Panicking about ttc

[LovelyUnicorn83]

I posted last week. I have a two kids aged 14 and 8. Ive been with DP 3.5 yrs And they call him dad. Recently we decided ttc but im doing it to keep him happy and give him a child. Im feeling anxious about it all

Yes. That's why I said don't do it if she doesn't want to.

Was only pointing out my current delight because I spent the first five years of the relationship adamant that I would never have another kid, reluctantly deciding to put it in the hands of fate, cried with despair when I found out I was pregnant and spent the first few months of pregnancy quite miserable. People change and adapt to situations.

Sorry, are you advocating the op ttc a child she doesn't want because once it's a done deal she'll have no choice but to be happy about it? Surely nobody would give a woman such advice. She doesn't want another child so the best course of action is not having one. How could it be otherwise.

Does he fully understand what having a newborn is actually like?

What I can see happening is you both agreeing to have the baby, he finds it really tough and isn't the great father you expected, he leaves and you are left with a child you never wanted.

I don't understand why you'd risk it.

Obviously any marriage or relationship can break down but having a child with this man does not guarantee that you can 'keep' him. Quite the opposite in fact. Having a baby changes things.

MorrisZapp I'm not advocating anything, just presenting my own experience of a similar situation.
I repeat, if she doesn't want to have a baby then don't. That simple. Wavering with indecision will drive you crazy.

God yes, listen to Mol1628

In this situation you would be the most bitter, resentful person ever. I wouldn't even slightly risk that

Sure autumn, there is no specific evidence of that, but it's a possible scenario OP has to consider- that she might end up raising any baby totally alone.

OP, one thing that I note is that your reasons for having a baby seem to be around your partner 'deserves' it/ you want to give it to him/ he's better than your past partners. You've said nothing at all about being drawn to the idea of another baby yourself.

Undersecretary On the last thread she had no desire whatsoever to have another baby (or child), really didn't want one at all. Then later that day they had chatted and she had decided to have a baby.

Go figure.

Just going to brush over the odd fact your older children are calling your boyfriend of three years dad?!!

If unsure, don't.

You were troll hunting and mumsnet knows I'm not a troll?