Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

I've got no friends!! :'(

38 replies

nomates · 29/06/2004 18:56

How do you make friends?

Since moving to a new area a few months ago, I have yet to make any friends at all. DS1 started nursery last week and all the other mums are already in groups, and I'm too shy to interrupt.

I had arranged to go to a fitness class with someone a couple of months ago, but didn't turn up because I was too shy. And I feel so guilty that she probably thinks I didn't like her, when it wasn't that.

I'm thinking about joining weightwatchers, or a fitness class, or doing some volunteering, or taking the kids to a toddler group.

What would be the 'easiest' scenario for someone really shy like me?

OP posts:

CountessDracula · 29/06/2004 18:58

I think all of your ideas sound good

How about going to a mumsnetter meet up in your area. They are great fun. Whereabouts do you live?

codswallop · 29/06/2004 19:00

YOu have to really work at it ime
stand near the chatting mums and smile as if oyu are listening - othersie they wil think you rent interested. I evcently made friends with one mum who I wwas sure knew everyone but was actually really isolated.

Twinkie · 29/06/2004 19:02

Yes wgere do you live - we will just onvite ourselves round and make you give us tea and cakes and then you will have lots of friends!!

Go to a meet honey - best way to meet people and at least one of them (me) is going to be sane!!)

Janh · 29/06/2004 19:02

Stand near the chatting mums wearing a Halloween mask. It will hide your blushes and get you lots of attention!

Original poster

nomates · 29/06/2004 19:02

I live in Derby, but I doubt I'd go to a meet-up. I'd love to at the moment, but on the day I'd be far too nervous and wouldn't show up.

OP posts:

CountessDracula · 29/06/2004 19:04

You could meet up with one mumsnetter first for coffee and then they coudl come and get you on day of meet up so you couldn't chicken out!

CountessDracula · 29/06/2004 19:05

There is a meetup in Derby in August HERE

Twinkie · 29/06/2004 19:05

Good idea CD - I met essbee frist and then didn't feel too silly about meeting lots of others - they were all sad internet types afterall!!

Original poster

nomates · 29/06/2004 19:05

lol you lot, at least I'm smiling now.

Gonna make a huge effort to listen in to the other mums conversations, after all I've got nothing to lose.

Thanks!!

OP posts:

CountessDracula · 29/06/2004 19:06

I met up with Sophable before the big SW London meet up recently and I think it made her feel a bit more comforatble about coming (I Hope!! )

xoz · 29/06/2004 19:11

I can reccommend toddler groups, although you have to perservere with it... People always seem to be in groups already, so I tend to target other new people who also don't seem to know anyone, they're usually feeling quite alone too. You might find this to be the case at the nursery too. There might be others whose child has also only just started. We moved here about 9 months ago and it took me about 6 months to start feelling like I was getting in enough. Another thingI have found helpful is to offer to help with things, such as, washing up, rotas, etc because it give others a reason to talk to you and gives to an opportunity to meet lots of different people as you do things. I ama fairly outgoing person so I don't find it too hard to do this, but it does take persistence and hard work, even for a personality like me. Best of luck... (You're not near Swindon are you?)

Easy · 29/06/2004 19:11

Nomates,

How old are your kids? Ds and I are near Derby, and would love to meet-up with you, show you around, play together and perhaps introduce you to some others too.

My ds is going on for 5.

CountessDracula · 29/06/2004 19:12

There you go!

PreggieMum · 29/06/2004 19:20

Hi, I'm quite a shy person and know exactly how you feel as we moved fairly recently too.

I found joining the NCT really useful as they can put you in contact with other mums who have also joined the NCT. The group that I now go to is fairly small (just 3 other mums), but it's really nice to be able to meetup which we do fortnightly and I find it much easier to talk to people when the group is small.

I'll see if I can do a link:

\link www.nctpregnancyandbabycare.com/aboutnct.asp\here}

Easy · 29/06/2004 19:22

I sometimes feel a bit the same you know. I am an older mum, and disabled, so a bit 'different'. Took ds to a birthday party at brewsters with his nursery friends the other day.
The birthday boy's mum, Who is very flashy, obviously didn't know how to talk to me at all (we've only ever passed outside nursery before). She sat down at a table with some other mums. I asked if I could join them. They said "erm .....yes" (long pause). and I had to work quite hard to get them to chat. Then they got up to get a drink, didn't ask me if I wanted one, or to join them at the bar.

I know sometimes it can be hard to make friends.

Oooops sorry, hi-jacking the thread.

PreggieMum · 29/06/2004 19:25

Oops. I'll try again:

\link www.nctpregnancyandbabycare.com/aboutnct.asp\here{}

CountessDracula · 29/06/2004 19:30

whoops! Don't worry you'll get the hang of it soon

Original poster

nomates · 29/06/2004 19:31

Awww, how awful they were Easy. You have my utmost respect for asking to sit down with them and chatting, I could never have done that.

I'm really young (23) and always feel inferior to older mums. I've got DS1, nearly 4, DD, nearly 2 and DS2, 6 months, so get used to people asking if they're ALL mine and tutting. I think that's the underlying problem really.

And part of me thinks there's no point now making friends with the mums at nursery because I'm starting uni f/t in september, and dh will be doing the nursery trips, so even if I did make friends, I wouldn't see them after the end of term which is only a few weeks away.

OP posts:

Original poster

nomates · 29/06/2004 19:32

thanks for the link PreggieMum, it's ok I'll just copy and paste

OP posts:

Easy · 29/06/2004 19:40

Nomates, I'm afraid it really does take effort to make the first move, but if we can help we will.

What are you planning to do to entertain yours when nursery term ends? Is there a group you can join nearby that isn't school based for your dd and ds1? Then you can join in that over the summer.

Most of the Brewsters pubs do toddler groups 1 or 2 mornings a week, is there one near you? We could meet up first if you like, then we'd go together once or twice just to start you off.

And another mum and I are planning to take our kids to Markeaton park once or twice in the holidays. Perhaps you could join in then?

At least you'll have chance to meet up with new people at uni, and as everyone is new it's easier to make friends.

Original poster

nomates · 29/06/2004 19:56

Thanks Easy, I know you're right. I'm going to make a real effort to talk to the other mums at nursery until the end of term, and to do something with the kids in the hols.

Markeaton park is lovely for them, and not far from here.

Whereabouts do you live?

OP posts:

Fio2 · 29/06/2004 20:08

hey nomates Im the same. i have made 1 friend since I got here 2 months ago It doesnt bother me though, I have always been a bit of a loner. I think you just have to make an effort, get out to toddler groups and the like. Mind you I think I am making friends slowly with a girl accross the road as we keep standing chatting all the time, but neither of us has asked each other into one anothers houses which seems stupid really.

JanHR lives in burton and they are always having Derby meet ups on here. I am sure you will make friends soon

Fio2 · 29/06/2004 20:09

and dont worry about being young! I am 26 and my best friend is 42! it really doesnt matter

juniper68 · 29/06/2004 20:32

nothing to add but please go to the meet up and change your name (unless you have and this is a name change thingy??) cos you've got mates now, us!!

juniper68 · 29/06/2004 20:35

Oh fio is so right, i have mates of all ages. One close friend used to be shy but is as bonkers as me now because I forced her to be my mate oops!! I hope that won't put you off meeting people

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread