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Original poster

If you’re single would you ever share a room with a male colleague/if you’re not would you mind if your partner shared with a female colleague?

32 replies

user14874426999 · 28/02/2017 02:06

I’m single, last Friday was on a work night out and ended up with me and one male colleague last out, I had missed my last train home and he was staying in a hotel in the city and he offered a couple of times for me to stay on the sofa bed in his room. I was tempted (it was a very expensive taxi ride!) but in the end refused because I didn’t know him well enough to be able to tell whether it was a genuine offer or whether he would have expected more and even if it had have been genuine I think it would have still felt a bit odd and given the wrong impression to anyone who knew as he has a girlfriend. My flatmate when I got home though said she’d have stayed so now am not sure if I was being too cautious.

FWIW this guy has never tried anything or given any impression he was looking to cheat - I think it was probably a genuine offer but even completely platonic sharing would be weird for me if it was my boyfriend and a colleague of his I didn’t know.

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 28/02/2017 02:15

I wouldn't have stayed over in that situation with anyone I didn't know that well, full stop. Doesn't matter what your friend would have done. She's not you. Always do what you're comfortable with. FWIW I think you were right Smile

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 28/02/2017 02:24

I think you were wise not to stay.

scottishdiem · 28/02/2017 03:17

If you dont know them that well then its up to you. Both DP and I have great friends of the opposite sex for whom this would not have been a problem but they are well known.

I have let friends of the opposite sex stay at my flat when DP has been away but as its different rooms its a bit different.

You have to be comfortable - thats the main thing.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/02/2017 03:22

Friends? No issue.

One or two colleagues I know well and trust? Yes.

Random colleague? No.

Hidingtonothing · 28/02/2017 03:46

Just from a personal safety point of view I wouldn't have stayed with someone I didn't know and trust.

BottomlyP0tts · 28/02/2017 04:08

Only very well known by both party friends would be acceptable to me in a relationship.

When single only a well known friend again. Even then it would be odd

Lochan · 28/02/2017 04:14

No I would not share a room with even the closest of my male colleagues.

No I would not be happy about my DH sharing a room with a female colleague. (Which he would never suggest)

The reason isn't because either of us would be tempted or because either of our colleagues can't be trusted.

It's because sharing a room crosses a line. It's not appropriate behaviour between colleagues.

It also opens up either one to accusations regarding their character, behaviour and judgment.

Neither of us would do this in a million years.

That aside I'd never put myself in a position to be missing the last train home or being last one with one male colleague either.

People draw lines in different places but mine are clear on this. Friends are friends but colleagues are colleagues. I'd never let anything get in the way of my career.

SparkleSunshine201 · 28/02/2017 07:18

No I wouldn't be happy to go over to their flat for an hour let alone stay overnight with the opposite sex and I wouldn't be happy for my DH to either.

ToastDemon · 28/02/2017 07:21

No never at all, it completely crosses a line.

tinydancer88 · 28/02/2017 07:25

I would have done the same as you in that situation.

I can think of one male colleague who I might share a room with, but we've known each other for over 5 years and are friends as well - plus he's gay so I feel perfectly comfortable that there will be no 'expectations'! Anyone else, I can't think of a situation where that'd be the case.

Yeahfine · 28/02/2017 07:29

I wouldn't have stayed. I think you did the right thing. Ime especially with alcohol involved he might have made a pass and it could have got awkward.

Ellisandra · 28/02/2017 07:29

I'm with MrsTP - well known colleague yes, random no.

That's from a personal safety point of view.

Being single or not is not a consideration for me. I would only date someone that I could call and say "staying on the sofa in x's hotel room, see you tomorrow" and expect the reply "cool, see you then".

More of a consideration for me would be work reputation. If there was any chance it would damage mine through gossip, it would be a no for me.

Yeahfine · 28/02/2017 07:31

Re reputation, I'm afraid that if I heard that two colleagues had shared a hotel room I wouldn't believe for one moment that it was innocent.

Bluntness100 · 28/02/2017 07:32

No, I wouldn't have stayed either, even if innocent it gives the wrong message to others, and also I think could be a bit weird in the morning. Sharing a room is quite intimate really.

RoganJosh · 28/02/2017 07:35

I think it depends what the alternative was. If it was waiting in the cold and dark at 2am for an hour for the next bus then maybe I would.

hickorydickorynurseryrhyme · 28/02/2017 07:36

No i wouldn't have stayed. I agree with buttery muffin.

Original poster
user14874426999 · 28/02/2017 08:11

Thanks everyone - glad to heard it's not just me who wouldn't stay.

I think it was just that I wasn't 100% sure what I would have been getting into to - I can normally tell pretty easily but although I think he probably wouldn't have tried anything there were a couple of niggling things that made me think 'am I being naive that he's inviting me with no expectations, isn't 'come up to my room' generally an expectation of something?' (I know it's perfectly possible of course and not all men are looking to jump you but just how many times he asked/seemed to be trying to convince me rather than saying 'if you're stuck you can do this')

OP posts:
Holly3434 · 28/02/2017 10:35

I think he was being a gentleman concerned for your saftey as you missed your train.I would have offered my sofa to someone too with no expectations of anything, it's not like he's made any suggestions to want you.

user1479305498 · 28/02/2017 11:02

HA, Im an expert on this and have learnt to my cost that it can cause issues. My husband 11 years ago had a young assistant who used to go with him on overseas trips for work, its music industry and sharing rooms is common for cost reasons. I was always a bit queasy about it but was dictated to, "it is what it is" and told that " he wasnt interested" . In NOvember just gone, when he was away , I was looking for something in his desk drawers and I found a load of song lyrics/poetry and recorded songs too (that he played and sang on) about his longing/yearning for this person. It was very obvious and all done in our house when I was out at the office. So basically I had let him toddle off around the world for 2 years, sharing rooms with someone he had an obsession/the hots for who was 21 when he was 42 and it wasnt nice, stuff about wanting to escape, when we become one, there is only you and me when I look outside the window etc etc. Now he tells me it was all fantasy/in his head at a time when his head was in a bad place, his mum was dying and it was an "escape in his head" and nothing went on and to be honest I am very unlikley to be able to find out now the true score, so have to decide whether to live with it/move on (and he certainly doesnt like talking about it) or decide to stay "stuff you" (after 21 years) . At the time I was running the business for us back home full time and had a 7 year old and it was a struggle. At the moment this room sharing still happens with someone different, but she is a bit of a needy single mum and I have put my foot down and I have made her aware too of what i found, so she wants separate rooms in future as much as I do. What I would say is what starts very innocently can lead to other stuff particularly if socialising/drink involved and whilst it doesnt always, even the most grounded bloke can be tempted if his ego gets stroked or he is feeling down (my husband is one of the last people I would ever have suspected capable of this ) and no--we didnt have a bad relationship.

Happybunny19 · 28/02/2017 11:06

Absolutely no way I would stay in a bedroom with a man in those circumstances or be happy if my dp did.

It was kind of your colleague to offer the use of the sofa bed, but he probably felt responsible for you and would have been relieved you declined (unless he did have more in mind).

iamapixiebutnotaniceone · 28/02/2017 11:06

I think you did the right thing. Not only because it could potentially be a risk to yourself, also because you thought how his girlfriend/wife would have thought about it whether it was innocent or not.

Original poster
user14874426999 · 28/02/2017 20:00

I'm not saying he did want me Holly, just that I didn't know and going drunk to his hotel room seemed strsnge

OP posts:
Cricrichan · 28/02/2017 20:06

IF we were both single and knew each other very well, then yes.

Definitely not if one of us had an oh and especially as you don't know each other very well.

StumblyMonkey · 28/02/2017 20:09

I think you were wise.

I'd be massively pissed off if my DP shared a room with a female colleague and would not share a room with a single male colleague.

Wingsofdesire · 28/02/2017 20:11

Absolutely completely right not to go. I wouldn't.

Because:

  • You just never can tell what he might have been thinking by it.
  • Even if all totally innocent, your and/or his partner probably would have found it unsettling.
  • As you'd probably know that, then you might feel like you didn't want to say you'd slept there. Then your having to lie/deceive, which is not good.

and because I just watched Apple Tree Yard, OMG.

Seriously, though - so much easier and simpler not to have done it. I really wouldn't, even with a friend - I just kind of would feel it was too intimate a thing to do. Even just sharing a room.