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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Should I leave my boyfriend?

32 replies

squareclaire · 27/02/2017 14:56

Hi thanks in advance for any help, me and my boyfriend have a baby together, we argue a lot I have become very resentful of him, we have been together for four years and there have been a lot of problems first he has a daughter from a previous relationship who hates me whatever I do her mother also hates me,it became worse when they started accusing me of mistreatment of the child for no reason, I have my own kids so it makes me nervous, and in the end the kid accused my boyfriend of beating her to the police because she was mad at him for spending time with me, the police realised straight away it was lies luckily I said in the end that she couldn't be at our house anymore because I can't always have a target on my back. It would be ok if this was happening to us and we were a team but he has thrown me under the bus many times when it comes to his child, I know he's scared of having no access if he doesn't do what they tell him to but it's been three yrs of this, I am a nice person probably too nice and I have two amazing well rounded older kids that I want to enjoy. He is an everyday weed smoker I hate it he has agreed to not do it at home or be under the influence of now we have a baby but now he goes to his friends to do it until 1 am. He is very insecure and jealous and doesn't like me going out with my friends if I do he makes my life hell for days. He earns more than me but always runs out of money way before pay day which leaves me in a constant state of anxiety saving all I have to make sure my kids don't go without all month. It is all just running through my head at the moment all the time I'm the type of person to stay and make things work but I'm not sure I can live like this anymore I'm constantly angry and depressed .

OP posts:
WhatsGoingOnEh · 27/02/2017 14:57

yes

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 27/02/2017 14:58

Yes, in a heartbeat. It's not healthy for your kids or you to be in that situation.

SunnySomer · 27/02/2017 14:59

Absolutely yes.

ParisGellar · 27/02/2017 15:00

Yup. Leave him

Original poster
squareclaire · 27/02/2017 15:11

I have broken up with him a few times but I always have him back I don't want to be a single parent I'm always wondering if I'm over reacting as relationships are meant to be hard, I think I convince myself its me.

OP posts:
Foldedtshirt · 27/02/2017 15:11

Can you think of any reasons to stay?

Original poster
squareclaire · 27/02/2017 15:15

I would stay for my baby, I'm worried about him having access on his own if we break up, she's only 7 months old x

OP posts:
PassiveAgressiveQueen · 27/02/2017 15:15

Work out how being with him is easier than being a single mum, actual physical ways.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 27/02/2017 15:16

Relationships have ups and downs over the years, but they're not meant to be hard. If your bad days outweigh the good, or are even close to equal, it's time to go.

MrsGB2225 · 27/02/2017 15:18

Sounds like he is more of a drain than help!

troodiedoo · 27/02/2017 15:18

I can't see any positives for staying with this man. I think if you re read your op then you won't either. You and your kids deserve better.

hellsbellsmelons · 27/02/2017 15:20

as relationships are meant to be hard
Good grief - who told you this?
They can have tough times but they are NOT meant to be hard.
He's abusive and a weed smoker.
Get him out of your life!

Original poster
squareclaire · 27/02/2017 15:25

He does have a good job despite the habit, but he is drowning in debt, it's just giving him my baby on his own that's stopping me it would be making things better for me but worse for her

OP posts:
troodiedoo · 27/02/2017 15:35

Would you be genuinely worried about her safety if he were to have her on her own? Does he have parents who could supervise?

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 27/02/2017 15:44

You don't have to let him have unsupervised visits OP, if he smokes drugs.
He could see your daughter in a contact centre, or with family members, you would feel safe with.
Leave this loser, he won't improve with time.

Original poster
squareclaire · 27/02/2017 15:49

He had his daughter from his previous relationship most of the time because he took her and said he was the better parent but it was just out of spite I think, she just ended up in after school club when he was at work, was fed takeaway every night the house was a mess, he smoked weed every night, the girl ended up back with her mum after the accusations, I'm worried he will either try and take her out of spite, or she will have to go to his at weekends and will be living in similar conditions, also his child from a previous relationship has many behavioural issues and likes to harm animals and small kids at least at the moment I can supervise when we go and see her

OP posts:
Original poster
squareclaire · 27/02/2017 16:06

I live in the uk if he just refuses to give her back after access there's nothing I can do, except take him to court which i couldn't afford, he can be very spiteful and manipulative

OP posts:
troodiedoo · 27/02/2017 16:55

SquareClaire I think you need to get professional advice and support. You definitely can't go on like this. Flowers

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 27/02/2017 19:01

Claire, you need to speak to someone, you can get a free half hour with some Solicitors. You need to get away from this waste of space, sooner, rather than later, could you speak to Women's Aid ?
If you stay with him, you and your daughter, will be more at risk.
This can be sorted out, if you address it properly.
Someone will be along soon, with much better knowledge than I.
Please heed it.

Original poster
squareclaire · 01/03/2017 07:52

Thanks for the advice last night we argued and I tried to get something that was mine off him, I pulled on his coat, he grabbed my arms and I have marks all over them and a cut on my hand I think it was my fault though

OP posts:
Original poster
squareclaire · 01/03/2017 07:53

He has left now taken most of his things

OP posts:
carnationlilyrose · 01/03/2017 07:56

It definitely was not your fault!

Please call the police and report, it will definitely help you keep access of your baby if you can prove him to be physically violent as well as a drug addict.

I hope you're OK Sad

Original poster
squareclaire · 01/03/2017 08:46

I grabbed at his coat tho so I don't think they will do anything

OP posts:
SaorAlbaGuBrath · 01/03/2017 09:00

It wasn't your fault and they will listen, he left marks on you. I'm so sorry this happened to you Flowers

Joysmum · 01/03/2017 09:05

Take pictures of the marks NOW and call 101 and report him. You've already mentioned upthread you are worried about unsupervised access to the baby so it is vital that you have the authorities on your side in support.

Do it now, this is the most important thing you can do for you and your daughter.

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