In need of advice I think my husband raped me

[Tania3541]

I'm
Really confused I don't know what to think and we do occasionally have rough consenting sex so this is where I am confused

Me and my husband were in bed 2 nights ago and had Already had sex after he woke me up
it took Me about hour to go back sleep .... later I was
Woke up again to find he put his hands on my pants and was rubbing me and I changed position and groaned
I said no I was to tired
Then he put his hand in my pants and pushed his fingers inside me hard so I grabbed his hand & removed it and said NO * stop it !! as I pushed his hand away ... And I was putting pants back in place he roughly ripped them off and he climbed on top of me pushed my legs apart and had sex with me I was led there in shock and to stunned to say anything after I just turned away and didn't know what to think

We have had sex where he is more dominant than me and that's fine but I'm sorry I'm just feeling very confused
And trying to make sense of everything

He messaged me the next day and said sorry it was a bit rough last night but I couldn't help myself and I know you needed it
He came home last night and said he is fed up of me telling him no and won't put up with it anymore !!! I'm still in shock I don't know what to think

[VestalVirgin]

He's raped you to teach you a lesson so he thinks into never saying no again. You need to think long and hard over this relationship

I don't actually think that much thinking is required here. The husband was pretty clear on what kind of person he is. Doesn't take a genius, or much thinking, to figure that out.

OP should think on how to fastest get out of this marriage.

[AnyFucker]

The "time lapse" does not matter. If op wants to report this, she should go right ahead.

[AnyFucker]

I am sorry for what your wife went through, strygil, but it really doesn't excuse you making such a terrible post as that

[NewPuppyMum]

Strygil - are you naive, stupid or just cruel?

[Prawnofthepatriarchy]

What happened was rape. Your husband is a rapist. And he has told you that he intends to rape you again whenever he wants to. You need to get away as soon as possible. You can't stay in a relationship with someone who does that to you. Just go.

[nespressofan]

How does one volunteer to be raped?

[Salemthecat]

DO NOT LISTEN TO WHAT STRYGIL HAS TO SAY!!

OP, I am sorry this has happened to you. I hope you are okay just now.

It was rape and your instincts are telling you that. Listen to them.

Now you need to decide what you want to do from here. Women's Aid will be able to help you if you need practical and/or emotional assistance.

In terms of reporting to the police, only you can decide if you want to do that. Do not feel like you have to. You are in control here, you decide.

Keep talking to us, we're all here for you.

[SmileEachDay]

volunteering to be raped

No. If the OP stays, in no way is she responsible for her dickhead husband's actions. Please report yourself for that comment, it's the kind of victim blaming mentally that abused women take on board.

OP - you were raped, you know that. What do you want to do next?

[babyunicornvomit]

This gave me chills. Please please get out of that situation and report him. I know it might be hard and you love him and whatever else, but this is not a person who respects you.
You said you had already had sex when he woke you up and raped you, then he says he's 'fed up of you saying no'?
You have done NOTHING wrong, please please get out of this situation.

[memyselfandaye]

Keep that text he sent, he's admitted what he did. If you do go to the police and I hope you do, surely it's evidence.

Don't accept that kind of life, he raped you and he said he's going to do it again.

[DevelopingDetritus]

I agree, surely that text is evidence.

[LouMumsnet]

Sorry to interrupt your thread, OP. We just wanted to remind everyone that we do not advocate victim blaming on Mumsnet. Here is a link to our We Believe You campaign – please do have a read.

We will remove victim-blaming posts, so please do report any of these that you see, and we will take a closer look.

You have had some great support and advice on here, OP, and we hope you can gain some strength from it and find some help in RL.

[AnyFucker]

Thanks Lou

[Shamefulsecrets]

I'm so sorry. I think it's very hard when it happens in that way; to label it as rape when it's someone who's meant to love and care for you. IME, it's something that your brain shys away from, especially if you've previously agreed to rough stuff. I think it makes you not trust yourself and wonder if it's something you've done or if you've somehow misunderstood. You may find yourself looking for a way to excuse it and I think that that's a normal reaction.

I hope that you can come to terms with what's happened and move forward from it. How you do that, I don't know. You're very brave to talk about it

[cordeliavorkosigan]

How dreadful for you. There really are no words. and how chilling and evil, what he said. I think you're very strong to post on here and I hope you leave and keep safe.

[BarryTheKestrel]

I'm so sorry this happened to you stay safe OP and get out as soon as you can.

[princessconsuelabananahammock1]

Shocking! I still find it unbelievable when I read what kind of people are in this world. How can any person in there right mind think that what he done is normal? I would be well away from him! I hope your ok don't let him wear you down xxxx

[theothercatpurred]

OP I just wanted to say I hope you're OK

Do you have anyone in RL to talk to?
Do you have somewhere you can go?

Please remember when leaving someone who has demonstrated that they have no respect for you, let alone someone who has raped you) you don't need to do it face to face.

It's much less risky IMO to just up and leave when he's out. Go somewhere you feel safe (can you go to family / friends?) and tell him you've left from a distance.

[EverythingEverywhere1234]

You poor soul. That was, unquestionably, rape and I am so so sorry this happened to you. What a bastard your husband is. His immediate and latter reactions are also horrifying, he's planning on doing it again and you need to get away.
Do you have family or friends who you could run to? I second a PP, don't worry a jot about doing anything face to face with him, you just need to get yourself out and safe.

[PreemptiveSalvageEngineer]

Please remember when leaving someone who has demonstrated that they have no respect for you, let alone someone who has raped you) you don't need to do it face to face.

Wise words, catpurred. We're conditioned to "talk it out", "have the courtesy...", etc, but there are some acts so heinous that normal rules of engagement do not apply. Just leave, or - far better! - get the police to remove him.

Strongly suggest if you ring police you ask for the domestic violence team. They're trained in abuse issues, whereas with the force in general, the specific training hasn't reached everywhere. Last thing you want to he is discouraged at the first hurdle.

Stay strong.

[WaitrosePigeon]

Oh my god you poor thing. I just can't believe there are people like this out there. Please say you have some real life support? What are you going to do next?

[PreemptiveSalvageEngineer]

Oh, another thing. Please don't let any history of "rough sex" discourage you from reporting. The police will have heard it all, and you know the difference between what you normally do and what you didn't this time. You've been very clear - we're in no doubt and we're strangers on a screen, not the person who is meant to love you and "get you" above all others. Please don't believe you failed to make yourself clear.