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Original poster

AIBU? Because I've totally lost perspective. DP and lying.

82 replies

DianaMitford · 15/02/2017 22:49

Please can someone advise me whether or not I'm being completely unreasonable?

DP and I have been together for a year. He has lied throughout this time. It's stupid stuff - like I walked in on him masturbating and he swore blind he wasn't and even "showed" me his phone so I could see the screen. He'd hidden what he was actually looking at.

Then one day we were playing a game with my dd and he claimed he wasn't looking up the answer on his phone. Dd told me later when we were alone that he had indeed been looking up the question. She was sitting next to him so could see the screen. Again, he lied and lied until he was forced to confess. I forgave him.

Now the big one. He works away a lot and we made a pact that neither of us would masturbate during this time. The idea being we'd feel closer to one another and it would make his homecoming all the better. I have stacks and stacks of messages telling me how horny he is, how he could go this length of time without an orgasm, reminding me that I couldn't, etc etc. Something didn't feel right and after some probing today he admitted that he had masturbated. He's now "ashamed", "guilty", "embarrassed", doesn't know why he lied, it got harder to get out of - I'm sure you can all imagine.

There's no doubt that he's sorry and he's sworn that he will never lie to me again. I just can't stop going over all the messages he sent lying about it and I feel absolutely stupid for believing in him.

I've cried on and off all day and I feel ridiculous for that too - but I accept the way he's made me feel. This is a very serious relationship and I don't know whether to just get the fuck on with it or whether something else needs to happen.

OP posts:
OverTheGardenGate · 15/02/2017 23:53

What bothers me is the lying. Why not just tell me????

Because it's not really your business and why should he? And why are you kicking up such a stink about it? For feck's sake.
Why should he have to tell you? It's private and personal and does not reflect on his relationship with you at all.

Blokes wank when they feel like it. Maybe even moreso when they are away from their partner whom they are missing.

He's going to start thinking you are a bit weird and controlling if you carry on with this sort of wank police issue.

PennyPickle · 15/02/2017 23:53

Yet another weird thread. How old are you?

measles64 · 15/02/2017 23:58

This reply has been deleted

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ShootFruit · 16/02/2017 07:11

Measles Op has a posting history here

passingthrough1 · 16/02/2017 07:31

If I walked in on my DP doing that I wouldn't ask if that's what he was doing and then engage in a conversation about how he can prove he wasn't and how I didn't believe him, I'd just quickly leave the room. It's none of my business and he wouldn't have to "admit" to a very normal thing to do.
Pact is ridiculous but fine, it wasn't your idea. But again I don't understand how you got into the ins and outs of did he keep to the pact or not, and you don't think he did and then he keeps lying ... just leave it at a "on you kept to your side of the bargain, oh good I did too" (wink wink) ....?!

Velvian · 16/02/2017 07:36

I agree; it's none of your business. Don't trouble yourselves with each others private habits, it sounds like hard work.
Take a step back & chill out.

DanGleballs · 16/02/2017 07:39

Some people have a fetish of being forced not to wank, by will power or some actually use cages around their cock Hmm

Maybe you need to find someone with that fetish as they might even find this thread a turn on.

It seems quite common at the moment, considering that this isn't the first thread on this subject in the last few days

TheNaze73 · 16/02/2017 08:18

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Cherrysoup · 16/02/2017 11:58

Phone call after phone call, day after day? Are you asking him constantly if he's keeping his no wanking promise?? You sound very controlling, OP, I'm not surprised he lies to you about other stuff.

RatHammock · 16/02/2017 12:00

Oh god not this again. Bloody half term.

DistanceCall · 16/02/2017 12:10

If you make an unreasonable agreement, it's completely normal to lie. What you are doing is extremely controlling.

You're deranged. Which is not completely surprising given your username.

PowerPantsRule · 16/02/2017 12:23

I get it OP. Think you are getting a hard time here and it's mainly because we had a half term wanktroll on, the other day.

It's the lying that gets to you. What people are missing is if you disregard the wanking bit, he cheated in a game, in front of his DD, and then kept denying it.

That would really annoy me and sets a very bad example to your daughter.

InTheMoodForLove · 16/02/2017 12:25

is this a S/D relationship ? But even so, you are not a very good Dom if you cannot handle a rebellious slave

DistanceCall · 16/02/2017 12:27

What people are missing is if you disregard the wanking bit, he cheated in a game, in front of his DD, and then kept denying it.

And the question is, why does he feel he has to lie to his wife all the time? Could it be - his wife is unbearably controlling and the man lies as a reflex reaction now?

SparklingRaspberry · 16/02/2017 12:59

Not gunna comment on the rest of your post, but my god no wonder he feels the need to lie when he can't even have a wank without having to tell you Hmm

That's not normal OP.

NorksAreMessy · 16/02/2017 13:02

is this the 'wankerchief' man?

P1nkP0ppy · 16/02/2017 13:05

For Pete's sake, it's half term isn't it?
Not in the slightest bit surprised lying is his default, it must be like living with his mother ☹️

P1nkP0ppy · 16/02/2017 13:05

For Pete's sake, it's half term isn't it?
Not in the slightest bit surprised lying is his default, it must be like living with his mother ☹️

ageingrunner · 16/02/2017 13:06

At least masturbating is spelt correctly for a change Smile

PopcornBits · 16/02/2017 13:12

Promising each other that you're not going to masturbate suggests you don't like him doing that? And perhaps you feel a little irritated that he would resort to that rather than coming to you?

Either way I think you need to stop. You can't force someone to promise they won't touch themselves, unless it's some kind of domination/submission thing you have going on? Then I really think you have an issue with him masturbating and he's lying to you because he doesn't want to do the whole pact thing you believe you both agreed to.
Clearly the guy wants to masturbate, so let him, that's what they do, there's really nothing unhealthy or wrong with it, other than it's obviously affecting your self esteem and if that's the case then that's your problem, not his.

ohdarling · 16/02/2017 13:18

Sorry OP, but this no-wanking agreement business is just plain childish.

He is also a bit of a liar (not based on the wanking agreement, but based on lying to your dd), so you need to decide if you can keep ignoring that.

ExitStage · 16/02/2017 13:30

So you made him feel 'ashamed', 'guilty' and 'embarrased'? That's actually quite abusive that you harassed him to that level.

Here's an emotion you should feel. Ashamed.

CrokerCourtbullion · 16/02/2017 17:01

Unfortunately OP, I don't think you're going to get many sensible answers because the wank pact is a bit odd! It's hard to judge where the problem lies - whether it's his silly lies or with the probing and forcing 'confessions' for stuff that was a bit silly to begin with. Do you have any other examples of his lying?

greenfolder · 16/02/2017 18:00

If what he had lied about is masturbating because you told him he couldnt do it the problem is you.

Beachedwh4le · 16/02/2017 18:07

His behaviour seems pretty normal Tbf, your reaction is a little less normal, I think you should leave him, he'll be happier in the long run and you can look for a guy who is gonna say yes when you ask if your bum looks big

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