How do I tell my DH that...

[miserablemolly]

I need advice on how to broach the following with my DH. We have an ok relationship but crap at communicating. He farts constantly, all day, all the time. He's always been this way (together 10 years) but I can't take it anymore. I hate it. I don't want to have sex with someone who is in a fog of noisy, smellyness all the time. I have never, ever said anything to him so if I explode in rage (which I feel like doing) he'll be blindsided. How can I tell him the effect it's having? He hates to be criticised and I'm anticipating a major fall out.

What do your friends and family say when he does it?

He farts you say 'that's sexy', he does it again 'wow now I really want to sleep with you' etc slightly jokey, but also serious. If he gets defensive you just say, it doesn't make me feel very attracted to you and if he goes off on one you just say, well it's how I feel.

It shouldn't smell vile constantly I don't think.

Dp had an undiagnosed bowel problem for years. Since treatment (drastic surgery) it has improved considerably. Things that make it worse are lager, spicy food, greasy food and bizarrely salad.

He had a curry and a few beers friday night and yesterday I told him to go outside to fart as I was sick of my lovely clean house smelling like a mans toilet.

Apparently charcoal is good for neutralising bad smells. Maybe swap the digestives for charcoal bonios?

But think seriously about whether it's the farting or dh that is annoying you. After 10 years of it for it to become an issue to the point you are going to explode I would suspect something else is.going on and you are focused on his arse to avoid questioning other things.

If he farted 5 time a day, in private would he be the ideal husband or would something else annoy you?

Bull is it mostly uncontrollable

If you were in any number of situations you wouldn't noisily fart without trying to control it. Think church, interviews, business meetings, restaurants, hairdressers...

It's not nice to be in an enclosed space that smells of shit. If you can feel it coming you leave if you can and do it elsewhere. Obviously there will be times you can't control, but that's not the norm for most people given that in any of the situations I listed above there's not a cacophony of noisy farts and it doesn't smell like a public toilet despite there being lots of people sharing the same space.

I have similar problems with my oh ( only difference is he knows it offends and upsets me ) he's one of those awful blokes who says it's natural and will often stand next to you and do it . He finds it funny , I don't we have immense arguments about it . I have even threatened to leave, once an accident I get twice intentional.

Gallavich FIVE times a day!! That is not normal.

Five times before I've cleaned my teeth. I clean my teeth as soon as I get up.

I think we need to accept people are different.

I read somewhere that everyone farts an average of 14 times a day.

Farting isn't the issue, uncontrolled farting is.

E.g. You're just about to come home, try to fart before you come in, then when you are in you periodically go to other rooms as a release valve.

Really, most mpeople are capable of this as they don't tend to fart in inappropriate situations.

The short of it is that they don't care about you if they don't see your company as one of those situations, even though you do. Your feelings aren't important to them.

Did he do it through your wedding ceremony? And his mum?

from by has hit the nail on the head. If he didn't fart, would you want to be with him? The farting is very passive aggressive, which goes hand in hand with the defensiveness

It's probably a few more than that but definitely not several times an hour!

It's the lack of communication which concerns me. That's quite controlling for you to feel that you can't speak up about something so simple. Walking on eggshells.

I'd just tell him outright OP that you've had enough of it and he needs to do something about it. Just because he comes from generations of master-farters does not mean this behaviour can't change.

Also, I want to know about the wedding ceremony.....

Buy these:

www.myshreddies.com/

Maybe for his whole family.

To be honest I think I'd match his lack of communication with my own.

If he did it next to me I'd just stand up, say "that's absolutely disgusting" and leave the room, go to another room and close the door.

And I'd keep repeating it, regardless of the situation - restaurant, pub, dinner table etc.

No emotion, no anger, just cut of the supply of glee he feels.

I would say very calmly one evening, I can't stand your disgusting smelly farting any more I'd like a divorce please as you revolt and disgust me and I no longer feel like sleeping with a stinking gas bag.
How you can tolerate that is beyond my understanding. Where do I even start - it's mannerless, revolting, horrible, unattractive. i would be ashamed to take him anywhere.
If someone did that next to me in the cinema I'd give him what for, seriously.

"Apparently charcoal is good for neutralising bad smells. Maybe swap the digestives for charcoal bonios?"

Laughing out loud Frouby :-)

No, food intolerances do not make you fart in front of people constantly. Yes, they bloat you and it's often painful. Most of us would still hold it until we could get to a bathroom however. It's not an excuse.

Exactly, it's not so much the farting but the fact it is a matter of him being able to control it when it suits him, but it doesn't suit him to show consideration for the OP.

Wedding ceremony was a 5 minute thing in a town hall as we weren't married, had no plans to marry but were going to an Arab country for a year for his job and it was essential. So his mum wasn't there. However.. had she been there or had it been a wedding I suspect they both would have trumped their way through it.

The PP who asked if I'd still want to be with him if the farting issue was resolved. Hmmmmm yes because I love our little family and we are a good parenting team. If we didn't have kids then no, I wouldn't choose him again.

I don't necessarily feel I'm walking on eggshells but that's because I never say anything other than banal chat. That's the real problem I suppose. We're married but we're not close, I'd never describe him as my best friend. I go to lengths not to rock the boat because I'm tired of his reactions.

An example of how I generally don't rock the boat. The other night we were on the iPad looking at holidays. He had MTV or something on the telly and it was heavy metal from the 90's. It was too loud, I hate that kind of music, the videos were gross. I endured it for about an hour then said do you mind if we put something else on - I knew he'd be pissed off. And he was, said he never gets to put anything he likes on the telly, he's sick of watching game shows (I watch the chase once a day if I have time) and how is it affecting me on and on. Then he put on some Britney Spears thing and suffered through it, as if to be the martyr.

Reading back my last post it seems the issue is really bigger than farting. It's that I have had to seek advice from an Internet forum on how to say something to my husband that most of you could/would say in a heartbeat without having to run through the likely outcome.

I'll try say something tonight.

Yes, the lack of communication and walking on eggshells is the main problem but constantly farting is repulsive and totally inconsiderate. Tell him that - stand up for yourself!

Wedding ceremony was a 5 minute thing

Good job really!

My DH farts a lot but I find it quite amusing. He always apologies though!

It got quite bad a while back and a diet change has made all the difference. And I've lost 8lb by joining in. Would he be up for that?

It's quite often the way that when someone posts a thread they then realise see it's the tip of the iceberg and in fact there are far bigger and worse issues but the relatively small issue posted about was just the straw that started th m on the path to enlightenment.

He could have ibs! You should definitely suggest a gp apt.

You have to sit through his loud music that you don't like for an hour, he doesn't recognise that, or care to choose something you both like? That's bullshit. You shouldn't have to live like that!