend of each month and far away people posted.
• in the third week of January I buy as much as possible for the following xmas, and all birthdays through the year. Some in the shop but mostly online. As it arrives it is all wrapped and gift tagged, I have a bag with all my wrapping stuff in. I buy plain brown parcel paper and fancy wired ribbon from Costco looks nice. There's lots of spares for random birthdays and parties for the year - I keep gift bags and tissue paper for these so don't have to wrap in a rush.

Here's a list of some examples for this year...

TK Max - Moschino umbrellas reduced to £12 each... 5 for step mum, sister in law, god mother and some spares for female presents

Notonthehighstreet sale... personalised bangles with silver name initials reduced to £10 - one for each niece birthday

5 hello kitty wash sets - boots 70% off - generic girls parties during the year

5 remote control wall climbing cars - amazon sale and 5 footballs sports direct - all reduced in sale for general boys parties

There's loads more but you get the drift... it all lives in a cupboard in utility

Have lots more tips I'm v organised having. Been depressed and chaotic x

Another update, with thanks to all who have helped. I have had my smear test so fingers crossed my disorganisation has not had terrible consequences.

I am liking Google calendar - that has made a big difference. I'm not really getting on with Todoist. Despite trying to change the settings, it keeps sending me daily emails berating me for unfinished tasks, which has added to my stress levels.

Something that has made a huge difference is doing things straight away so they don't even go on a list (not even mental). I am making a note of everything that seems to be in the way of doing things straight away -can't find a pen/stamp, printer out of ink, laptop upstairs and not turned on, can't do it from work etc and I'm trying to find ways to work around these. I also have all cards for April.

I'm taking a few days off over he holidays. Obviously I want to spend lots of time with the children but when they're happily occupied, I want to have a clear out and clear some of the backlog of outstanding tasks.

Many thanks again and I hope those of you following are finding this advice equally helpful.

Have a great Easter!

I had a big garden clear out yesterday while the DC clambered around the garden and jet washed things (DS2 has loved washing things since he was tiny and I leverage this massively).

DH took loads of crap to the tip after I realised he was procrastinating it due to his arachnophobia. I de-spidered, he was very happy and did 3 tip runs.

It is all looking very nice. It makes me feel calm.

Good luck!

Sounds like you're making great progress.

My top tip is don't work full time! Go 4d/w or 9 in 10 if you can afford it. Remember you lose the income at your top tax rate, so it's better than you might think. Then use that day to do fun "you" things and family "sorting" things - for me it's yoga and washing / decluttering. Just about clinging on as a result!

Great news, RunRabbit. Decluttering is calming.

michaela, I think you are right. I am disorganised and procrastination is a major problem for me but with full time work and three children, I can't seem to make the time to make medical appointments/hairdressers etc for me because there just isn't any time when I am on my own. I do need to address this. But then I read of people who juggle full time work with family and then add in studying or a hobby and have an immaculate house and I wonder how on earth they do it. Some of them are single parents too, which is awe-inspiring. Realistically if I accept that is just not me and accept my limitations and find ways to cut down, that will help the feeling of overwhelm.

I really try to keep a do it now attitude so I don't put letters and emails to the side for later

Reading with interest.

Can someone tell me what a bullet list is and how to do it. I see various things on Amazon and don't know what to get.

For school events- has your class/ year group got aFB group? One of the parents usually uploads any letters to the group as soon as they're emailed round, and then we try and bump it up the list once the event is closer. Helps me in knowing there's a central info source rather than it all being in your phone/ in your head.
But it sounds like you're doing brilliantly with the changes you've made already!

mercy search bulletjournal. Com. It's basically a way of using a notebook (any notebook, don't need to buy a special one) to organise tasks that need to be done each day/later that month/year. It's good butt I don't like carrying a bag so often find I don't have it with me so end up with post-it's, which is precisely what it is meant to prevent.

I'd love a FB group for school. We don't have one and realistically if I try to instigate it, I won't keep it up but I may mention it ever so casually to the class rep to see whether she would find it interesting.

OP I have no idea.

I think life would be chaotic for me too if I worked full time and had 3 kids.

Working part time means much less stress all round.

Interesting thread. I didn't realise it was a few weeks old to start so great to see updates and see what is working for you.

Personally I think the phone calendar and having a shared calendar works really well. I try to put things in immediately whenever I can. The kids still moan that they don't know what is going on but I tell them they should check it and me putting it in the calendar is me telling them. (Teens so are perfectly capable of checking it even if they rarely do). I ask them to put anything they want to do in it too and to check it before making arrangements.

I also flag any emails that I need to action but can't do immediately. I have set my phone so that it shows flagged emails separately so I can always quickly see what I have to action when I get a chance. Makes me feel a bit more in control.

I shall continue watching with interest.

Bullet journal saved me. I have one book which lasts about 6 months. Front contains:-
a future log where I write down appts as they come in so opticians in June, dentist in sept etc
A list by month of all bdays
Then a month calendar page, followed by each day in the month getting a half page in the book. It ALL goes in there - work deadlines, bdays, jobs to do, apts etc.
Back of the book contains meal plans, shopping lists etc.

You have to be meticulous at setting it up but it becomes habit quite quickly and really helps me keep track of all the stuff that has to be juggled.

Oh and check it every day. Perhaps at bedtime if that works for you.

Sorry I've not had a chance to read everything on the thread yet but my tips are to lower your standards. Photograph any school notes, party invitations, have a stack of stamps, post birthday cards too soon rather than too late (get it out of the way) throw crap out (until you clear your head bin ten things every day- even just receipts from your purse) compromise on what you feed your kids for a couple of nights a week to score time for jobs that will buy you headspace. I'll think of more I'm sure. Am a lone parent with three aged four and under, I get chaos. I hope you feel better.

Steala there's bound be someone in your class who'll run it, if that's their thing it doesn't take long. Personally I never know how to upload letters to Facebook but luckily others do!

Great thread!

I'll be watching this one with interest as I registered here for much the same reason.

Every aspect of my life needs a reboot. Just tired of treading water.

That's it, isn't it?! Treading water, trying to keep afloat with every new wave, rather than taking charge and swimming to somewhere we'd rather be.

I put this in 30 days only as I was so embarrassed but as so many are following and so many people have shared useful tips, would it be worth moving somewhere where it won't disappear?

Steala No need to be embarrassed. Life overwhelms us all at times. It certainly has me. Having a chronic illness floored me for a while. I've lost so much confidence, but I'm ready to take hold of the reins again.

I am posting threads about all sorts of stuff I haven't got around to/am in the dark about. It's time for me to get moving again.

I think you've started a brilliantly supportive thread here. I would like it to stay around, yes please

affectionincoldclimate

I've seen that Landmark forum and was definitely interested. It would be some distance for me to attend. Wish I'd done it when I lived in London, but I still could if I wanted it badly enough I suppose.

OP, I use an Organised mum life diary. I got it on amazon.
The week is on two pages. For each day, you have a little space for menu planning at the bottom.
There is a detachable strip on the left for shopping list. The detachable strip on the right has space for important stuff and to do.
There is also a space for important stuff for the next week.
Then you have budget planners fot each month, an address book in which I wrote all the utilities/insurance etc details.
It really helped me.

Hullo chaps,

We're going to move this thread to relationships at the request of the OP.

Ah I need these ideas. Reading with interest.