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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH never wants sex - just hand jobs and oral.

41 replies

tenbygirl · 28/02/2007 17:06

Seriously I don't think we've actually had "proper" sex in 2 years. I sometimes initiate sex and sometimes he does - but we never actually have intercourse.

We used to years ago, and I don't really think I was boring during it - lots of different positions, etc. I'm quite adventourous.

I just don't know why he's not interested, I've tried saying that I feel like sex rather than a handjob when we're starting but he just ignores me!

One of my mates said he's maybe gay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
tiredemma · 28/02/2007 17:08

selfish is more of the word I would use.

NAB3 · 28/02/2007 17:09

Don't do anything.
Does he do anything for you?

Overrun · 28/02/2007 17:11

that sounds difficult for you. Is he particularly tired? Maybe taking the lazy option, but tbh if I were you I would be really worried about this. Sorry that is not the most helpful thing that I can say, but I think you need to really tackle this.
Perhaps you have let the situation continue for so long because you are scared of getting to the bottom of this?

Original poster
tenbygirl · 28/02/2007 17:13

He's quite happy to go down on me and I always have an orgasm so I guess it could be worse.

OP posts:
maycontainstress · 28/02/2007 17:14

I think my dp would like to have a lot of attention like that. I have to get mine too so I normally give him some attention then stop and say 'my turn'.

I think you should address this, he is very selfish IMO. You have needs too tenbygirl.

maycontainstress · 28/02/2007 17:15

Oh then maybe it is the lazy option, ie, the quickest route to an orgasm?

I think a talk about it is a good idea, that is if he will talk about it, I know some get too shy to discuss things like that.

mumto3girls · 28/02/2007 17:18

What do you mean by 'he ignores me?' Do you never actually say, 'hey I want sex tonight'?

I could never let someone brush my requests aside like that without expecting a major explanation.

Does he watch alot of porn? Perhaps he has become very desensitised and needs the feel of your hand or mouth to orgasm?

Original poster
tenbygirl · 28/02/2007 17:24

Or maybe I have a bucket vagina - oh my God!!!!! Well I had a c-sec so hopefully not.

If I say I want sex, we will end up in bed, but never actually get as far as sex.

Think he looks at porn on the internet a bit.

OP posts:
nailpolish · 28/02/2007 17:31

er excuse just because you have a vaginal birth doesnt mean you have a bucket vagina

Original poster
tenbygirl · 28/02/2007 17:33

No I know it doesn't.

Just meant that there should be even less chance of me having one. Maybe I should ask him though........

OP posts:
mumto3girls · 28/02/2007 17:34

I wasn't casting aspersions on your vagina!! I just reda that men can need more hand stimulation if they are regular porn users...

I can't belive you have NEVER in 2 years asked why he doesn't want intercourse anymore...?

nailpolish · 28/02/2007 17:34

it wont be that tenbygirl

itll just be pure laziness

how about doing it with you on top? thatll be perfect for a lazy man

Original poster
tenbygirl · 28/02/2007 17:35

Well I'm going to ask him tonight. I know I'm a coward for not asking him earlier.

OP posts:
nailpolish · 28/02/2007 17:36

good luck and i hope you get a straight answer

Original poster
tenbygirl · 28/02/2007 17:37

Its funny 'cos when we first starting dating (he was 38) he wasn't that keen on hand jobs or blow jobs and said he never came that way as he felt too self concious. Maybe he's making up for lost time

OP posts:
mumto3girls · 28/02/2007 17:37

Well, perhaps he has a problem(?) in which case it had better be discussed ASAP.

I it's not too personal do come back and let us know!

nailpolish · 28/02/2007 17:38

tenbygirl - maybe he didnt like them before as the ones had had were shite

maybe you are just too good at it

Original poster
tenbygirl · 01/03/2007 09:10

Well I asked him and he tried to laugh it off. So I told him I wanted to know - and he said he didn't know why and walked off and wouldn't talk about it.

So have no idea.

OP posts:
morningpaper · 01/03/2007 09:12

Does he have Performance Isshooes?

Ovun · 01/03/2007 09:17

I was wondering that too, MP. Some men find it easier to get an erection with masturbation or oral sex. Could this be the case?

madamez · 01/03/2007 09:28

It may well be that he finds it easier to maintain an erection with oral or manual stimulation, and he's a bit anxious about this. Is he BTW taking any medication for things like heart problems or hypertension which can have a bit of an effect on getting it up? Another possibility could be him having issues at some level about you getting PG again - were your DCs planned or unexpected? Do you want more LOs
Erm, you don't actually have to answer those questions if you don't want to, natch, but it might help to talk them over with your DP.

morningpaper · 01/03/2007 09:33

Did you have an emergency c-section or a planned one?

mumto3girls · 01/03/2007 10:12

I don't think he can really just avoid the question. What would he do if you just refused the handjobs until he explains?

lazyline · 01/03/2007 14:38

Maybe something happened last time you had sex and this has affected him and he is wary of trying again.

Do you give him blow jobs without a condom? Maybe he has an STD.

Original poster
tenbygirl · 01/03/2007 17:36

Well he doesn't seem to struggle getting an erection at all. Not taking any meds.

We don't use condoms for anything - I've been sterilised, so no chance of more kids.

I had an emergency c-sec, but that was 6 years ago, I don't think he was traumatised by it....?

OP posts:
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