calling the police

[user1488373300]

Hello I am new here and used to be a frequent visitor when my wife and I were expecting for first child who is now 5. Sorry for the long post.

We have been happily married for 13 years. We have the occasional arguments about which repeat periodically every 4-5 months we scream at each other it never gets violent lasts about 5-10mins and we T out from each other. In a few hours or a day it call goes back to normal.
On this occasion the argument escalated out of the usual control words were said and to cut the long story short my wife threatened to kill our child and herself.

In hindsight I can see it was an empty threat to get a reaction out of me. She has never uttered such words before. Now in the emotional state I was in I immediately tried to calm her down but my doing so started making her angrier she ran with the child out the front door toward the road. There were no cars coming in either direction and I thought well how long will it be before one comes along. I felt I was losing control of the situation and called the police. When the police arrived she was trying to get into her car and drive away and i was preventing her by holding onto the keys in the ignition. She got arrested and now is hysterical and very bitter with me for calling the police. I am questioning myself if it was the right thing to do calling the police. I believe it was.

What are the thoughts of the forum members?

I want to make it very clear I am not minimising your wife's threats - and that I also believe you had no choice but to call the police. But do you think the threat was to hurt YOU or because she is in fact suicidal? You know her best. The only practical arrangement I can think of is getting DD and yourself away for a while - it may just be the wake up call your wife needs to seek help for herself. Because until she wants to do it for her, as opposed to for all of you, I'm not sure it will work.

Thank you all for your thoughts.

Is this really the home life you want for your child?

As forcalling the police, you absolutely did the right thing. Her attitude to you (blaming you) shows what sort of person she is that she is putting herself first. If you had NOT called the police she would have something to moan about IMHO. I think you have to be very careful as to what you will and will not allow here OP. It's a freaking fine line and I don't envy you. Now you have had to call the rozzers though there is a bit of evidence in the background and if she pulls a stunt like this you can take the DC walk away and know it's the right thing with due legal process able to function in your DC and your best interest.

Even if the threat was to hurt you, what does it say about her and the relationship? Something is badly broken.

And you're right it was the FIRST time the child witnessed it. Because it's likely that your child will witness it again. And again. And again.

Your wife can stop it by taking full responsibility and monitor her own behaviour.
You can only stop it by separating.

If you have anything about you op you would leave this woman for the sake of your dd she bloody threatened to kill her for godsake that's the sickest thing I've ever heard. She clearly has some
Mental health issue as no one would ever say that.

It's appaulling behaviour that she seeking constant attention then kicks off infront of your child grabbing her and putting in her in a car. What's it going to take for you to actually do something or are you going to come home one day to them both dead because she wanted more attention off you. She sounds unhinged and your minising her behaviour here. She's annoyed because she was arrested.

Your child is 5 years, not 5 months. She could well remember this for the rest of her life. I certainly remember before 5, can't you?

She must have been petrified.

Time for you to wake up and take on this issue at face value

The mother of your daughter threatened to harm her. To get at you.

This is extremely abusive and highly dangerous

Get the woman away from your daughter asap, she needs to sort herself out.

Sounds very dysfunctional at best, do you want to continue a relationship with a woman that flies off the handle at you without any notice and then uses your child to threaten you, sounds horrible and a horrible environment for a child.

I have verified memories from 14 months old.

Don't think your child will not remember this incident and that she will be undamaged by it.

Step up man, protect your daughter from domestic abuse.

This is a very serious incident that needed to be logged. Pls don't rug sweep and involve social services! Well done for calling the police and stopping her from driving away! Do not let her blame you. She clearly needs help and is mentally unstable to threaten you like this? Does she have a history of depression?

Who is the main carer for your child? I would involve social services and see that she has no unsupervised contact with the child. Do you have family who can come and help look after your DC?

ginger apparently social services said no further action its gotta happen again for them to act

No child whose mother threatens to kill them and her self and grabs the child and runs out to the road is going to continue to be happy and thrive. That must have been terrifying. Stop minimising. It is a shocking thing to do to a small child. It's cruel, it's abusive and it has to have been be traumatising.

Can you imagine being that age and hearing your mother say she will kill you, she will kill herself, then she grabs you and runs out to the road. It's a horrbile thing to do to a child.

I am sure the OP will just think of himself and his wife above his child realise children are far to precious to be treated like this.

Op as you didn't give a statement, do social work even know about your wife threatening to kill herself and your child? Or do they only know that there was a domestic incident in which your hands were injured and your wife was arrested? If it's the latter I would strongly encourage you to make a FULL statement to the police and be absolutely honest and open about ALL that was said/ threatened. I live in Scotland where a Mother who threatened this also ran away with her three children before killing them to spite their father. I believe there were mental health issues but the reality of this situation is that your child was put at risk. She will be traumatised and will likely open up at school, if you have hidden any facts to protect your wife it will NOT look good. You MUST put the welfare of your daughter FIRST! Your wife either needs serious psychological help or she is an incredibly dangerous woman. Neither should be left in charge of a five year old girl! Please fix this QUICKLY!!! Your daughter needs you to PROTECT her! She must come first! This is no time to play knight in shining armour to your wife, things have gone too far! Yes she may need your love and support but can you honestly take the risk of coming home one day to her fulfilled promises? I couldn't and I adore my husband, but the minute her threatened suicide and murder of my children I would be focussing on my children. Please make sure that your wife gets assessed at a mental health facility, there should be an emergency number for your local crisis team to access support asap.

Don't, for a second, think that mothers can't kill their children or themselves. There are enough cases around. Where other people didn't think these women wouldn't do it.

But, even if she would never do it, the threats are serious enough.

Yes I'm curious, did you explain what she did, that's she threatened to kill your child and herself and ran out to the road ?

Here in Girona Spain a year ago a woman jumped from a window killing her 2 daughters with her. This person if we can call her that, was from a normal family, university degree, she used to work at the city hall..the people who knew her couldn t imagine anything like that. I m trying to say she was no junkie or had any visible issues. Yet she did what s probably the worst possible thing a mother can think of doing.. don t trust your wife. She already crossed the line. Read this: www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/mum-throws-two-daughters-deaths-6986939

You say that you have these arguments on a cyclical basis every 4/5 months! Unless you are living in a mansion I would be very surprised if this wasn't having some effect on your daughter. As a child of a relationship where there were cyclical arguements I would be saying that these will definitely effect her and that you need to put a stop to it now.

Your wife needs some help urgently. I'm sure she's not a bad person but saying that kind of thing doesn't come from nowhere. Couples counseling also is needed. This as a minimum. Both her behaviour and your attitude about what are obviously very heated regular arguements are concerning.