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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

no contact, is he uninterested?

74 replies

beebeecee · 16/02/2017 15:31

Very new relationship, 2 months or so. He's currently on half term holiday with his sister, bro inlaw and their three dcs.

We had a lovely date the night before he left and he's now been away almost a week. We've made plans to go on another date next week, after he gets back.

Meanwhile, I haven't heard a dicky bird from him. No phonecall, text, email, nothing.

AIBU to wonder if he's still into me?

OP posts:

Shayelle · 16/02/2017 18:21

Call me old fashioned but I dont think its the right thing to do, chasing (yes even sending a text) a guy.
Know ill get flamed for that!

ShatnersBassoon · 16/02/2017 18:24

It's nothing like a red flag. The man's only been on holiday for a few days. You normally only text to arrange something, and you already have something arranged for when he returns.

Purplebluebird · 16/02/2017 18:25

Personally I think you're probably overthinking it :) Some people are not great at keeping in touch when travelling or whatever it is. My other half certainly is not, but he's not any less into me just because he's quiet! (I hope, haha )

elastamum · 16/02/2017 18:31

Dont over think it. Just txt him if you want to, or wait til he gets back.

FWIW When I was first dating my DP he disappeared for 10 days - he was in Senegal - apparently he thought he had messaged me through the internet but it never went. Fortunately we weren't playing the you txt first game - otherwise that might have been it! Six years on we are very happy

KatieScarlett · 16/02/2017 19:50

I never put on my data roaming when abroad. So no calls or texting.

ThisIsTheRightTime · 16/02/2017 20:03

I'm in a new relationship with a man who lives an hour away. We both have children too. We get on beautifully when we see each other, sometimes have a phone call which lasts for hours but we are inclined to text each other on average once every two or three days. Sometimes it'll be more but generally we don't feel the need to do so more frequently for the time being. It doesn't mean we're not into each other.

xStefx · 16/02/2017 20:05

If the very last thing you heard off him was " can't wait to see you " then your definitely over thinking it. If you want to txt him saying " how's the holiday going ?" I don't see a problem with that. He may be playing the waiting game just like you xx

Original poster

beebeecee · 16/02/2017 20:17

Thanks for the replies and I'll stop overthinking it!

Just as a matter of interest, would it be the same if we'd been in a relationship for a year?

OP posts:

Original poster

beebeecee · 16/02/2017 20:31

I realise that by posting that, I'm still overthinking it!

OP posts:

Emboo19 · 16/02/2017 20:33

I've been with my boyfriend over three years and he never texts, unless he needs to ask me something or make arrangements. He'd much rather a face to face conversation than one via text or even a phone call, it's just how he is.
I did worry at first although he'd always reply to texts from me he'd never really encourage conversation.

On the plus side when we're together he's also never on his phone, unlike me looking on mums net while he's seeing to a unsettled baby!

MyheartbelongstoG · 16/02/2017 22:01

I wouldn't play the I'm not texting first game.

It's a bit strange he hasn't texted.

champagneplanet · 16/02/2017 23:00

I'd just text him, just send something lighthearted and see if he replies.

Does his phone actually work abroad (assuming he is abroad after you said he was at the airport)?

Original poster

beebeecee · 16/02/2017 23:50

Yes he's abroad. But I've decided to wait until he's back. As pp have said, if he's interested I'll know.

OP posts:

anxiousnow · 17/02/2017 00:00

Aw Beer you are over thinking. Hopefully after a year it would be different simply because you would feel free enough to text first. It isn't desperate or chasing to text first. Just send him a breezy how's the tan coming along, I'm here in thermals hope you're having fun or similar easy text. Chasing would be if he didn't reply and you turned stalker acting annoyed or constantly texting with no reply. Chill. He hasn't done anything wrong. He's with his family and may well be sat there over thinking too

Original poster

beebeecee · 17/02/2017 00:04

You're right, I know! Haven't been in the dating game for ages. Last relationship was 5 plus years and I've forgotten what the initial stages are like.

OP posts:

anxiousnow · 17/02/2017 00:10

I over think too but as everything it's easier to see in someone else. So will you send a text tomorrow? Just a chilled one

Original poster

beebeecee · 17/02/2017 00:15

I'm not sure. He's back at the weekend so would it seem a bit desperate? I'd be so chuffed if he got in touch when he gets back rather than because he's responding to my initiation. Bloody hell, I sound like a bloody teenager!

OP posts:

RubyBluesey · 17/02/2017 00:30

Just send him a nice casual text, ask if he's having a nice time away

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 17/02/2017 01:11

Leave it (ie don't text). And please don't over think it. I rarely call or text DH & Dkids when I'm abroad working for 4+ days.

anxiousnow · 17/02/2017 02:15

Bee, if it's his last full day tomorrow he might be busy so might not get a chance to reply. If that will make you over think more then maybe don't risk it. Not because it's needy just simply him not replying may make you take it the wrong way. Either text in the morning so he has a chance or text when back but honestly it doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about Do whichever you think you can handle.

CondensedMilkSarnies · 17/02/2017 02:31

I think all this texting/not texting malarkey must be responsible for some new relationships failing whereas in the olden days when we had to make do with a proper phone conversation , they would have stood a chance of succeeding.

There is so much analysing and second guessing about whether to text , how often , why haven't they replied etc that it causes unnecessary stress and instead of speaking to each other , the fate of the relationship is determined on a few words that may or may not have been sent via text.

Text him or better still call him , if he's keen then he'll be pleased to hear from you .

ladyfromvenus · 17/02/2017 02:53

I wouldn't text him, I'd leave him to finish his holiday. I don't think there's a texting game going on, some plans to meet have been made so nothing to be anxious about and best to just have positive thoughts. He will likely be in touch when he's sorted himself out and back at home. Hope all goes well and you enjoy the next date.

InTheMoodForLove · 17/02/2017 04:18

I've done OLD on and off for over two years. Men with kids always disappear when during half term and even on their week end with kids, they cannot multitask by the look of it

( Personally I see it as a massive red flag, as I am a full time single parent an somehow expected to be in touch, if they forget this very basic fact when they have their own kids they can sod off )

However this is not an excuse and anybody can find a minute if they want to keep in touch. It is a sign of things to come.

You should feel able to send him a text "miss you - can't wait you are back - to see you again" type of thing. If you feel you can't do that, you want him to chase, feel insecure, maybe that's a red flag too. You shouldn't feel so invested and doubtful at this stage, really.

Interestingangelfish · 17/02/2017 04:29

Some people just aren't at all in to texting. As a furious over-texter myself I tend to find it unsettling at first, but when I've made my peace with it then it is oddly liberating.
That said, given that you are in a relationship with this guy (albeit a very new one) then there is NOTHING wrong with sending him a text if you feel like it (not a text proposing marriage, and not 200 texts every hour, but just, you know, a text). If that puts him off then he is honestly not worth having anything to do with. I kind of hate the way that as women we can be made to feel that any unsolicited contact from us will be so clingy/repulsive that it will rightly "cost us our man". Who wants a man who is repulsed by the occasional text?

hmcAsWas · 17/02/2017 04:33

For me, if this was taking up so much headspace I would just send him a light, breezy text asking him how his holiday is going. I don't get all this shall I / shall I not angst - if he likes you he'll be pleased to hear from you

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