Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is this normal

27 replies

nicebiscuit25 · 04/03/2017 19:59

I'm happy in my relationship love him to bits but I keep thinking of other men I see woundering what there like as a boyfriend. weather this is the one he feels like the one so badly everything is perfect with us. I just worry weather we will be together in 10 years time I'm a big worrier he's currently away for the weekend and I'm bored in the bath missing my single days of texting guys but I'm also missing him wanting him home so I can cuddle him

OP posts:
Trustyourself2 · 04/03/2017 20:36

It's not something I've done when in a happy relationship. In an unhappy relationship I'd say it happens all the time.

Holly3434 · 04/03/2017 20:39

No, I think your missing the honeymoon period we all feel at the start before things get settled. If everything's perfect try and focus more on him if this is the case do something exciting together like a date, bring back some honeymoon stage

joystir59 · 04/03/2017 20:56

Never give other people a thought- we've been together 5 years and I really look forward seeing her every single time. My focus is on her and no-one else.

Original poster
nicebiscuit25 · 04/03/2017 21:14

Thanks for the help I look forward to seeing him everyday where just at the long term stage talking about future marriage houses it's a first being only nearly 23 I've never had this before in past relationships the living with someone and marriage all seemed so far away

OP posts:
Original poster
nicebiscuit25 · 04/03/2017 21:16

Pluss with him being away for 5 days I'm bored had two days away with friends got work tomorrow it's just the evenings I miss having the company

OP posts:
WifeyFish · 04/03/2017 21:20

I can't say I've ever felt like that in a relationship I'm happy and content in to be honest. You're only young though so I wouldn't get too het up on the future, just enjoy your relationship for what it is and don't be in too much of a rush to reach your happily ever after.

Spam88 · 04/03/2017 21:20

I've never felt like this. And my husband goes away for 6 weeks at a time but I somehow manage not to fantasise about other men Hmm

Impossible to know really whether you're feeling this way because you're not happy or because you've just got a bit of commitment fear going on. I think focusing on what's good in your relationship is good advice, and maybe also think about how you'd feel if the relationship ended?

Lalunya85 · 04/03/2017 21:25

Perhaps you could spend some time thinking about what you like doing when you're by yourself? It's something some of us have to actually learn!
I'm just saying that because your post mentions that you're bored and it reminds you of "texting guys" (when in the bath?!).
A relationship will never be able to give you everything you want. You need to be happy with your own company, and that's something only you can learn. Think of your boyfriend being away as a chance to focus on that rather than fantasising about other men.

Good luck! Smile

Original poster
nicebiscuit25 · 04/03/2017 21:25

I think it's commitment to be honest I'm at that panicking stage he's so perfect I look at him and think he's the one I don't want anyone else but It's the fear of spending the rest of my life with someone I like my own space

OP posts:
Original poster
nicebiscuit25 · 04/03/2017 21:28

I spent so long being single on tinder I loved the buzz of dates taking to new guys the the honey moon faze has gone I think

OP posts:
Original poster
nicebiscuit25 · 04/03/2017 21:30

But I really love him so much he's made me so happy we laugh all the time always doing things

OP posts:
troodiedoo · 04/03/2017 21:30

I'd say it's normal, you seem to be at that "shit or get off the pot" stage before making a bit commitment.

Original poster
nicebiscuit25 · 04/03/2017 21:32

I struggle being independent to when I was single there was always someone to talk to or text

OP posts:
Joysmum · 04/03/2017 21:43

It's ok not to want to commit to one person, but you need to be honest with him. Don't let him think you're the one for him and you are thinking about a future with him you you are happy to just live in the moment.

Since being with my DH I've never missed being single or wondered what it would be like to have a future with anyone else because I couldn't bear the thought of a future where I'm not with DH. That's not because of entrenchment, or sunk costs. I have means to seperate and buy a house outright in my own right but it just that he's the one for me.

Original poster
nicebiscuit25 · 04/03/2017 21:57

I couldn't imagine a future with out him that's the scary part I don't want to loose him ever but thought that he's the one does terrify me

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 05/03/2017 01:21

Hmm, no, I don't think that this is normal.

What else do you have in your life? Do you have a job you enjoy and could potentially make a career of? Good friends, good relationships with family? Hobbies and interests?

You are young. Sometimes, young women over emphasise their relationships with men at the expense of all the other aspects of life which make for being a happy, well rounded person. The media is to blame. Films, women's magazines, books, TV, especially soaps, Facebook etc, push this idea on us, that romantic relationships are the most important thing in a woman's life.

Don't lie in the bath fantasising about being single. Go out and enjoy yourself with friends and family and doing things you enjoy.

When you are secure and confident in yourself as an adult woman, then you will feel more confident to make the decision about whether this is the right man for you.

Original poster
nicebiscuit25 · 05/03/2017 09:22

I've got a great job great friends there just all busy this weekend sadly he's definitely the right man for me we have one of the best times together I sit and look at him and wonder how I got so lucky

OP posts:
LesisMiserable · 05/03/2017 10:22

You like your own space...but you're so bored of your own company you're thinking about texting other men. You need to find contentment in yourself before you can be a good partner to someone else.

TheNaze73 · 05/03/2017 10:55

What you're going through is perfectly normal OP. What you need to learn is, how to be alone. I think Tinder hook ups can be addictive, for I arrant gratification & approval.

TheNaze73 · 05/03/2017 10:55

Instant not arrant

Original poster
nicebiscuit25 · 05/03/2017 11:02

Thank you the naze73 It is the instant gratification It's the being alone in my own space but also getting the messages from guys it's addictive I spent two years addicted to it all and then I fell madly in love it was quite a shock especially now where living together have a joint account it's all becoming real

OP posts:
ohheykobus · 05/03/2017 11:26

I don't think it's normal in a happy or fulfilling relationship.

I've never felt like I miss my single days with my current OH and never have the urge to be with other people (or even wonder what they're like). Sure I have fleeting thoughts, for about one second, but they're meaningless and not genuine.

Original poster
nicebiscuit25 · 05/03/2017 11:32

I don't miss my single days I just guess I miss the endless people to talk to

OP posts:
LesisMiserable · 05/03/2017 11:52

You sound like you need attention from more than one person and thats never good in a committed relationship. Perhaps he isnt the one for you

NotYoda · 05/03/2017 12:01

I think it sounds as if you are addicted to the excitement of flirting.
Can you use some full stops too? Your posts are difficult to read.