DH never wants sex - just hand jobs and oral.

[tenbygirl]

Seriously I don't think we've actually had "proper" sex in 2 years. I sometimes initiate sex and sometimes he does - but we never actually have intercourse.

We used to years ago, and I don't really think I was boring during it - lots of different positions, etc. I'm quite adventourous.

I just don't know why he's not interested, I've tried saying that I feel like sex rather than a handjob when we're starting but he just ignores me!

One of my mates said he's maybe gay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The first thought that spring to my simple mind is that, providing you have an otherwise strong and happy relationship, he is perhaps caught up in a mental fantasy while you are in the act.........

Maybe he just loves re-living it in his mind. Don't you feel you can just ask him about it?

Message withdrawn

Sorry, I realise you have already tried talking.

I think he need to tell you what's up as it clearly is a slight concern for you. I'm afraid you might need to withhold to get your answer. Choose the moment. Keep it light. Start with alcohol

To be honest I don't think we do have a very good relationship.

We never do anything together - don't even watch TV together. He will go and work on his computer so I've got used to watching TV by myself or surf the internet.

He rarely does anything with me and DD at the weekends. Will either do DIY or go climbing.

He won't even commit to coming on holiday with me and DD this summer. So I've ended up bookign a campsite without consulting him (told him after). Its all I can afford as I'm a student. He didn't come on holiday with us last year either.

He barely speaks to me most days.

Sweetheart, a long talk is desperately needed. Thats not living thats getting by. xxx

I've tried and he won't talk.

Then, maybe for your own sake (it will just escalate over time) you will have to find some way of getting his attention and holding it. You will need to be prepared for the same reaction again but it is a good thing that you have that to base your next move on. Anticipating his reaction means you can use all your powers to think of a way to dis-arm him.

Flattery, humour, being relaxed and friendly and choosing you language with extrememe care might work. Try making it out to be your problem you wish to discuss and not saying anything that makes him feel in a corner. Do it on neutral, public ground (restaurant) for the least chance of it blowing up into a loud argument or him storming off.

HTH

I'll try it - thanks FG.

Sorry to hear that things aren't brilliant at home TG. If he does spend alot of time on the PC it may ( only may I stress) make the porn/fantasy idea more believable...?

To be honest I would withold any action until he can at least talk - not as a punishment, but just say I'm willing to make love in my preferred fashion but no shortcuts at the moment.

It does seem like this is perhaps a symptom of other issues with your relationship though...so a good talk about the future is my recommendation. Good Luck TG.

I feel like you are doing all the work in the relationship and he is just kind of 'existing' within your framework- does that make sense
He needs a wake up call - he needs to make you happy or at least show that he is willing to try
I feel that the sex thing is probably just tip of the iceberg.

Agree with other posters that you need to have a chat because there's something wrong here. Mind you (and please don't take this as a criticism of you) the problem is within the relationship not just that he's a bad person in some way. Generally it's easier to sort out stuff like this if you put it to the other person as a joint problem that needs a joint solution rather than "you have to change because I'm not happy" which makes people dig their heels in.
Good luck

I'd worry about the relationship more than the intercourse thing, tbh - the intercourse thing may just be symptomatic, iyswim.

(I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting intercourse, just wanting to do other things as long as both partners are happy with it. I'd also say that oral and hand jobs are still sex!)

In 2 years?!

I'd have separated and shagged someone else, tbh.

He wants oral and handjobs?

Tell him to go feck himself.

Oral and handjob both covered.

The only way to find out why is a heart to heart.

Some men are put of by childbirth (whatever method) Maybe he has an irrational fear that you could get pregnant again and he doesn't want you to go through that again?

You'll have to find a way to get to him to talk , not an easy task!

Hope you get some resolution though x

As someone else says, the sex issue sounds like only one symptom. Think you both need to talk - about everything, not just sex. God, if my dh walked away from me when I was trying to broach something like this - I'd be furious. Good luck getting him to open up.