Single after an awful lot of years - how to learn how to flirt again?

[HTCPCPTEA]

Flirt isn't really the right word, but not quite sure how to express it. Was with now ex-H for 26 years (we got together when I was 21) - split up some months ago after a difficult few years. I've now got to the place where I'd definitely be interested in someone anyone to sleep with another relationship.

But I think I've totally lost the plot on how to do this! There's a rather attractive bloke I know, and a couple of times he's made comments I could have picked up on & I just totally closed down (eg mentioning he hadn't seen a film when I was expressing interest in it, not exactly anything but might be IYKWIM - 30 years ago I'd have said 'I'm going next Tuesday &'ll have space in the car if you wanted to see it & were free' - I just randomly carried on the conversation with someone else there). There's been a couple of other similar situations (different person)
Has anyone else had this problem after being in a relationship for years and years. Or am I just weird ???

Oh come on noego. One really does have to take some things personally, surely.

Oh come on noego. One really does have to take some things personally, surely.

Oh no one doesn't springy. A person can choose to take things personally or they can choose not to. I choose not to. simples :)

I find flirting a mysterious planet. If I actually like someone that way, it's probably obvious from space; there's certainly no mystery - I seek them out and chat to them more than anyone else (assuming they seem happy to continue said conversation). Any romantic overtures must come from them though, because I have difficulty imagining they could possibly be interested in me. All this talk of body confidence and IDK what is like another (scary) world.

If DH left me I'd probably spend the rest of my life happily alone with books and cats - DC may visit occasionally

Cruntie your post cracked me up.

I completely understand what you mean op. I was single for years before I met my husband. If someone I liked chatted to me it would feel like my brain had been scooped out of my head and my words had all disappeared in my mouth.

So I settled for smiling lots at someone and lots of eye contact. 'Mirroring' someone is always mentioned on body language things.
Looking at someone's lips when your are talking to them. And yes being super interested and asking lots of questions.

You'd know I fancied someone if you knew what to look for when it comes to me: the complete opposite of my usual chatty, friendly self.

Noego, I'm sorry to say it but that's just dull for everyone else. We all like a bit of up and down in life. You keeping yourself inured and safe to save your feelings doesn't give us much, anything, to go on.

Always happy, always smiling, always peaceful, always calm, always joking, Always seeing the funny side. full of life. In touch with all of the senses, vibrant, young at heart. confident, loads of self esteem, cheeky, open, honest, mischievous, aware, spiritual.........
ooo that all sounds very egoic, but it comes from my enlightened inner being and not my body mind identity :)

When you truly don't what anyone thinks of you, you have reached a dangerously awesome level of FREEDOM :)

I can only smile Trills :)

As you see HT, the problem with flirting is not just "how to be flirt" but "how to distinguish between polite, friendly, and interested".

Unfortunately, how your behaviour is interpreted is often more to do with the interpreter than it is to do with what you are actually doing.

Some people are of the opinion that everyone is interested in them, regardless of their behaviour.

Some are oblivious to all but the most obvious hints.

"If someone I liked chatted to me it would feel like my brain had been scooped out of my head and my words had all disappeared in my mouth."
That's it entirely PamDoove.
I take your point Trills, but if there's chat about films, and I say I'm thinking of going to see film X, but haven't got anyone to go with - then person Y says 'Oh, I haven't seen film X, do you think I'd like it' - the best response might not be "actually, I think you'd hate it" and then to move the conversation on. I"m not convinced anyone is going to interpret that as "HTCP really likes me" . . .

Snort. I get your there HTCP.

Flirting has always been about interpretation of signs/signals, from one to the other and these sign's/signals can be misinterpreted. I wonder how many relationships have not happened because of this misinterpretation or indeed how many relationships have gone awry because of misinterpretation?

Reminds me of a quote........

"I am aware that I am less than some people prefer me to be, but most people are unaware that I am so much more than what they see"

Another quote

"Kindness has become so rare these days it is often mistaken for flirting"