is it worth 'trying to be friends' on this basis?

[pinboard]

Began re-kindled r'ship last Oct.
For 1st two months he bombarded me with 'lost love of my life stuff'
(we were a couple many years ago) by phone /email. It was really OTT.
Then, on week 9, I get: 'this isn't right, we must only be friends.' Only he doesn't say that, he just disappears for a week (after 4 x a day contact) and then says it. I felt really upset and that he was disrespectful to me.

So, early Jan we meet, circumstantially, as friends with other people around and it's nice but it's also awkward for me as I still feel pretty hurt by the behaviour end last year. Unlikely to happen again.
I still feel a spark but can see there is no future in anything other than friends. I tell him he hurt me a great deal end of last year and I'd like him to say sorry and then we can go forward as friends, as he wishes.
Only, I am still waiting.
He has been drip feeding a 'visit' (we live quite far apart) which keeps getting delayed (for partially genuine reasons and partly he is ducking it)

12 days ago I get a snarky reply to an email of mine re this 'meeting' plus a promise to call that eve. I then make my own email reply which corrects a lot of inaccuracies in his. I don't get a reply, or the call that night.

This is what I get, 12 days later:

'sorry to have been out of contact for a while. Been busy at work.
You may have good grounds for criticising my behaviour. But you are the only person I interact with who devotes a large % of each communication to criticising me. You might want to ponder whether this is counterproductive. I may be able to meet up but it is unclear when'.

Obv there IS no 'relationship'.
But is it even worth still trying to be friends, on this basis?
Do I try to talk to him about it?
Do I just say: 'happy to meet if you in area' (he wont be, unless for me)
Do I just not bother replying?

He IS pompous, yes. And intellectually arrogant.
He made me practice my cutlery before the first time he took me to dinner so I 'didn't embarrass him' as I recall.
I have always been the Eliza Doolittle to his Henry Higgins
But, like Eliza, I cant seem to get him out of my bloody head.

Why would you even spend the time of day with him?? He sounds like a right manipulative bellend. Block, delete, move the fcuk on and find someone nicer!

AnyFucker - thanks for that!
Fair comment re 'totally desperate' if you think I must be to consider this. But
I didn't think so, no. I've come out of a miserable 20 year marriage during which I never so much as looked at anyone else and I cant imagine looking for anyone else now.

He was so perfect last year. For all of 9 weeks. Then, this. And I don't understand why, so I cant process it, so I feel stuck in it, iyswim?

Okay I'm upgrading him to a cunt.

Don't waste your time asking yourself why he keeps popping up to be a cunt again.

Or do actually - it's because he CAN.

And he CAN because YOU'RE LETTING HIM.

Delete his last cunty little message, delete, block, ignore and move on to a happier life without him popping up in it.

He, meanwhile, will continue to be a cunt.

Just in case you ever wonder.

Well, keep chasing after this guy and any thoughts of being a sorted single woman with her head screwed on are dropkicked right down the swanny

Your choice

Why are you putting yourself through this? Is your relationship history so bad that your life is better with him in it, than not?

Oh op, practising using cutlery, that's so so sad. Why did you put up with that?

OP - I thought you were in your twenties.

Cmon lady! You're better than this.

You came out of a miserable marriage and are simply desperate to swop one misery for another

I recommend you do the Freedom Programme. Putting your self esteem in the undae hands of men like this is utterly self destructive

Just detach. It isn't worth it and you won't solve the puzzle. He has issues and can be quite unpleasant, clearly, so why bother trying to figure it out? He's not going to change.

*unsafe

What jayho said.

Just don't reply. Forget about this twat.

Kitten I was 20 when I met him. I am nearly 50 now. But I feel 20 again (not in a good way!)

Yes, my relationship history is bad. I don't think I'm desperate to swop one misery for another but I certainly find it impossible to believe that things could be any better? This just seems to be the way it is, for me.

re the cutlery thing - given my experiences in my family of origin, the cutlery thing didn't seem so bad at the time. When I met him recently though we sat in a museum café and he licked his yoghurt lid and then his fingers and I thought - you bloody old hypocrite!

So, I understand why I was prey to a person like this, and why I am perhaps still vulnerable / he isn't good for me, but I feel like a rabbit in the headlights.

I live quite remotely. Can you do the freedom thing online?

Have you posted about him recently?

Yes, You can do the Freedom Programme online

So he's almost 70 and acting like this?

Ok here's the situation quite plainly-
he didn't like you enough yo leave his wife for you
He then a second time didn't think you were good enough
He's now keeping you dangling on just in case but still saying you aren't good enough for a proper relationship with him

Please - treat yourself a little better. How can you be friends?! This guy has no respect for you and sees you as someone he can pick up and put down when he chooses. Friends don't use each other.

Don't respond to him. It will drive him nuts and he'll periodically try to 'bait' you back into his game but this time you will know his game and stay away from him

He sounds like a complete twat and a 70 year old one to boot. Surely you can do better than an OAP who sounds as if he's in his second childhood?

Oh and eventually you will (hopefully) see that HES not good enough for you!

It isn't the way it is!

Otherwise I'd still be wondering about the on-off flip flopping twat I was seeing last year and not my lovely new bf. or one of the many other cuntish twats I dated

You can stop making the same mistakes and you can break relationship patterns. You deserve to be happy with someone who is kind to you.

Start by telling yourself that until you believe it.

Cut out this twat and any other twat that shows the remotest sign of twattiness.

You'll be happier AND twat resistant.

Leaving you in a brilliant place to eventually meet a NON- TWAT who is lovely to you.

Or if you don't want to get too bogged down in it all just try this:

NEXT!

One of my favourite words ever.

Kitten
Yes, I see what you are saying, I do. I just struggle to believe it.
I wasn't looking for another r'ship. It just blindsided me.

He was married before and didn't tell you? Now he is acting like a cock?

I think you know what you need to do. RUN! RUN FOR THE HILLS! AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!

Oh yeah, and you're 50 and he's 70 now. Before long you'll be nursing him. Is that what you want?