How do I tell my DH that...

[miserablemolly]

I need advice on how to broach the following with my DH. We have an ok relationship but crap at communicating. He farts constantly, all day, all the time. He's always been this way (together 10 years) but I can't take it anymore. I hate it. I don't want to have sex with someone who is in a fog of noisy, smellyness all the time. I have never, ever said anything to him so if I explode in rage (which I feel like doing) he'll be blindsided. How can I tell him the effect it's having? He hates to be criticised and I'm anticipating a major fall out.

OP, your DH farts in front of everyone because he is selfish. He perfectly knows it's disgusting.

I am also sure he has some problems with his guts. He definitely lacks good bacteria and an intolerance to some food. Does he eat yogurt with live bacteria or take supplements? He has probably inherited the problem from his mum and neither of them went to the doctor to find out the route of it. They think it's natural. Sorry but both of them are pigs.

Here's a good article www.livestrong.com/article/23379-causes-excessive-flatulence/
It is strange you have been putting up with this for so long.

OP Frouby mentioned charcoal- you can get tablets from health food stores, and they're great for vile -smelling farts. (They're also effective on farting labradors) It sounds as though this isn't your biggest problem with him - but it might make it easier for you to address the other issues should the stench be resolved first...

@Waitrose in the experience of several of my friends, food intolerance does exactly that. The women are mortified by it, the blokes not so much.

The joy of humanity is that we are all different, and experience different symptoms. While for some food intolerance is bloating and painful wind, for others it's nausea, or diarrhoea, or constant farting, or constipation, or a combination of the above.

Generally, I've found men less bothered by farting than women. But it's the other aspects of OP's DH I'd have a problem with. Maybe he's just revolting. Maybe he's got a gastric issue. Either way, going in all guns blazing will have less useful effect than approaching with consideration and concern. If he dismisses her concerns and continues as before, that's not on and OP can work out where she wants to go from there.

Chickened out and didn't say anything last night but thank you all for the replies. It's actually hard to read this thread back because I feel like I have to do something about the situation now (and not just the farting!). I always like the positive threads people start about how great their OH's are because it gives me a relationship model to aspire to.

To answer those who think he might have a gut problem; that could be the case but again it's more the disregard for social norms than anything. I accept that everyone farts.

I think that you're scared to talk to him about this (and anything non-trivial) says something really bad about your relationship. It's not healthy to be unable to talk openly without the fear of him throwing a tantrum. You need to think about whether this is emotional abuse or whether he could learn to change his communication style.

He doesn't know he has a gut problem and he farts in front of the others because he doesn't see it as a problem. I am sure he will not like you telling him about it. He will tell you that his mum farts and his friends fart and no-one is bothered except you. Why now and not years before? It is natural to fart and I will fart as much as I want to. Why don't you fart? I am not bothered by it. Do you fart in front of your colleagues? No. Why would I? So why then in front of me and my parents? Why are you starting this now? Of course I cannot fart in front of my bloody colleagues. They are not as close to me as you. Why did I marry you so I couldn't even fart? Blah-blah-blah.

But go on and tell him and if he doesn't do anything about it then sleep in another room and stay away from him so he would get the message eventually. I hope it doesn't come to this but you have described him as a pretty selfish husband.

Can you approach it a different way maybe.. heres an example (im not suggesting for a second you use the same example its just one I think would embarrass him into changing maybe)

" Well I used to like giving blow jobs but the thought of you farting in your pants all day makes my stomach turn and I defo wont want to put my head anywhere near there with it constantly smelling of shit"

Bit brutal, but honest!

or "do you realise you fart so much now that your natural body odour is starting to resemble shit"
Sort it out babe its embarrassing ?

I would say if he cant handle criticism then good old embarrassment should do it!

Really kind and fair to everyone is inconsistent with your saying that he cannot take any criticism or feedback.
That is not being kind and fair, that is having trained everyone to do and say only what he wants!

It makes me actually heave to think about having sex with someone who constantly farts. Please tell me he's actually decent in bed?!?!

I have a friend whose dh used to do this...there was a final straw moment when he did it in a pod on the London eye. With strangers also in the pod.

I honestly truly could not be with this man, ever. it turns my stomach. The rest of it all sounds pretty gruesome as well.

He'd have to have some spectacular redeeming features