Not sure if I am depressed? Lonely? Emotionaly numb?

[sparkle00]

Not sure if i have crashed and burned!
Does anyone ever feel emotionless? Like you're going through each day, doing what you're supposed to, but you have no feeling. I'm not sad but I'm not happy. Hate admitting that as in my job I see sadness every day. My head just feels numb. I can't plan forward. I don't cry. I don't laugh. I don't have friends just work colleagues but I'm not upset by this (this used to upset me up until a couple of months ago) I'm a single mum. I don't want to date, I have no interest at all (I was planning on Internet dating after being single for so long). I have no interest in looking nice anymore.
The only way I can explain it is I'm just numb. Never ever felt anything like it in my life. It's been a struggle over the years but I've always had hope. I can't find it anymore. I don't know what's happening to me?

Hi Rumred - I question all of the time if what I am studying is the right course for me but I am 40 and no other choice in career. I worked really hard to get into university (2 years previous foundation now 3 year degree) I can't change my career now. My dream is to buy again and start a fresh with me and my dc's. I need an income. With a nursing degree I can work anywhere.
I was thinking about speaking to a councillor, yes.
Today I have absolutely no go in me at all. I really do believe i have hit a brick wall. Sat in darkness watching film after film. It's not healthy is it?

OP - I can relate. It could be hormonal. I went on a very low dose pill which has evened me out and helped a bit.

I think the body sometimes just needs to re-charge - and the mind? I am sure you are run off your feet with work, study and DCs, it sounds like you are doing an amazing job. Make sure to be kind to yourself.

I have been looking at Mindfulness lately and it is very interesting, patterns of thoughts/behaviours that you weren't even aware of, and it has really helped me to give myself a break sometimes. It puts you very much in touch with emotions (even ones you didn't realise were there).

Be kind to yourself, one day at a time and well done for all that you seem to be coping with so efficiently.

I just read your last post where you said

I question all of the time if what I am studying is the right course for me but I am 40 and no other choice in career.

That is a mindset in itself. Questioning yourself, implying you are worrying you are not doing the right thing. These negative thoughts can just creep in/be habitual without us realising. I think you are amazing to take on all that studying as a single parent. Go easy on yourself.

I feel like this too. Single mum too. Been flat for years because life is just relentless stress, work has been particularly bad the last year. I suspected early menopause but the gps dismissed it and obviously because I feel so bad I didn't have the fight to go back and challenge her .

for you.

PurpleThursday - Thankyou so much I really needed to read this today. I'm struggling and it's difficult with nobody to talk to. Thankyou for your kind words.
I have recently heard of mindfulness. Can I ask what you read? Do you attend a class?

Meg - for you too. I haven't even thought about early menopause. It's hard going isn't it? I have always found a coping mechanism and had hope. Not sure where I lost them. I would dearly like them back. I can't crash and burn now not after everything I have been through. I feel terrible guilt too, towards my dc's. I need to be strong for them.

You can have quite simple blood tests atthe GPs that can check your hormone levels.

There are books on Mindfulness but I was lucky enough to find a course locally which has really opened my eyes. I am a single parent and been going through an absolute nightmare of a divorce, it has really helped me.

Running a home with DCs is hard work. Work can be exhausting and studying too - even on it's own is very draining. You sound amazing to me. Get some treats lined up for yourself if you can

I'm sorry to hear that PurpleThursday. It's the hardest thing I have had to do, is divorce. It's been a tough few years. I could write a book. I'm glad you have found something that helps you. Hang on in there. You are doing amazing too!
It's tough being a single parent. It helps to chat on here. I really do appreciate it

In your line of work you may encounter more about Mindfulness, it seems to becoming a popular way of helping different mental health issues.

Just a quick Google found me this website and it sums it up quite well I think..

bemindful.co.uk

I hope you are feeling a bit better for sharing.

Yes, definitely PurpleThursday, thankyou
I found that exact website when you messaged me earlier, thankyou.
I have had a bit of a lazy day. I think I needed it. I have been working ridiculous hours. I have done something productive though. I have found a gym that I think I'm going to join and take my dc's along to swim. I think I need some mood boosting activities in my life. I plan to find a class or something around mindfulness tomorrow whilst I'm at work. It's a start.
Thankyou again

Wow! Quick work!

You sound like a 'do-er' I'm usually like that, sometimes life, children, work, responsibilities etc seem to be suffocating me, I know I can't just 'do' anything anymore. I think that made me hit a wall.

I joined a gym, it had a Creche too and it has been invaluable to me. Even just to buy a bit of child free time where I could sit and read or have a cup of child-free tea - then hit the gym!

You may also meet new people. Classes are good for seeing the same faces and striking up some friendships.

Wishing you lots of good things. I think you deserve them

That's exactly how I was feeling PurpleThursday. I was then becoming frustrated by it. Like a vicious circle.
Today I thought right small steps, small changes. It's lovely to be able to chat on here but it's only me that can change things. Knowing you're not alone makes you feel less alone.
I'm glad the gym has helped you. I'm hoping it will me. I'm sure if I can make it part of our routine, it will.
Thankyou for today PurpleThursday
Thankyou all

same here. i told my psychiatrist i needed a sabbatical from life.

for me it's a combination of genetics and shitty childhood. feels like it took all my strength just to survive on a daily basis. i've spent most of my life on a type of 'auto pilot' mode - where you do what needs doing but you're not emotionally connected to it.

at age 36 i seem to have crashed and burned. currently getting MH support via counselling and meds.
meds don't seem to have made much difference, i still feel flat.
i still feel like an alien abandoned on a fucked up planet.

Couldn'tMake - I'm sorry you are feeling this way and for so long.
How is the counselling coming along?
It helps to talk, do you think?

I was an RMN and often queried my mental health I think m it makes you more aware and able to recognise symptoms.
I am now a child SW specialising in attachment and I now question my previous and current parenting
Hope you feel better soon

I am studying to be a therapist and I seriously feel like I'm losing the plot so I wonder if partly this is what is being brought up for you as part of your study. I would say try and get some talking therapies to vent a bit if you can. Or write stuff down maybe? I am making really odd choices currently, not sleeping well, I know I'm not ok but trying to go with it as difficult as it is as I am aware of the depth of my current study and am also up to my neck in my own therapy as part of my study.

Ledkr - how did you (mentally) possibly do a degree in mental health and then another in SW? Wow!
I was at a conference recently and we spoke briefly about attachment theories with a psychologist and we were all chatting about the same afterwards.
It's all taking over my mind.

User14 - Maybe you're right. Its information overload some days. All got a bit too much.
I think it's also as I see nobody. I'm forever juggling childcare. With so much information on top is hard going and I kinda crashed.

How are you doing sparkle? I hope you have found a little more of your sparkle? 😊

Hello PurpleThursday
Thankyou for asking. Not too bad, thankyou.
It's such a weird feeling that I have been feeling but I am really trying to lift it. I have joined a gym and bought a book on mindfulness. It's a start.
Hope you are well Purple? Really appreciate your message

Maybe it was just your body's way of telling you that something needed to change. All work and no play and all that. It sounds like you are making a start. Well done. I know how hard it is to find 'me' time being a single parent, and the shadow of studying always around is like a black cloud. But you are on a road to loads of new, easier and more enjoyable times and adventures! Keep going!

Yes, maybe.
It is so so hard! It can become exhausting.
I hope so Purple.
Thankyou for messaging. You are so kind

How are things? I find the weekends bloody hard to cope with sometimes.

I have been feeling like this for the last few months. I'm on ADs
My have been for years. I'm a single mum but my dc's are older one has left home. I exercise every week. I work full time. I have lots of friends who I see regularly.
I'm the strong one the do-er the practical one.
Today I've spent the day beating myself up because I've loads to do but spent most of the day messing about on the internet. Now I feel guilty and lazy. Another weekend wasted.
My concentration is horrendous I love to read but I find it so difficult because I'm so distracted.
I don't know how to stop feeling like this.

Hiya PurpleThursday 😊
I'm ok, thankyou. Joined a gym and that's helped lift the mood, slightly. I'm always tired but I suppose that's all part of being a single parent. Even set up an OD profile. Some weekends I can go from fri - mon without seeing another adult. I struggle with childcare so not sure how that's actually going to work anyway.
How are you? Yes, weekends are definitely the hardest. It's non stop sometimes isn't it? I honestly think alot of mums feel the same though. How's things with you? Nice to hear from you 😊

OP I'm a single parent and the thought of getting into a relationship makes me feel sick. I just imagine that the type of man that targets a single mother must be a pedophile or another type of abuser