Will I drive myself crazy thinking he's cheating all the time or does it get better?

[Bluegreenyellow1]

I'm a first time poster so please be easy with me. After someone cheats does the trust come back or will I be questioning everything forever? It's been nearly 2 years and I still don't trust him. If he's late or doesn't pick up the phone I think he's up to no good. If he says anything I assume he's lying. It's like I'm waiting to find out he's done it again. I don't show this in my behaviour, all is well in that regard. I don't bother him with it as I know it's for me to deal with or leave.
I would like to think it will get better but after 2 years I don't know if it will ever happen. So can you ever trust them fully again or am I longed to wait for another fuck up? Thanks

If my current dp cheats on me I'm leaving him full stop. Id rather the pain of separation than the vomit inducing panic all the time

OP, you can do so much better than this. The value of peace of mind cannot be overestimated.

Personally I don't think a relationship is essential, but if you want one, surely it should be with someone who without any doubt thinks they are the luckiest person in the world to have you? Otherwise, what's the point.

OP I was in the same situation. I tried for two years but the mistrust just kept coming back. He also wouldn't let me deal with it - it just caused arguments. He made no effort to reassure me at all. Then guess what...I caught him at it again.

I broke up with him and it's been the best decision. Wish I had had the strength to do it when I first found out. Making the decision to respect myself and not put up with his shit felt so much better than driving myself crazy with anxiety about him doing it again. I don't think cheaters will ever change.

If you are going to get over this it needs both of you to put a huge amount of effort in. It doesn't sound like he is prepared to do this. I'd advise you to move on before wasting any more time with him. I think you'll feel better for it eventually. You are worth more than this, and you deserve a relationship that doesn't make you paranoid and crazy.

All cheats are defensive.

My ex went mental when I asked if there was someone else, screamed at me and told me I was crazy yeah crazy for believing his bullshit!

Fact is, once they cheat, the trust is gone....don't torture yourself hoping it'll come back....just leave, short term it's hard & shit, long term it's for the best!

I can empathise what you're going through.
Brings it all back reading it on this thread.

The advice i can give is to evaluate yourself.
Are you strong to leave him? If the answer is no.

Then focus on building yourself slowly do a course, work, join a group meet new people.
From there on hopefully everything will make sense and fall into place.

You'll either make it break.

Nobody can tell you, it's got to come from your gut feelings/ instincts.

Never do anything rash. Sleep on it. I think CBT could help you in coping with this for the time being Positive relaxation thoughts in inhaling and haling meditation.

I hope i wasn't harsh.
😉

Honestly? No I don't think it ever does. (I spent 9 years with mine.)

The trust certainly didn't come back for me, but perhaps it may have done in time if he'd done some of the things that Sandy has listed in her post. Instead, he asked me several months later 'Are you not over this yet?'

I think the way a cheat behaves after they've been found out plays a huge part in whether or not the trust comes back. Whatever you decide, I wish you strength 💐

How did you find out about the cheating?