50/50 split of childcare on divorce - is this best for the children? How do you feel about it? How does it work?

[WavingNotDrowning]

I've been divorced for 2 years and have had almost sole charge of the children (6 of them aged now, 4-18) since then. ExH has been crap and now sees them once a fortnight. half the children refuse to go so I pretty much have sole charge. I'm working full time.

I've finally cracked, I just can't do it. ExH continually complains that he can't carry on funding me to the extent he does (child maintenance, not spousal - he is pretty good at paying this) and the children continually throw the fact that their father is wonderful and they want to live with him, at me. My job and health are suffering. So I've suggested shared care.

I have suggested 50/50 split - maybe one week on, one week off. I wondered who did this? How does it work? Do you miss the children on your weeks off?

Do the children benefit from this arrangement? I think mine do need to see their father more. They love and miss him. he isn't a crap father (well he is a bit - but he's capable of doing it).

Thanks if you've read this. I'm truly at breaking point at the moment.

The foul (but normal) teens are old enough to know that the money their precious daddy is whining about giving you is actually for the cost of their care, that you personally could manage quite well without it. And that withholding financial information is not the action of someone who wants to make sure his kids are getting all they deserve. And that calling someone a c&^t is not something someone a cool dude does, ever. But if they want to go and live with him then that's fine by you, they should just ask him.

FWIW my teenagers did 50:50 when XDH and I split up - it worked OK for DS who is very insular, less so for very social DD as he lived a bit outside her social area.

As purple says it's time to lay cards on table and be honest with the children about the situation.

That he calls you a cunt and is witholding money and being dishonest and that actually he is a Grade A Bastard and by virtue of this fact he is a Shit Dad. They are all old enough to know save the four year old.

I think you should move away where you can afford life without his money. Wresting yourself from his control gives you the best chance of wellbeing.

I reckon you just gotta hope he continues to see the dc but you cannot count on this Cunt for anything reall and need to plan accordingly