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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is my boyfriend a twat or AIBU

49 replies

pixiehollow · 16/02/2017 20:32

I'm 15 weeks pregnant with severe morning sickness and 2 DC, I've been managing the past few weeks by forcing food down whenever I can. And I was managing just- I ate something funny on Tuesday and havn't managed to eat anything since for constant puking it also triggerd my IBS 😬. I'm so drained and tired.
When he gets in from work he will refuse to do anything for me, just tonight he's in the kitchen making our son a drink and I asked if I can have a glass of juice he says yes you can come make one!!
What! I am hardly a demanding girlfriend not materialistic at all but that's not a lot to ask, I've been struggling to eat anything or keep water down and kept asking him to bring things home that will make me feel better but he hasn't.
I feel like having a massive strop
But at the same time I don't want to piss him off and I don't even have the energy, don't get me wrong on weekends he does do things for me, brings me food and helps out with our son, he works 10 hours a day and so refuses to so any housework, I can't wait to start feeling better, it's not my first baby and I've struggled with all my pregnancy's but I just want him to look after me just ONCE after struggling all day on my own 🙈🙈

OP posts:
NewPuppyMum · 16/02/2017 20:33

Don tell want to piss him off but it's okay for him to treat you like shit?

moonchild77 · 16/02/2017 20:34

Op that's awful. He should be at your beck and call when you're this sick. You are carrying his child. He sounds like a massive wanker. Hope you feel better soon.

Soubriquet · 16/02/2017 20:36

He's a twat

And he should be doing housework too

10 hours a day is nothing. If he lived alone he would still be doing the housework

Stop facilitating him and make him be a partner and a dad

mrscrocopop · 16/02/2017 20:40

He's being a twat. Sorry.
You are ill and need his help. End of.
Hope he pulls his finger out and that you feel better soon xx

HandbagCrazy · 16/02/2017 20:40

He's an arse, a very selfish, lazy arse.

He shouldn't be 'helping out' at home - he should be doing his share of parenting and housework as the kids and house are half his.

You shouldn't even need to ask him to look after you - he should be doing it naturally. Go nuclear and tell him to step up or fuck off!

AnnettePrice · 16/02/2017 20:48

He is being an insensitive twat. If he doesn't start pulling his weight you could end up in hospital and then he would have to work, do all the housework and look after the DCs.

IBS can be brought on by stress and it isn't good for you.
Speak to Your GP if your not even keeping water down and you are having IBS symptoms.

I see you said about drinking juice, is it low FODMAP friendly?

hickorydickorynurseryrhyme · 16/02/2017 20:58

You poor thing. He doesn't have a clue does he? I know how bad it can be. Morning sickness can be terrible. I would tell him that his attitude towards you is out of order.

HughJarss · 16/02/2017 21:03

What a fucking dick!

Sweets101 · 16/02/2017 21:05

Umm that's really not good OP. Has he always been mean, nasty, seeking to put you in your place like that?

Lilacpink40 · 16/02/2017 21:07

He's being a twat.

Why not try sitting him down for a long chat whete you explain how ill you are, pregnancy aside, and that you need a small amount of extra consideration, to include food and drink. Do that every evening until he sees it will take him less time to help you then to have that conversation.

Happybunny19 · 16/02/2017 21:10

YANBU in any way whatsoever expecting the father of your unborn child to support you while you are pregnant and suffering. I really feel for you, as I was the same with all 3 DCs and particularly with my last. I felt like death for months and wouldn't have survived without the support my OH provided. You have every right to throw a proper big strop Flowers

anxiousnow · 16/02/2017 22:54

You don't want to piss him off? Op that's awful. You are carrying his child and are ill. He shouldn't want you to end up in hospital and should be doing those things without you having to ask. Not that you should have to but sit him down and explain to him how draining pregnancy, looking after DC, being ill, sickness can be. Have you anyone else irl that can help like a mum, sister? Hope you feel better soon.

IrregularCommentary · 16/02/2017 23:01

Parenting is 50:50. Before the baby is here, that means you do the tiring and uncomfortable bit of being pregnant and growing the baby while he facilitates that by looking after you.

No ifs, no buts.

FatOldBag · 16/02/2017 23:08

Lazy, selfish cunt! He's acting like he doesn't like you. I'd tell him to fuck off - he can do all his own housework at his own place.

Beelzebop · 16/02/2017 23:30

Are you worried what he will be like OP if you piss him off? Xx

OneWithTheForce · 16/02/2017 23:32

Why do so many women accept such shit standards in partners? Sad

MommaGee · 16/02/2017 23:33

Oh OP hes being an utter twonk. Are the other DC his? Just wondering of he was like this with those pregnancies or if this is his first and he thinks your milking it.
Can anyone talk to hom, say they're worried about how poorly you are etc sp he knows it's for real?

And fwiw on not pregnant and of DH was in the kitchen and o asked him to grab me a drink he would. There's no excuse for your P to be a dick

Againagain97 · 17/02/2017 04:21

He helps with our son at the weekend

You have two DC, is he not the father to the other? In which case, does he not help with that child?

He sounds awful

Hope you feel better soon.

Original poster
pixiehollow · 17/02/2017 07:12

He isn't my eldest father, so dosnt help much with her, but is brilliant with our son. But that's it, I've said to him I will end up in hospital as I did with my others, we have argued a lot in the past which can get nasty so I want to try and avoid that at all costs. He does act like he dosnt like me at all I've said this to him. He has even said he dosnt like me when I'm pregnant. I know he's a selfish cunt but how on earth do I get him to see that is his duty to look after me?
I feel he's more botherd about work than he is about me. He dosnt even ask how I am while he's at work.
I still didn't eat last night so I'm still back to square one. He hasn't brought any food home so this morning I need to get my self and my 3 yo to the shop. I'm worried his lack of help will make me depressed which I got with our son! We had only been together a short amount of time and he wasn't actually living with me back then, I ended up in hospital, lost so much weight and I can't say he realy seemed to give a shit whatsoever. I don't like feeling so reliant on somebody I just wanted others opinions realy, I feel like he thinks I'm doing it for attention. Or being lazy Envy

OP posts:
Original poster
pixiehollow · 17/02/2017 07:17

I also remember with my son, his sister was pregnant at same time obviously she had a perfect pregnancy... and still went to work. He said to me your shit at being pregnant, asif I choose to be this sick. Asif it's all me or in my head. This is why I've tried so hard to manage on my own. He knows I have bad pregnancy's.

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 17/02/2017 07:28

I'd be tempted to sit him down, explain that if he ever wants sex again he needs to take responsibility for the complications of pregnancy; that if he gets a tummy bug, will he like you leaving him to stew and telling him he's crap at having tummy bugs; tell him that if he lives alone he'll need to work and do house work and childcare. Tell him he is preparing the way for that to be his reality- living on his own with part time children, housework, no one to look after him and no sex!

NewPuppyMum · 17/02/2017 07:31

Don't do what pickle suggests. It's very juvenile.

Fighterofthenightman · 17/02/2017 07:34

He sounds awful. Don't have any more children with him.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/02/2017 07:56

Pixie

re your earlier comment:-

"I know he's a selfish cunt but how on earth do I get him to see that is his duty to look after me?"

You won't and sod with being the undemanding girlfriend as well. He does not see you or your eldest child (he is truly a lousy example of a stepfather to that young person) as being his duty. He will only really "care" for the children that are biologically his and will continue to ignore your eldest. Some men do use pregnancy as a way to further keep their intended target in check and under their overall control.

Do not continue to subject your own self and your children to someone like this man. You would be better off raising your children apart from him.

OneWithTheForce · 17/02/2017 09:11

Christ love stop flogging a dead horse. Get out and find a man who knows how to treat people!! Seriously, cats deserve better treatment than this. What sort of example are you setting your daughter for how she should expect to be treated? Dump his ass and treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated.

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