Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Update on husband wanting to sleep with other people- turns out he has

49 replies

User2410 · 18/02/2017 11:27

I wrote a post a few weeks ago, H going through police training and said he needed a break after a week being away. Left me dangling and saying he wasn't sure whether we could work things out. That he hadn't slept with anyone else but was open to the fact that it would happen if we carriEd on being apart.
We spent a weekend together without kids and we've been sleeping with each other when he's home. I asked him if he wanted to see me this weekend or if we should just give it some time until he clears his head but he said we would see each other. So he came home and ended up having sex. But it was different he was rough and forceful. Then we had a chat where he said he felt bad for what had happened because his feelings weren't clear still. He said that it was the kids who were getting in the way of us fixing things basically. We have a 5 year old and 2 year old. And this question just eventually came out of my mouth. Have u slept with someone else. And he said yes. A year ago when working away. Don't even think he usEd a condom. I feel sick and violated. I guess this is the end.

I know I only have one option and that's to move on with my life.

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 18/02/2017 11:28

There are so many things wrong in what you have just described. I'm so sorry.

TheStoic · 18/02/2017 11:30

Blaming the kids?

Wow. That's a new low.

I'm so sorry he's done this. You must be hurting terribly. :-(

ImperialBlether · 18/02/2017 11:33

I agree - all of that sounds wrong on so many levels.

You're right - you need a life without this man. Given his attitude to his own children, I'd assume he wasn't going to spend much time with them, either. What a prize prick he is.

Do you know how to find out all your entitlements and child maintenance?

IgnatiusReilly · 18/02/2017 11:51

I'm so terribly sorry. I remember your previous thread - your DH is really trying to do a number on you.

You must be devastated right now. Do you have anyone in RL you can talk to?

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 18/02/2017 11:58

I remember your last thread. So sorry. Yeah I think you need to move on. Firstly, it is never going to work with a man who is jealous of his own children. Secondly he's cheated, once I doubt it? They tend to minimise massively. Three, the being rough with you Hmm you are absolutely right you need to move on. You deserve better.

Bob19701 · 18/02/2017 12:01

Blaming his own children !!! ...What a selfish waste of space as a man and father , get shut and never look back .

EmilyRosanne · 18/02/2017 12:05

Sad that's awful. You and your DC deserve so much better, and I say that as someone who stayed with a man for 7 years that was no good for me, I would try to leave many times and he would end up winning me over, so I do know it's much easier said than done but you will be so much happier when you do.

How can he possibly blame the innocent children that he went off with somebody else?! Disgusting! Angry

FritzDonovan · 18/02/2017 12:07

He's a bastard. Flowers
He also sounds as if he's anticipating doing it all over again.

His choice to be apart because of his chosen career, yet it's the kids fault? What a loser. He doesn't deserve you and the kids.

Thewikileak · 18/02/2017 12:09

You need to stop sleeping with him for sure.

EightiethElement · 18/02/2017 12:11

oh boy. Make sure you don't get stuck with 100% of the childcare when he goes off to lead his new shagging life

Costacoffeeplease · 18/02/2017 12:13

What a bastard. They're all so fucking predictable

I can't see you can come back from this, and take a trip to your local GUM clinic for a check up too

GeekLove · 18/02/2017 12:15

You also need to get a STI test

Serialweightwatcher · 18/02/2017 12:15

Agreeing with "he's a bastard" - so sorry Flowers

ChanandlerBongsNeighbour · 18/02/2017 12:21

Sorry op, what a shit situation Flowers

MinesaLattecino · 18/02/2017 12:23

how 'forceful'? Did you want to carry on or stop? Did he know the answer to that question?

Miserylovescompany2 · 18/02/2017 12:26

I'm sorry OP, you've basically allowed him to use you as a fuck hole! He removed himself emotionally a long time ago. Pick up what's left of your dignity and self respect from off the floor then kick the sorry excuse for a human being out of your life.

He despises you and your children. He most likely has a deep seated hatred for all females.

SuperFlyHigh · 18/02/2017 12:26

Sorry what a terrible situation but at least you've found out the truth. Flowers

He shouldn't be blaming the kids, you need a new life and also an STI test.

Thinking of you. Is there anyone around in real life to give you support?

justanotheryoungmother · 18/02/2017 12:34

I'm really sorry OPSadFlowers

NeedsAsockamnesty · 18/02/2017 12:43

So he's randomly changed his mind about having kids when the kids already exist.

What a prick.

PoorYorick · 18/02/2017 12:46

What a useless cowardly fleshwaste.

Dadaist · 18/02/2017 12:46

That's just horrible OP- I'm so sorry 🌹

southall · 18/02/2017 13:09

From his perspective since the kids were born there hasn't been enough sex in the relationship.
Im sorry your marriage has to end with him cheating on you.
Seems obvious he regrets having kids.
I would guess he never really wanted children, but did so as it is the expected thing for married couples to do.

OliviaStabler · 18/02/2017 13:11

I'm sorry OP, you've basically allowed him to use you as a fuck hole! He removed himself emotionally a long time ago. Pick up what's left of your dignity and self respect from off the floor then kick the sorry excuse for a human being out of your life.

Sorry, but this ^^

MusicIsMedicine · 18/02/2017 13:38

Why is he blaming the kids for him sleeping with someone else?

southall · 18/02/2017 14:05

"Why is he blaming the kids for him sleeping with someone else?"

He wants his old life back, before kids. When it was just him who got all the love and attention (and lots of sex). Quite immature and doesn't deserve to have kids.