I would really appreciate some opinions on a situation I am in with my husband. So I am 46 and after twenty years together, over the past eighteen months we have been slowly moving towards a separation. He has declared that he is no longer 'in love' with me (although he does love me), the attraction has gone and we haven't had sex in almost a year. I have accepted all this - although I'm sad, and would be prepared to work on it, I can't do it alone. He is unwilling to try to make things work, won't do counselling or anything. He feels it's impossible to get that initial attraction back. And I know he is keen to have other relationships.
So the issue is that we have two lovely DSs in their teens. They are going to be completely devastated by the news that we're separating. To avoid this, my husband is suggesting that we should not tell them the truth until they have left home, and keep things looking normal until then. That's five years away in our younger DS's case. In the meantime, we would both be free to have other relationships, but keep them secret obviously, and we would both accept our relationship is over and co-exist as friends/co-parents.
I can't get my head around this. On one hand I would go a long way to avoid hurting my DSs. On the other, I don't think I can spend the next five years pretending to our kids and the world in general that everything's fine while dying a slow emotional death inside. I don't think I'm capable of having secret relationships outside our marriage as he seems to feel he is. I don't know if I can carry on hiding my feelings from my children.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Would really appreciate thoughts on this...