Husband tells me I'm fat and have to lose weight

[Fedupd0tcom]

So my dh and I have just had a massive row.

We were talking about how I was messed around when I was pregnant by Drs being rude to me in their tone. He said 'oh they were probably off with you because of your weight'. FFS! I started crying.

I know I'm fat. I'm a size 18 on a good day. I also have pcos and despite many attempts I have always been this size thanks to bloody pcos. I was this size when he married me. He knows this. He's seen me try umpteen diets. He goes baking bloody apple crumble all the time I say I'm on a diet. Supportive much? And gets in a strop if I want to have a salad etc for dinner even if I've made him something substantial.

When I got angry he reiterated that he fancied me although actions speak louder than words and there has been very little action in that department of late. Need I say more. He's never been very romantic. I also know men and society in general don't like me because I don't fit into the be a Size 12 and under or else category.

I'm just so hurt though. I thought he loved me and accepted me as I am. When he lectured me and I stood up for myself he launched at me with do you want to get diabetes then? Why don't you try to lose weight? Do you want to continue having a bad back?

I've tried to lose weight. The diets didn't work and I can't exercise due to slipped disc.

Thanks dh for making me feel like shit.

And to make it worse he knows that tomorrow it's 2 years since my Dad died and my Mum is v ill. Like I have time to think of myself, being a Mum and trying to work and be there for my Mum. Unsympathetic git! I'm heartbroken and don't know what to do. Just hurt by his insensitivity I guess. I know I'm fat and have to something about it. I don't need him breathing down my neck about it as well. He just doesn't get how hard it is for me. He has a fab job. His parents are fit and well. And he's so slim and fit. I'm the odd one out. The fat one. Thanks for knocking me over the head with that fact dh.

XH used to always sabotage my attempts at dieting. As soon as I said I was trying to change the way I ate and lose some weight, he would be bringing me mussels in white wine sauce for supper - when I have never eaten supper in my life. Or a huge slab of chocolate cake and looking hurt if I refused. The joke was, he put on a huge amount of weight when he stopped smoking and his rubbish diet (almost never ate anything I cooked) and his serious drinking contributed to that. I put weight on through illness, and although I lost some, it went back on when my meds were changed and I was developing a load of symptoms because of that. It only took me three years to convince the doctor that I was suffering so badly because my blood tests were 'normal'. I am once again trying to shift some weight. It isn't easy.

I think your H is a complete dick and I think you need to decide if you want to stay with someone who treats you so shabbily. As other pps have said, the easiest amount of weight you will ever lose is him!

Fed up - he's an utter knob and doesn't deserve you. I wouldn't focus on your weight right now. When you are ready and in a positive head space come back to it. You don't need a man (and especially not that one) to validate you. Try to focus on doing things you enjoy for yourself to feel better that aren't binge eating. ...go for a walk somewhere beautiful, buy some earrings, whatever is your thing. ... once you are looking after your mind you'll be in a better space to tackle your weight IF YOU want to. FWIW I'm big too and have been since my 20s (up and down 5 stones here and there). Met DH in my 30s. He ONCE made a snarky comment about my weight early in the relationship and I told him if he didn't like it, he could leave...not been mentioned since. I really feel for you. My ex was somewhat like your current. That's why he's my ex. 'LTB' is easy to type - not so easy to go through with kids. But I do think, in the long run, you would be a lot happier without him.

He's not clueless. He knows exactly what he's doing. He's using your weight as a reason to berate you then doing all he can to keep you at that weight. He is a horribly manipulative man fedup.

He sounds wonderful.

Once you're ready (which as a PP said may be after dumping the undermining DH, or at least getting couples counselling if things are salvageable in your opinion - hard to know from through a forum), have you considered hypnotherapy? I'm a hypnotherapist and it's often very effective for binge eating and tackling both the 'why' and the 'what to do instead'. Also can be good for body confidence. Need to find a good one though.

I've never meant this so much in my life.

leave the bastard!

And you saying that you can't blame him for having another woman. Omg don't break my heart. What has he done to you! You are worth so much more than what he is making you feel. I feel for you massively, I have pcos and it's such a bitch! And I only have it mildly.

And ignore that nutter itsnoteasy! What a load of misogynistic bullshit. You don't owe it to him to lose weight. You don't owe him fuck all when he treats you like this.

Sort your self out and tell him to get the hell out. And then work on getting your self esteem up. And then work on losing weight. Once you are confident and see your own self worth, you will be able to make yourself healthier

Xx

Another who thinks he is a grade a git

You are unhappy.
Your 'D'H is making you unhappy.
While you are unhappy nothing will change.
Absolutely get your ducks in a row.
See how you would cope without him around.
Then take action to get him out of your life.
Then you can work on yourself.

My very recent Ex, when we were talking about working through our issues said to me 'don't take this the wrong way but you have put on weight lately'
Indeed I had. I'd gone from a size 10 to a 12 and I wasn't entirely happy about it.
So I lost weight. Guess what?
He started messages all sorts of women he knows.
Having sext conversations and send dick picks and them sending him pussy pics etc....
And.... they are all far heavier than me.
So it wasn't about the weight at all otherwise he'd be chasing slim women.
It was about having his ego stroked.
I could look like a Victoria Secrets model and he still would have strayed.
Because that is who he is.
He has many other issues as well and I'm well rid but it did make me laugh when I found out who he was chasing after.

It's not you, IT'S HIM!!!!! He is a knob!

At no point in the OP does the DH say you are fat and need to lose weight.

From previous threads-
OP is the one who got jealous of her husband dancing with his mum at a wedding, OP is the one who has had an emotional affair.
The DH is getting slaughtered on here, I bet he has a different story.

And as I said before, you should end the relationship.

Your DH aside....

If you want to lose weight (for you), I can recommend a very easy way to do so. For me, faddy diets didn't work. I went from a size 16/18 to a size 8, by doing this:

1200 calories a day
Walk 4 miles a day

That's it.

It only took 4 months. I started on January 1st, and by the 1st May it was all done.

Now, I can't go hungry! So you need to stock up on low cal snacks.

Eg.

Breakfast: Crumpet and butter, plus coffee.

Snacks throughout the day:

Caramel rice cakes
Chocolate rice cakes
Weight watchers fromage / yoghurts
Quavers
Wotsits
Low fat cheese triangles
Melba toast
Ham
Chicken
Fruit
Crumpets
Cup-a-soups

Lunch: Adsa American ranch salad, with cherry toms, cucumber, red onion, 3 slices of thick ham, ranch dressing (takes a lot of eating!), followed by a pack of wotsits and a yoghurt.

Dinner: whatever you are cooking for the family, minus the carb bit (replace potatoes with side salad)

Supper: Ryvita with cheese triangle, packet of quavers

I seem to be eating all day! I am never hungry.

Set up an account on Myfitnesspal. Log everything you eat (and drink).

If you enjoy fizzy drinks, get zero sugar versions.

If you start tomorrow, you could be your goal weight by as early as August/September.

Do it for you though, not for him!

I lugged around 12 stone of useless weight for years. Then I divorced him.

Husky....

that's incredible!!

Since christmas she has gone from blubbery to getting a nice figure.

Oh god.

Thank you Husky. You've done amazing!

If your DH is so miserable that you feel he couldn't be blamed for having an affair, then perhaps he should leave?

And then you'd be happier too and free of his nasty sabotaging. And realise that he absolutely can be blamed for having an affair.

Gosh op, if you suspect OW then his attitude could sound like gaslighting.

Consistently pointing out he's unhappy with your weight and not finding you attractive is like drawing the first line in the sand...(conveniently forgetting that he accepted you like this at the beginning)

Then not supporting you to do something positive about the perceived problem, in fact the opposite, keeping you in a position where he can be unhappy with you...

Well it probably affirms in a twisted mindset that he can look for what he wants outside the marriage because he's "warned" you and you've achieved nothing despite that.

Incidentally i would binge eat in the evenings, load up with carbs. I had PCOS too. I weighed 19 stone.

When my STBEXH walked out strangely my appetite dipped and I lost 40 kilos in six months. The stress left that day, and the stress eating went with him. I get bad days of stress but strangely because it's in my control I don't feel the need to hide my sorrow in food.

We've had sweets in the cupboard since Christmas. The old unhappy me would've eaten them by the end of Boxing Day.

Going by this post that i found on another thread it would seem thats Itsnoteasy DW is in a bit of a vulnerable position work wise so im guessing he thinks hes got her exactly where he wants her.

"Itisnoteasybeingdifferent Thu 09-Mar-17 09:20:24
My wife is self employed through her own Ltd company.. She works like tat because as a female over 50 it is near impossible to get a "proper job". Ageism is alive and kicking.

As self employed she has no job security, no sick pay, no holiday pay.

The Labour chancellor is lying when he talks about it not being fare that people with employment rights have the same income as people without employment security.. "

Fedup0tcom, I am totally with you. Whereas massive change in any relationship (maybe weight, but a zillion other things too) can be an issue, your husband married you just as you are, and is now attempting to blame you for it. The 'feed you crumble' stuff is also deeply suspect

When I wanted to lose 10 pounds, my husband joined in, co-joining the gym with me, losing his own 10 pounds, and sharing cooking/shopping for healthy food. If he's so keen on a slim wife, he could be doing that, couldn't he, without making you feel shit? But he's a lot keener on being mean and controlling.