Husband funny about taking care of DS

[Kuverty]

Okay first of all I have a husband who is as close to perfection as a man can get I think and part of me feels guilty about writing this but I feel like I have to rant and don't want to go to friends as they obviously know him and would never want to put him in a bad light. Plus could use some objective advice.

Husband is really weird about childcare. It's my fault as I think I spoilt him too much by just taking care of everything around DS. He would ask me in the past if I was coping and I'd always act like a bloody Wonder Woman even though I often felt exhausted. I think I felt I had to take full responsibility for DS since hubby is in full time employment and I'm home all day with LO not even cooking or cleaning as DS was so absorbing.

But with time I just grown more tired and I feel like DH almost checked out from the whole child rearing process and me to some extent. He'd come home (in no rush really) then start preparing his dinner, sit down, relax, call his mate. In the meantime I've been on DS duty since 7:30 and bear in mind my baby doesn't nap at all. It just makes me sad that I always try to be compassionate and give him some time off to relax after work but that's not really reciprocated. I feel like he does not give a shit about me having any down time whatsoever. Yesterday in addition to his dinner / mate calling routine he sat down and watched a couple of movies on Netflix. Didn't even cross his mind to relief me of DS duties. Then when he has him it's like he is still trying to enjoy himself despite DS (no talking to DS or playing with him just carries him around and checks his phone the same time or watches telly.) He only has him for about 30 minutes a day and he still doesn't care about making any connection with him :-/

So I spoke to him about it today and now he's been with DS the last couple of hours and wouldn't even hand him back over to me which seems more than a tad passive aggressive and I think it's pretty shit behaviour to be honest. I heard a lot of ladies just pass the child over to hubbies as soon as they enter the door but mine is pissed off because I've asked him to take interest in DS a bit more than 30 minutes a day.

Should I just let him get through his passive aggressive motions and not give a damn? I've been trying to protect him from the hardships of parenthood but I can't go at it on my own :-///

Sounds to me like you've pushed him out of being daddy tbh.

I'd slowly start to step back and let him do his share. Go join gym or go for walk on your own and he will find a way. He sounds like a good guy and maybe you need to step back. Those first few months are tough to adjust to

"He has now taken over rocking DS to sleep most nights - though that's not very hard these days since LO just drops off around 9 each night pretty much on his own. Just likes to be held by someone when he falls asleep."

But isn't this a good thing and exactly the kind of thing that will help them bond? How does that tally with what you say about him being cold and indifferent? Can't you just encourage him to feel good about this and expand it into more nappy changing and bathing?

I do think you sound a little as if you are still struggling with the baby blues and expect everybody to be very emotive around the baby. But it is possible to express love in less emotional ways: if your dh is rocking his baby to sleep then he is expressing love. Don't assume there is only one right way of doing these things.

(my db really used to annoy me as his approach to his ds was far more sentimental than mine towards my dc and he always seemed to be hinting that I was a hard-hearted and uncaring parent: if I had been less confident that would really have got me down; with hindsight I can see that he was going through a rough patch and needed to reassure himself- it wasn't about me at all)

He's really been perfect this far.

Obviously Not!