Dear MN, Please give me some good comebacks

[SundaysFundays]

It's one of those. I've had a nice cordial relationship with this other mum at school for a few yrs. Our two DS's were good friends. We meet at pickups, have a bit of a chinwag, bid eachother farewell and go home.

For whatever reason, I noticed other mum started to pull back for a couple of reasons that will make this thread too long, but one to do with the fact DS has SN and the other I think she thought DS might spoil her son's academic chances.

Anyway, live and let live I thought, her DS can be friends with whoever he wants, although I felt a bit sad. In the last two years I've noticed other mum commenting more and more on my clothes.comments like, 'You look really warm in that' , or 'I knew it! I knew Sun will be all wrapped up,' drawing the attention of other parents in the process.

On these occasions I've nearly died of embarrassment. January of 2016 after Xmas I bumped into this mum and her first comment was about my coat. 'Why are you wearing all that?' . It was the first week back at school after Xmas, I was in my usual parka coat, with a scarf round my neck and hat on. Most people at pickup were dressed the same. It was a freezing, foggy afternoon. Hope everyone's getting the picture now?

My last encounter was I think last week this January (we had one freezing week before suddenly the warm weather appeared) I was again wearing my usual coat with a scarf but no hat. Her first comment was, 'when I stepped out of my door this morning, the first person I thought of was you! Cue her DS giggling.

'Why?' I asked puzzled, '
Her - because I knew you're always cold!
Me - but it's January, and you yourself are wearing a coat and hat....
Her - But you're always cold, I k ew you'd be wrapped from head to toe....walks of laughing with her son.

It's seems this woman for whatever reason just gets of ridiculing me for some reason and it's really annoying me now. I wouldn't dream of commenting on how someone I'd dressed unless it was to compliment them. My coat is just a normal coat, nothing odd about it, I often wear trousers underneath, with boots. A jumper on top or a shirt. To me I look like every other mum at pickup.

Please give me some good non aggressive but sharp cutting replies to shut her up for good.

[NoArmaniNoPunani]

'when I stepped out of my door this morning, the first person I thought of was you!'

I nearly stepped in shit this morning and the first person I thought of was you

[SharkBastard]

I'd look at her blankly and say "gosh, you're an odd one"

Actually I wouldn't say that, I'd tell her to fuck off cause I'm a wanker like that. No time for passive aggressive bullshit!

And you know what, it IS fucking odd why she obsesses over something so bizarre. What a weirdo

[DarklyDreamingDexter]

Fair enough, in that case choose your favourite put downs from the excellent suggestions here and hopefully they will shut the bitch up! My suggestion....."well at least I don't look as if I got dressed in the dark!"

[SundaysFundays]

Darkly well at least I don't look as if I got dressed in the dark!" Ouch!

[Imi22sleeping]

Just say wow you really need to get a hobbie/grip if the first you think of is me or something else like thats really flattering you think of me so much but you do know im married /with someone /not intertestes in you like that might shut her up

[winkywinkola]

SharkBastard, you sound great! No messing.

[StrawberryShortcake32]

You could either say
' really? When I step out the door I think about me too! '

Or if you are feeling brave..
'Yep' hat, gloves, scarf, hot water bottle in my pants, I'm good to go! '

[SootSprite]

The MN tinkly laugh goes very well with a condescending look and a head tilt. Practise it at home in front of a mirror and then unleash it.

[Roussette]

Beat her to it. As soon as you spot her say "I know you love my style, but stop keeping on - I am NOT going to give you my coat and scarf however many times you beg me!"
Then laugh along with everyone else.

[Specialagentblond]

What I should advise you to do is ignore her, but I think patronising her would be much more fun.

Maybe, next time you see her say 'I was thinking this morning that you will comment on what I was wearing. Me and DC are placing bets on it'

Or just decide whatever she says is a compliment, so respond with Thank you, you always notice what I'm wearing, you are sooooooo observant!' Stick a head tilt in for good measure.

This could be so much fun x

[Normandy]

I call them on it, usually with a question in return.

"Why are you so bothered with my dress?"

"Do you mean to be so rude?"

It calls her on her behaviour while making you not look like a dick. If you rise to the occasion and say something snotty it only validates the bully's bullying (in their mind).

[SundaysFundays]

You lot are great! So many fantastic comebacks here, I'm spoilt for choice . I just need to unleash one now, the rest I'll keep in my pocket for a rainy day

[dangerrabbit]

Just say "that's nice", Mrs Brown's boys style.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=JddNDtC-Yrs

[AlphaBites]

dangerrabbit That clip is brilliant - I just snorted out loud and accidentally woke DH

[FlowerOfTheValley]

And your point is?

Yes I am wearing a coat and that is interesting why?

The kids are in the school, you may find they are more on your level.

[ExplodedCloud]

Buy a big woolly hat that folds over several times. Sew "Fuck off stalky lady" into one of the folds and turn your hat down when you see her.

[BridgeRiverTower]

Wow, you really do think a lot about me, don't you?

Or just come up with one universal response for every time and repeat it until she gets the idea that she's being tedious or boring.

I always wish I had like a buzzer or foghorn to sound when someone does some irritating repetitive shit like this and then when you know it's coming you just sound the fog horn as a pre-emptive strike and walk on by like nothing happened. Or is it that just me?

What a wanker.

[BridgeRiverTower]

Haha I love "fuck off stalky lady" sewn into your hat. Much more civilised than a foghorn.

[CondensedMilkSarnies]

Is this you Op ?

[omnishamblesssssssssssssss]

I really wouldn't bother with getting wound up and reserving some snappy comeback. You'll be doing what she wants.

Just change the subject to anything else. 'Oh look there's a robin, how sweet, look at it's lovely red tummy'

Or just look uninterested and say nothing.

Don't feed the monster

[BridgeRiverTower]

Oh no, omni! Being sensible makes for rubbish threads and a boring life.

I'm all for FUCK OFF STALKY LADY and many other of the witty repartee noted here.

[omnishamblesssssssssssssss]

I would probably quite enjoy pointing out the most boring thing! 'Oh look there's a crisp bag on the floor' or 'oh that reminds me I must put the bins out'

[TheStoic]

Have fun with it. Layer on so many jackets, scarves and hats that you look like the Michelin Man.

[noego]

"Buddha was speaking in a village square one day, when one of the inhabitants started to abuse him. Buddha paused and said to the man, "If you offer me a piece of paper and I refuse to accept it, what happens to the paper?" "Why, it stays with me, of course," the villager replied. Buddha smiled gently, "And that is exactly what I am doing with your abuse," he said. "I am not accepting it, therefore it stays with you."

[Only1scoop]

Knit her a Balaclava and parcel it up with a 'do us all a favour' label.