is it worth 'trying to be friends' on this basis?

[pinboard]

Began re-kindled r'ship last Oct.
For 1st two months he bombarded me with 'lost love of my life stuff'
(we were a couple many years ago) by phone /email. It was really OTT.
Then, on week 9, I get: 'this isn't right, we must only be friends.' Only he doesn't say that, he just disappears for a week (after 4 x a day contact) and then says it. I felt really upset and that he was disrespectful to me.

So, early Jan we meet, circumstantially, as friends with other people around and it's nice but it's also awkward for me as I still feel pretty hurt by the behaviour end last year. Unlikely to happen again.
I still feel a spark but can see there is no future in anything other than friends. I tell him he hurt me a great deal end of last year and I'd like him to say sorry and then we can go forward as friends, as he wishes.
Only, I am still waiting.
He has been drip feeding a 'visit' (we live quite far apart) which keeps getting delayed (for partially genuine reasons and partly he is ducking it)

12 days ago I get a snarky reply to an email of mine re this 'meeting' plus a promise to call that eve. I then make my own email reply which corrects a lot of inaccuracies in his. I don't get a reply, or the call that night.

This is what I get, 12 days later:

'sorry to have been out of contact for a while. Been busy at work.
You may have good grounds for criticising my behaviour. But you are the only person I interact with who devotes a large % of each communication to criticising me. You might want to ponder whether this is counterproductive. I may be able to meet up but it is unclear when'.

Obv there IS no 'relationship'.
But is it even worth still trying to be friends, on this basis?
Do I try to talk to him about it?
Do I just say: 'happy to meet if you in area' (he wont be, unless for me)
Do I just not bother replying?

Blindsided is understandable.

But don't allow yourself and your future to be defined by two shitty men and two shitty relationships.

You need to do some work on your self esteem. What are you good at? What makes you happy? Can you build in more exercise for an endorphin boost? Can you get away with friends or family?

Did I rightly understand that he was offering you a role in his life where you're kindly allowed to give him advice on minor issues that he may or may not deign to take? I don't see how you could resist an offer like that

However glad you may be that your marriage ended, it's still perfectly natural to feel a gap in your life where a partner should be, until you get thoroughly used to it (I've likened it before to having a rotten tooth out - it was hurting and would make you ill, but your tongue keeps going to the spot a tooth ought to be). An ex coming back into your life can feel as though they would fit that gap. Don't fall for the illusion. He's not a good fit at all. You've grown up in the decades since you were a star-struck youngster, while he's remained the same pompous self-centred ass. You can do better for yourself, even if "better" means getting a hamster for company.

It sounds like he's using you to prop up his self-esteem when he feels like it but but doesn't really care about yours.

If you do reply send a one liner ending all communications not a long essay of your feelings.

Then get on with building up your own life. Being single is great.

'periodic friendly advice from you on what to do or not to do but which is unlikely to make a dramatic difference to my life

He doesn't need a relationship, he needs NetMums,

-cos I don't think there's a TwatsNet and we certainly don't want him here!!

Delete his numbers and move the hell on at a million miles a second

He is a monumental twat and you are worth way better than him!

I've read this on here before and I liked it so thought I would add.
'You are asking the wrong question. You shouldn't be asking WHY a fuckwit does what they do. You should be asking yourself WHY you think you don't value yourself enough to put up with it.
He is no mystery waiting to be solved. He is just your normal standard arsehole.
Detach detach detach

You can do better for yourself, even if "better" means getting a hamster for company.

Love this Annie 🤣

I'm imagining a daughter of mine who's around your age, and how her life would be limited forever if she were to choose a partner around my age. I would lie in the road outside her house and scream , if it would stop her.

Oh, life is way too short for that nonsense. Just get rid.

OP, I have to admit I haven't read the full thread, but one thing stood out for me: you were asking yourself if you should change. No! If you have no trouble in all your other relationships, friendships etc..., then there should never be any need for you to change yourself.

Someone who is not manipulative, game-playing or a twat in any way will love and accept you the way you are, not try to mould you into what they want you to be.

Tell him to fuck off

What Lou said!

I think yorkshire has hit the nail on the head. His wife clearly had the sense to dump him so he's looking for a compliant nursemaid slave in his old age!

Absolutely tell him to fuck off. By the way my dad and stepmother were 50 when they met. They've been married 10 years now and are very very happy.

It's not too late to meet someone decent xx or at least have a twat free life!