Do decent men date single mothers?

[ChampagneSparkles]

I've been single for a year and a half now and have a 1 year old DD.

I want to get back in to dating but I'm worried about mentioning my DD in case this puts men off. I'm not looking for someone to replace DD's dad. I just want to see a few guys, no sex and just get to know people and build my confidence.

I'm in my mid 20's and quite attractive. Can I still have a successful relationship in the future with a great guy who can accept that I have a child from a previous relationship?. I have no evidence that the best men out there prefer childless women. But I'm convinced it's true. I don't want to be with a loser.

Agree with you pounding I've said as much before. As long as the interaction is light and casual the children will not develop a strong bond. I have sp friends who have kept all exposure to a potential long-term partner totally non existant and then have suddenly brought the partner in full on, once they decided they wanted the relationship to continue. Twice I've seen it turn sour when the would be partner realises they do not like the reality of messy family life and a partner who is not always glamorous, and not always patient, and not always attentive, and children who may not be sweet 24/7.

Also keeping a man away because he might be a danger and then suddenly giving him the green light doesn't prevent him being a predator.

Op there sre loads of men out there both single and single with children who wiuld have no rpoblems dating asingle mother. I know a friend of a friend who had 5 children and finally left their father after years of emotional abuse. She met a lovely guy with no kids of his own and they have been married 6 years. His family are great! His parents looked after the children when they went on their honeymoon. You need some time on your own to work on your self esteem. In fact good things tend to come when you're not looking for them or worrying about it. So get on with living your life, do new things, gain new hobbies and you'll find you generate plenty of interest. You may find too much actually! But the secret is living each day with gusto and being busy and developing the self.

Agree with you again pounding. My dc has met a couple of boyfriends over the years, in a casual sense. Hes also met lots of my friends, colleagues etc. We have a social household-his friends are always welcome, so are mine.
My current partner is the first one to ever sleep over all night, or be in dcs life in any significant way, but they met early on, partly because dp is child free, and I needed to know he got the realities of my situation (full time parent, no EOW dad in the picture).

I also know some single dads, who will only date a single mum, because they say women without kids don't understand what being a parent involves.

I'm a firm believer of there being someone for everyone.

I still believe kids don't need to meet everyone you date. Even for a casual few minutes. Unless very young, kids aren't stupid and they'll know it's not just a friend.

Unless you know it's more than a casual relationship, I personally don't see the point of kids meeting every man that comes in and out of your life.

Just the same way I would never introduce every guy I dated to my parents.

When I was 17, I worked with this amazing guy. Clicked with him straight away, but also he had a kid to a girl I worked with. Then he had another. There was something between us, but as he had kids I could never follow it up. Move on a few years and I still couldn't do it, he had three kids, wasnt with the mum, and I felt like I'd still be a home wrecker. We never saw each other for years, and I thought I'd love to have my first to someone who was having their first too. I thought there wouldn't be the same feelings towards my first if it wasn't their first (ya get me?!) I had my little boy, he's six, and his dad was a total dick. No care at all, and it's his first. Bump into friend who had 3 kids after 16 years. Honestly I wish I had never thought that having my first with someone else who had their first made a difference. We are madly in love and I wish I'd realised how amazing he was as a person. I had something in my head that was stupid. He's absolutely amazing with my son and we are planning our wedding. So even me, being a single mum, and him, having his three kids, we make the most amazing team and I'm happier than ever. I spent 8 years with my sons dad pretending I could make it work and I am so glad I took the opportunity to leave and go with my friend. Absolute soulmates. It can happen! They are out there!

Errr.. if a man is put off because you have a child, would you really want to date him? I wouldn't, and anybody who automatically assumes you to be looking for a "baby daddy" would sound very off putting/ignorant to me.

No, dont hide the fact you have a child - she is such an important part of your life. You owe it to her to find a man who could love her and accept her if he wants to be with you.

Mine didn't, he's a saint on top of being great with my 2 DD's. He also wasn't phased by my long term MH issues (we met in hospital)

We are now married and expecting his first DC.

Oh and my oldest DD spent a week in hospital last week, it was DH who had my youngest DD without a word of complaint. No one else can cope with her for that long.

See, I think there's always a hint of slut shaming in this type of comment

Unless you know it's more than a casual relationship, I personally don't see the point of kids meeting every man that comes in and out of your life.

There is not "point" generally. Its unusual (although clearly it does happen) that a single mum is introducing every guy she bangs as a new significant person in her dcs life. Its more like "this is my friend Bob from work", no different than "this is my friend Sue from work"
And as for kids not being stupid,(and 'Im not saying mine is but he wouldn't have given it a second though if mums friend was male or female until about age 9), well so what if they know that you have boyfriends?
As long as your boundaries are in place, and your kids know they come first and that you don't need a man, its fine for children to see you have normal romantic relationships.
My dc knows I was sad when I broke up with my ex, but that it was for the best, and I am fine being alone too. The world didn't end, tea was still on the table, and said dc didn't see ex enough to miss him (and now we are friends so he is still in my life in a casual way anyway).
I just think there is a middle ground between moving every guy in and letting him bath your kids, and compartmentalising each part of your life.

I have read enough comments on MN about a "revolving door" of boyfriends and won't somebody think of the poor confused children to know that a lot of people think that single mums should accept celibacy for the duration. I don't think single dads (especially proper single dads) are judged so harshly. In fact my single dad friend is basically lauded as a saint and can do no wrong

I met DH when DS was 9 months old. I'd told him from the start I had a son.
After a few dates he came over for coffee (I lived with my parents at the time). I went into the kitchen leaving DH sat on the sofa and DS on the floor playing with his building blocks.
When I returned 2 minutes later DH was on the floor, sleeves rolled up, building blocks with a delighted DS. I think that was the moment I knew he was the one.

23 years and a DD later we're very happy. DS never knew another 'Dad' and I was fortunate that he was welcomed immediately by the in laws who never once treated DS and our later DD with any difference.

I don't think not wanting to date a person with children is wrong, each to their own. My DP and I met 3 years ago on a dating website. He sent me a message saying that he wasn't looking to date anyone with children but we seemed to have lots in common so could we chat. We were good friends and it naturally evolved! He says it just scared him a bit and if he realised it would be this simple he would have said something ages ago. We have been together about 7 months, he is completely wonderful and gets on fantastically with my DD.

The right one will come along.

There is no definitive answer: some men don't mind a child, others might run away like it's their greatest fear. You wouldn't know till you actually give it a try. In any case, don't think badly of yourself if some men run away from the option: we are all humans with our individual needs and some peopel just don't share them.