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Original poster

Ball is in his court....or is it??

60 replies

Frothyfreddie · 28/02/2017 22:59

So I have a gorgeous F.@k buddy. We both have busy lives and get to see each other usually monthly.

Last time we messaged FB asked when we would see each other again, he wanted to know would it be weeks/ months, I said I would buy him some cake for his birthday (that was about 7 weeks away at the time). He didn't respond to the message.... no big deal, I know he is still 'around'.

Anyway, the ball is now in his court isn't it?
Or do I text and wish him a happy birthday and ask him out for cake? I feel like he isn't interested in a woman who chases which makes me not want to text BUT it's s significant birthday so I don't want to seem like a cold bitch who wouldn't wish him happy birthday.

So.... do i text him with a simple happy birthday and leave it there? Or add an invitation for a coffee?

OP posts:
Arealhumanbeing · 01/03/2017 21:17

Did you message him, OP?

LesisMiserable · 01/03/2017 21:24

I think he would have been in touch before now if he was interested, either in f*ing you or something more.

I'd be tempted to think that he may have moved onto something else in this 7 week absence and seeing as you have feelings for him, I honestly wouldn't contact him. If it had any resonance with him what you said in your last message, he will contact you when you don't appear with cake (and sex) on his birthday. If he does, you know he wants to continue the connection, if he doesn't - well, that's that.

JK1773 · 01/03/2017 21:34

I'd message him, life's too short. If he does have feelings he'll have been pissed off at the 7 weeks later suggestion. If you see him just ask him if he'd like to see you more often. If he doesn't reply move on but don't please waste your life hanging around for him, like I said, it's too short

Original poster
Frothyfreddie · 02/03/2017 14:46

Hi - thanks for all your advice.

arealhumanbeing No I haven't texted him - yet! A few more days until his birthday, but I will text him a happy birthday, nothing more, then l will wait and see what his response is like (and how quick it is). Then I will hopefully know what is going to happen next based on his response.... which update in a few days x

OP posts:
Adora10 · 02/03/2017 15:44

From what you write he just wants a shag now and again with you, you clearly want more or else you'd not be here asking; I think you might be setting yourself up for a let down OP; sounds pretty much like he is definitely not wanting a relationship with you, sorry.

I'd leave the ball in his court permanently and find a man that actually is interested in me and not just sex.

Original poster
Frothyfreddie · 02/03/2017 16:07

If it wasn't his birthday then I would wait for him to contact me but as it's a significant birthday I don't want to be heartless and not wish him well. But I will always wonder afterwards if he had forgotten about me until I wished him well. Maybe I should text a few days after his birthday saying belated happy birthday so I seem a bit more blasé and not stalkerish Adora10 we both just initially wanted a shag so it's not just one sided. Although now I have feelings for him which isn't great but maybe he is hanging waiting for me to contact him as I was after all the one who said see you in 7 weeks (buy your birthday cake)

OP posts:
Adora10 · 02/03/2017 16:14

By all means wish him a HB, I just think you need to have all systems on alert as I think he may let you down.

Sassenach85 · 02/03/2017 16:23

Could it be that he's met someone?

rumred · 02/03/2017 16:24

Genuinely interested, why do you like someone who you believe is arrogant?

Original poster
Frothyfreddie · 02/03/2017 16:37

I don't think he has met someone else.... 1st reason we were initially FB's was due to lack of spare time due to work commitments. rumred. I'm not attracted to him because of his arrogance (he has only showed a slight arrogance, but I can tell it's there). He has had a very fortunate life and I think that makes him the way he is. I find his confidence very sexy

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 02/03/2017 16:57

An advantage of a FWB is avoiding this kind of angst.

NameChangedddd · 02/03/2017 21:22

You are over thinking this which in turns means you are overly emotionally invested and not really a FWB at all. He is a FWB; you are hoping for a relationship.

Best thing for your esteem and mental health is to walk away now.

If you don't want to do that, then I'd go for the suggestion further up the thread about sending him a light hearted sexual text about eating birthday cake off you or something like that. Something flirty and birthday related and light hearted - you 've got a bottle of birthday champagne and were thinking about the places it could be drunk from - or something along those lines.

This may be worth reading:

www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/turn-friends-with-benefits-more/

SparklingRaspberry · 02/03/2017 21:41

OP, just text him or forget about him.

You admit you have feelings for him, so continuing your FWB situation is no longer a sensible option.

Either tell him how you feel or leave him alone for your own sake.

He either tells you he feels the same and you work at a relationship together, or he tells you he doesn't and you move on now before it's ten times harder in 6 months time.

MagnumPieEye · 02/03/2017 22:01

I'd find it hard to believe he'd leave it 7 weeks without contacting you if he really wanted to see you. Be careful, OP.

Original poster
Frothyfreddie · 07/03/2017 21:23

So.. I messaged FB today, wishing him a simple happy birthday.... zero reply :-( I am trying to convince myself that as it's a big day for him that he is probably out celebrating with friends and family. But then I think...Don't most people in this day and age have their phones on or near them?

Disappointed .....but maybe I can now move on.

OP posts:
PineappleFwitters · 07/03/2017 21:26

Sorry OP, I went through the same recently. I thought we were having a good time but he suddenly disappeared and I suspect he's seeing someone who I know. Men suck.

Whisky2014 · 07/03/2017 22:48

Well, what is he supposed to reply to that?! Jeez....you could have said "shall I take you out for a birthday cocktail?" or some such thing.
I don't know why you don't just cut to the chase Instead of playing games

georgethecat · 07/03/2017 23:18

Just not that into you.....watch the film & don't take it personally.

Don't spend any energy on anyone who treats you as an option

Arealhumanbeing · 08/03/2017 00:21

You didn't say anything else at all?

There will be a lot of simple happy birthday messages on his feed today.

Sometimes it is better to just be honest (once) about your feelings. If you get the response you want, bonus. If you don't you can move on without wondering what if.

robinia · 08/03/2017 02:58

If all you said was Happy Birthday then either he's lost interest in you or he thinks you have lost interest in him - which may have come at the point when you suggested it would be seven weeks till you next met up. You'll never know which one it is unless you are a bit more direct in your approach.

MyheartbelongstoG · 08/03/2017 09:45

You are a fb to him that's all.

Send the text, don't send it, it won't change how he feels about you!

If he wanted to be with he would have told you surely. He probably knows that your into him too.
Why cause yourself this much angst over a text!

CheersMedea · 08/03/2017 11:32

So.. I messaged FB today, wishing him a simple happy birthday.... zero reply :-(

Oh dear! First rule of texting men is if you want a reply, make it a question!!!

[Sweeping generalisation alert!] Men don't tend to text in the same chatty way as women. If you send a woman "Happy Birthday" you will probably get a "thank you" reply - women are more socially engaged and more chatty like that. They are used to chatting to female friends for hours. Men aren't the same. Text a man "Happy Birthday" and I bet you 99.9% would think it doesn't require a reply.

You ignored the advice here which was to flirtily ask him if he wanted to do something birthday related. Whiskey's "shall I take you out for a birthday cocktail?" was perfect.

I wouldn't get too het up about it. If he wants to have sex with you, he'll get in touch.

SparklingRaspberry · 08/03/2017 13:28

OP just be straight with him. Stop over analysing everything.

Either tell him how you feel or walk away.

ToDuk · 08/03/2017 13:33

He probably knows that your into him too

How? I don't think he would have any reason to think that.

Bluntness100 · 08/03/2017 13:33

Maybe you've played it a little too cool and he thinks you're not that interested. However the ball now is in his court. I'd send a follow up text saying let me know when you fancy some cake with a winking emoji and leave it there. You've nothing to lose.

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