Need a complete life/habit overhaul and don't know where to start

[Steala]

Has anyone turned their life/habits around? I'm very fortunate to have all the big things in place:happily married, healthy family, no money worries, lovely home, and yet I'm descending into chaos.

I have three children and full time work and my life is a series of remimders of forms I should have returned to the school, birthday cards posted on the day itself, clutter (oh the clutter), emails telling me how late I am for a smear test, dentist appointment, eye test, falling further and further behind in my work, clashing appointments and overflowing laundry. I feel totally overwhelmed. For every task I do, two or three more accumulate. For every item I devlutter, Four or five more things appear. How do I reverse this spiral of chaos?

Added to that, my diet is appalling (feed my children healthily though), I barely ever exercise and I'm now nearly a stone overweight. I look so slovenly: done nothing to hair, eyebrows for nearly a year and can only fit into one pair of jeans, which I wash overnight.

I don't know where to start or I do start but never finish because there are so so so many other starts going on. DH does his share and he is on top of what he does. This is about my terrible habits, rather than lack of support.

Any tips?

Batch cooking - one big chilli and freeze. Then one night a week for the next three weeks cooking can literally be reheat chilli and put some potatoes in the oven giving you 40 mins to check fill in diary, write cards / book appointments. Don't underestimate how much planning you can get sorted in this time and much better you'll feel. How old are the kids?

Google calendar, shared with DH. Changed our lives.

Read school emails at lunch put in calendar immediately. Easy. Copy the body of the message into the notes section if there are extra things to remember.

Over the course of a couple of years DH has put all the annual reminders in too for stuff like MOT, home insurance renewal, even monthly reading the gas meter.

We use the reminder function heavily. For example, fucking world book day, had a reminder pop up 2 weeks before, 3 days before, the night before and on the morning of it.

We put in loads of recurring reminders for 7am for stuff like "rugby kit" "swimming cancelled today" "phone garage" "wear an orange item to school"

We invite our home calendar to our work events and vice versa when something unusual affects our flexibility. For example tomorrow I will be late to work because I'm taking DS to a hospital appointment. When we got the appointment 3 months ago, DH put it in the Google calendar (in the notes he put DS's NHS number, contact phone numbers for the hospital and bullet point reminders of what was said at the previous appointment). I then invited work me to the appointment which meant i didn't accidentally double book myself or have to remember to block out my work calendar. When one moves the other gets updated.

When things are especially busy I do a meal plan on the train and put the dinners in the calendar. DH is shit at meal planning but good at cooking (and tidying up after). Tuesday 6pm "left over chicken casserole with bread" Monday 7am "put jacket potatoes in oven on timer"

My phone is with me all the time so i can get this shit out of my head immediately. DH too. He was terrible for arranging social events and forgetting to mention it. Not any more. Now he too puts it in the calendar immediately.

Changed. Our. Lives.

I really second the joint google calendar, even our teens check it now and add parties, sports events etc it's easy then to add a TripIt calendar too it, that keeps all travel arrangements suck as train and flight bookings together . Birthday recurring reminders also are a boon on it, set it to remind you if birthdays 3 days before.
Ocado shopping and amazon is your friend, too

Steala. Try headspace for starters. It's an app with 10 min sessions.

If meditation has taught me anything, it's this: the world never complains that it is too busy, but our minds run overtime and make us think we are. That's when we feel like we're in chaos, and so overwhelmed.

HLBug, you're absolutely right. If I drop some balls, they may bounce but this one is made of fragile glass and should be protected at all costs. I'll ring in the morning.

Thank you all. I now have google calendar. wunderlist and Headspace and have spent the day decluttering. Hopefully things will look up soon!

Sorry if I was a bit 'preachy' OP, but glad to hear it worked and you'll be calling in the morning.

Hope things seem a bit clearer / brighter for you soon! Lots of good advice on here.

HLBug, I have booked an appointment. Thank you for giving me the shake I needed.

Google Calendar is wonderful. The only downside is that since it's on my phone, I can't see it when I use my phone to book appointments. It will help with nearly everything else though.

Thank you all!

My tip is take a photo of everything on your phone e.g. Letters/emails from school, party invites as well as adding stuff to online diary.

I got this tip from MN after setting off to a party and realising the invite was on the fridge...

If you have an iPhone, I just "favourite" the photos so they are all in the same place, but any separate folder would do. It's great, for example if the Dc have a hospital appointment arrive, I get my phone out, put it in my diary and take a photo so on the day I can see which ward/clinic to go to. My DC are older so also add school stuff, it's shared with DH too.

Then if you're brave, you can shred the letter or leave it on the fridge for a year like me

I also realised I could deal with multiple staff holidays/days off at work so there was no reason I couldn't do the same at home, and bought a big magnetic year planner for the fridge and used this to put school holidays (dc at 3 different schools!) in so I knew when I had to book time off etc. I might have even used different colour coded stickers for the DC it was very satisfying

Put your phone on speaker and enter the appointment at the same time if you're booking them over the phone.

That last post sounded very bossy sorry

I use the Notes function on my phone to keep a To Do List. It's less sophisticated than something a bullet journal but it's much simpler and it's with me at all times. I asterisk urgent tasks (two asterisks for super urgent!). I can also send the list to DH as an email very easily. Wunderlist may be better, haven't tried it.

I have separate Notes where I keep other lists - eg ideas for places to take the DC, medical info for DD1, birthday present ideas. That way those random thoughts that you have when out and about don't get lost.

And a Google shared calendar yes, yes, yes.

You can actually access your calendar (or anything else on your phone) in the middle of a call - it takes some practice though so that you don't cut the call off by accident! There's probably a "how to" guide online somewhere.

Oh and yes to taking photos of letters/lists. I need to get better at doing this.

cornflake thank you for the book suggestion- Better than Before, I just ordered it.

Photos of letters!! What a brillliant idea - thank you!

Just a quick update for everyone who has helped me. Goggle calendar seems great. Because it's on my phone and I always have my phone with me, I'm putting things on it and checking it. DH is too.

I have started decluttering. Sorting out drawers and drawers of paperwork is helping me feel less overwhelmed but it's not a quick job. Another thing that has helped is just making a decision and stop dithering. I always fret that it is not quite the right time to do something or I need to give it some more thought. The result is lots of started projects and never seeing anything through to completion and that is so draining.

I've also recognised that I am exhausted. I feel like I'm sleepwalking through the days, lurching from crisis to crisis. Realising that this is not normal has made me work out how I can feel better. I'm not sleeping well because I am so stressed and I have tried meditation but at the moment, it makes me twitchy and stressed. I probably need more exercise...

Thank you to all who helped.

Fantastic!

Not read all the replies but it sounds to me like (if you can) you need to throw money at the problem. Book a few days off and ruthlessly declutter/organise/clean. Go get a haircut and facial or whatever is needed and get some more clothes that fit.

From there, take 15 minutes a day to do something like yoga or HIIT and if your children eat healthily can you eat the same basic meals as a start before addressing the comfort eating/sugar rush/coffee reliance or whatever is the worst.

Can you get a cleaner or outsource ironing or drop a day at work? I've learnt that one person can only take on so much before it all falls apart.

Good luck

Thank you, CakeEater. I think you're right (I do have a cleaner). It's difficult to know how much is me being disorganised and how much is simply having a lot on my plate I think while better systems and habits will be enormously helpful going forward, I need more drastic action to get myself out of the rut, otherwise I will get overwhelmed and backslide. I need to book time off and blitz through the worst of it.

Following if you don't mind x

hellooooo. You're more than welcome. I am always so touched that so many busy people devote time to helping those of us in a pickle. It would be great if it had a wider benefit. Look at all the replies and I hope you find them as useful as I have.

My DD was recommended the Todoist app and has found it hugely beneficial in managing life. The other thing is to set an amount of time to do a task and then stop rather than continue until it's completed. This particularly applies to marking (she's a teacher) otherwise she has no time for relaxation.

The regular phone checking- FB is a particularly bad habit- can steal hours though. One of my sisters seems to do tons yet always be organised. She maintains that it's her refusal to allow social media to encroach on her life- FB gets a check in once a week.

It sounds as if you have a huge amount on your plate. You're not superwoman. Do what you can but look after yourself first. You're allowed to say 'no, I can't' sometimes.

I'm just coming through the haze of depression and anxiety so things have built up/been ignored more than it should.

I've cut down (work) to 3 days a week, I go do C25K 3x a week and try and meet a friend for coffee once a week. I make time to straighten my hair where possible as I feel better for it and have bought a few new things even though I know I'm hopeful my shape will change.

I have about 6m of SE accounts to catch up on and a big shredding pile, but generally speaking life is more manageable.

Yoga with Adrienne is also very good for exercise and destressing at the same time - efficient

That sounds like great progress. cakeeater. I hope you are feeling better.

I have now got Todoist and will try to add things to it immediately.

Thank you all!

OP I'm so glad you are beginning to see a way through, from experience I agree that a shared calendar works and as soon as my DC were old enough I added them to it partly to give them responsibility and partly to stop the endless questions as to what we were doing next week/month etc.

Whilst I got organised, was a success a work and had happy DC I forgot myself and I now find myself staring a the big 50 - and empty nest and being very overweight and unfit with associated health problems. If I c outdoor have my time back I would sacrifice something for me time.