So my STBXH left 8 months ago and since then have discovered a whole world of pain related to his infidelities and financial dishonesty. We go to court on Tuesday to resolve our financial issues.
4 months after he left I'm at home after a glass of wine thinking "I'll just see what all this fuss is about Tinder". So I download the app, put myself out there because I'm intruiged to see what my "market value" is and wow! Amazingly despite the fact that I'm 42 and don't filter any of my pictures I'm getting matches with men in their 20s. They say lovely things to me, they tell me I'm beautiful and ok most of them just want to get in my pants but I'm fine with that! I don't want a boyfriend! I arrange to go on a few dates and feel great about myself for the first time in years.
One of the people i'm chatting with is funnier than the rest. We click and he seems to really understand my sense of humour. We chat online for three weeks then we meet up. He's looks just the same as his pictures and I really like him. We have a great night. He's 40 and his two kids are the same age as my two kids. I tell him I don't want anything serious as I'm not even divorced yet, he agrees. Three weeks later he tells me he wants to be my boyfriend. I love spending time with him and feel happier every day.
He seems very different to my ex. He accepts when I feel angry or annoyed and apologises if he's done something wrong. He listens to me. He tells me I'm beautiful every day and after three months he tells me he loves me.
This should all be a dream come true but I feel in my gut that it's too early to be in another relationship with someone else. On Valentines Day he cooked me dinner and we had a great night together but I couldn't help feeling sad that the year before I was with my ex, blissfully ignorant of his lies.
Yesterday my sister was visiting and we were up late drinking wine and watching crap TV. She lives a five hour drive away so we don't get to see each other that much. New guy hasn't met any of my friends and family yet because we both have kids, jobs and hobbies so we meet maybe two or three times a week and we live half an hours drive away from each other so meeting friends just hasn't cropped up yet. New guy is a paramedic so he works long hours and he suggested he could come to court with me on Tuesday but I told him it's not a good idea and so now he's working that day. This week I've been stressing about going to court. I haven't told many people but he knows. Last night he sent my sister, who he's never met, a facebook message (he's not friends with her on facebook he must have found her on my friends list) saying that he thinks she or my parents (who also live five hours drive away) should be with me at court on Tuesday as he's working and can't be there.
This has totally shocked me and I feel like he's sticking his oar in where it's not needed. He hasn't even met my sister. She's known me 41 years, he's known me 4 months. I told him I found him sending her a message a bit weird and maybe we need to put the brakes on seeing each other at the moment. It feels like he's trying to control me but I may be over reacting because of the way my ex treated me? I really don't know if this is OK or not? Help!
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Relationships
New boyfriend too soon after marriage break up - advice please
Sammyhb · 19/02/2017 23:14
Who doesn't need an ego boost?
But tomorrow you are one step closer to showing your stbxh, and any future partners that you are strong (we all have wobbles), and you can perfectly manage without any man. If you choose to then be allowed into your life, you can say with confidence 'i dont need you to be here, i choose to allow you to be '. Very empowering op.
Now get some sleep and kick some arse tomorrow in that court 
He told you he set the alarm and set through it.
If it was that common for him to sleep through alarms (twice in 4 months?) he'd be late for work pretty frequently.
I call bullshit on that one - I very much doubt he slept through alarms at all.
I think you've done the right thing, dumping him for not giving you the space you wanted - let alone the other stuff, especially trying to micro manage your life for you!
Good luck in court today 
go in remembering that you don't take shit - you just proved that! 
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