I've name changed for this as I'm not sure if it's identifying. And sorry it's really long...
So for background, my DP and I have been going through a rough patch, not arguing or anything, but just not engaging with one another and basically avoiding each other. I'm pregnant and I've had horrible nausea which has been really quite debilitating for about 4 weeks now, I'm signed off work and I'm struggling. The struggle isn't helped by the fact that I am vomit phobic which has in the past made life very difficult with the resulting anxiety battle. I have been, for years now, fully on top of my anxiety and take a small dose of medication. This was discussed at length with my dr and midwife, both feel that this is fine for my pregnancy.
DP is struggling with the fact that I'm largely out of action, at the moment I'm focussed on getting through the day and this doesn't often include room for going out because I feel constantly sick and it's exhausting. I've accepted the fact that this won't last forever, it's just for this first bit. DP says my morning sickness is boring and in fact, as of last night, my whole pregnancy is boring.
He has two children from a previous relationship and they are with us on the weekends. We have a very stable family life and routine for the kids on the weekends and I muck in and do my share, the kids like me, we have a good relationship.
Last night, he came home with the kids in a funny mood (he maintains this is a lie), he goes to start dinner, kids go upstairs, I'm in the lounge. Kids start fighting, one starts crying. DP is up to his elbows in raw chicken so I go upstairs to referee (not unusual, to be honest it's usually me). Get the measure of the situation and sort it. Panic over, I go to go back downstairs and DP is standing at the bottom and starts telling me to leave them alone and stop shouting at them - I didn't raise my voice at all - and that he can't deal with it because he's 'stuck making dinner'. I tell him it's fine, I dealt with it, didn't shout, told him what happened, DP was not satisfied with this and thinks I just went up there to have a go. I walk away so as not to cause an argument. Same again at dinner, he starts telling me off for telling the children to sit down and wait for their afters instead of running around the kitchen like lunatics, no different to anything I would have said any other day in the same situation. So again I walk away.
Later in the evening he comes into the lounge and I get 'what's wrong with you?' And I tell him, nothing, but you've had a funny attitude towards me and the kids this evening and I don't appreciate you telling me off for normal things in front of the children. And then comes the argument, he tells me I'm a lunatic and he can't live like this anymore, that my anxiety is out of control and I'm crazy. I try to explain that my anxiety is fine and managed, I'm struggling with morning sickness and he is being very rude and mean. He strops out of the room, comes back 5 minutes later, still going on about my anxiety ruining his life and how I do nothing. He has a problem with the fact I'm on medication which far predates this pregnancy and he has a horrible habit of telling everyone about it, which is not his place, he did it this week so during the conversation I say to him 'it's not your place or your business to tell people about my medication, if I need to tell them I will' and then he explodes.
And this is the bit that really got me, the rest I can deal with. He stands up and shouts at me something along the lines of 'not my business?! You killed our last two babies because of your anxiety and now your going to go ahead and kill this one!' To which I looked shocked and disgusted and he continued 'go ahead and run to mummy and tell her' and flounced out of the room.
I've had two miscarriages in the past year. Neither of which had anything to do with my anxiety. One was a blighted ovum and the other a MMC which was put down to chromosomal abnormality.
But he carried on to tell me that all the drs have told him that it was my anxiety that did it. Which is utter utter crap. Needless to say I was devastated last night, I struggled to come to terms with the MMC and blamed myself for months, he knows this.
And today, he's acting as though nothing is wrong and I'm unreasonable for not wanting him anywhere near me. We were supposed to go to a family birthday this afternoon but I have no intention of going now, I'm thinking of going to stay with my parents. Not that I can tell them why because they'd be so angry.
So now I'm pregnant, hopefully, if I haven't 'killed this one too' and can't stand the sight of the father. What a mess. Anyone have any idea where I go from here?